In-law problems?

[duriz]

janet_lee88:

Honestly, have you thought of moving out to avoid conflict ? This way, she can continue to be the QUEEN of the house and you don't have to put up with her and be QUEEN of YOUR own place.

Thank you janet_lee88.
We have our own place but it's tenanted for the next two years.
We cannot move out because my MIL is unwell and needs her son and granddaughter around to \"cheer her up\" (this is a v long story, no need to get into it now).
But I told DH that in 2 years' time, when DD starts nursery, I would like to be SAHM again, stay in our own place and raise DD the way I see fit.
He agreed.
We shall wait and see

[duriz]

hapydino:

congrats duriz!!


u got ur way!! :celebrate:

hopefully after this incident ur mil will back off and respect ur decisions when it comes to matters concerning ur DD..

Thank you hapydino :celebrate:

[duriz]

RRMummy:

Needless to say my poor sis cried her heart out behind closed doors.. worst thing is she is very far away from us all..

Your poor sis :x
Why those no good #%^$^&#%&*@

I named DD, both Chinese and English names.
No one challenged nor made any suggestion.
To be honest, I was feisty when we got married.
My PILs queitly respected me (and pitied their son?).
I mellowed after having DD.
She took all my chili padi away and became a livewire herself :love:
All this in the space of two years.

[duriz]

Funz:

Sometimes the issues with ILs is not the problems with the ILs themselves but how our other half handle the whole situation.

Agreed.
I guess everyone plays a part.
Like I'd said in another thread.
Love and respect your ILs.
And hope for the best.
They will never be like your own parents.
Nor do your wish them nor do they want to be.

[janet88]

duriz:

janet_lee88:

Honestly, have you thought of moving out to avoid conflict ? This way, she can continue to be the QUEEN of the house and you don't have to put up with her and be QUEEN of YOUR own place.

Thank you janet_lee88.
We have our own place but it's tenanted for the next two years.
We cannot move out because my MIL is unwell and needs her son and granddaughter around to \"cheer her up\" (this is a v long story, no need to get into it now).
But I told DH that in 2 years' time, when DD starts nursery, I would like to be SAHM again, stay in our own place and raise DD the way I see fit.
He agreed.
We shall wait and see

So now she needs son and grand daughter to speed up recovery lah. Ok, got it. We stayed at my parents' place when son was just born as he had cleft and being a new mum, I didn't know how to handle it. Moved back to our own place when son turned 4.
Maybe you can discuss with hubby to have flat painted when tenant moves out and also to decorate daughter's room. This may remind and reinforce the idea of moving out.

[duriz]

RRMummy:

duriz:

From now on, I will practise tough love (with restraint on harsh words) in our home. I have decided that I'm DD's mom and my word is king (although I will discuss with DH, I will make the final decision). And if anyone doesn't like it, they can jolly well STFU.

:ugogirl:

:celebrate:

[duriz]

LKVM:

Same with my MIL she didnt have any MIL when she was young and thats why totally controlled the household and later wanted to control me too sorry i dont want to be controlled however if needed things can be discussed but sorry cannot be bossed over

Good for you :celebrate:

[duriz]

auntieM:

Happy for you too duriz!
jia you! :celebrate:

Thank you auntieM :celebrate:

[duriz]

RRMummy:

Thankfully my Darling Dad is a very reasonable and wise man. :love: He told my bro to forgo the traditional middle name coz really obiang and difficult to come up with a nice name.. :love:

:love:

[cherrygal]

I think our own personalities will decide whether we get bullied by our in-laws and husbands or not. If we are the quiet type who is afraid of speaking up, those MCPs and dragon MILs will get their way.


I will definitely teach my daughter to stand up for herself and never be cornered into situations like what some of the KSP sistas have suffered. My mom always coached me from her own experience so I have learnt to be tough.

I also told my DH before, I will be polite and friendly to everyone but if ILs wanna be unfriendly, I will also be unfriendly. Don’t expect me to be submissive. My BIL is super rude, doesn’t even say hello to his own parents or people at MIL’s house. My son and I greeted him last time but he chose to ignore my son and me. My MIL even told my son to always greet BIL. I told DS he can stop greeting him if pple dun return the greeting.

If DH wanna be mama’s boy, then he should live with his mama and not get married.

Topics such as these (living with who’s parents, childcare arrangements, how to handle such bullying situations etc) should be discussed even before marriage, recorded in black and white and signed.