In-law problems?

[RRMummy]

An ex-colleague of mine used to tell us youngsters long ago, "When you choose your husband/wife, make sure that they are either orphans or their mom has already passed away!!"


Sounds nasty eh…but at that time, he was happily married for 40 over years to his childhood sweetheart… and they were so very loving… so go figure…

[janet88]

LKVM:

duriz:

But she needs to understand and \"handover\" to me now. Tough.

Same with my MIL she didnt have any MIL when she was young and thats why totally controlled the household and later wanted to control me too sorry i dont want to be controlled however if needed things can be discussed but sorry cannot be bossed over

Hubby told me his grandmother passed away when his father was young, the eldest sister aka 姑妈 is in control - I've met her twice and that's enough. In short, mine here also doesn't have a MIL and is in control of everything, esp over the husband.
The funny thing is, she controls her sons (3 of them) as though they are daughters and yet doesn't bother about the daughter. I always ask hubby why is his mother so protective of him, like as though he will be raped while his sister can go home anytime.

RRMummy,
The traditional middle name super obiang...no matter what nice name at the end will be ruined by that OBIANG middle. Yucks.

[janet88]

LKVM:

janet_lee88:

I always ask hubby why is his mother so protective of him, like as though he will be raped while his sister can go home anytime.

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: cause she knows DIL can take away the sons but not the other way round

Aiyoh, her daughter now married all the way to America. So who is taking who away. I was so mad with hubby before we got married.
He needed to do his IPPT which is near my place...can you believe he had to lie to his mother and say that he is staying at his friend's house and that 'friend' is a MALE. :x :x Not only that, his sickening sister always sms to ask him what time he is going home, while she goes home at 1 or 2am.

[janet88]

LKVM:

janet_lee88:

Aiyoh, her daughter now married all the way to America. So who is taking who away. I was so mad with hubby before we got married.

He needed to do his IPPT which is near my place...can you believe he had to lie to his mother and say that he is staying at his friend's house and that 'friend' is a MALE. :x :x Not only that, his sickening sister always sms to ask him what time he is going home, while she goes home at 1 or 2am.

:!: :!: thats weird :?

Weird right ?
That MIL told me before I got married...be your true self while she herself has dual personality - angelic and demure in front of hubby (still doing that) but horns and rings around the nose appear behind his back. That's why my hubby will never EVER know her nonsense. After 12 years, I don't bother to be tactful anymore. It's frustrating when being tactful is a one-way traffic.

[duriz]

janet_lee88:

Honestly, have you thought of moving out to avoid conflict ? This way, she can continue to be the QUEEN of the house and you don't have to put up with her and be QUEEN of YOUR own place.

Thank you janet_lee88.
We have our own place but it's tenanted for the next two years.
We cannot move out because my MIL is unwell and needs her son and granddaughter around to \"cheer her up\" (this is a v long story, no need to get into it now).
But I told DH that in 2 years' time, when DD starts nursery, I would like to be SAHM again, stay in our own place and raise DD the way I see fit.
He agreed.
We shall wait and see

[duriz]

hapydino:

congrats duriz!!


u got ur way!! :celebrate:

hopefully after this incident ur mil will back off and respect ur decisions when it comes to matters concerning ur DD..

Thank you hapydino :celebrate:

[duriz]

RRMummy:

Needless to say my poor sis cried her heart out behind closed doors.. worst thing is she is very far away from us all..

Your poor sis :x
Why those no good #%^$^&#%&*@

I named DD, both Chinese and English names.
No one challenged nor made any suggestion.
To be honest, I was feisty when we got married.
My PILs queitly respected me (and pitied their son?).
I mellowed after having DD.
She took all my chili padi away and became a livewire herself :love:
All this in the space of two years.

[duriz]

Funz:

Sometimes the issues with ILs is not the problems with the ILs themselves but how our other half handle the whole situation.

Agreed.
I guess everyone plays a part.
Like I'd said in another thread.
Love and respect your ILs.
And hope for the best.
They will never be like your own parents.
Nor do your wish them nor do they want to be.

[janet88]

duriz:

janet_lee88:

Honestly, have you thought of moving out to avoid conflict ? This way, she can continue to be the QUEEN of the house and you don't have to put up with her and be QUEEN of YOUR own place.

Thank you janet_lee88.
We have our own place but it's tenanted for the next two years.
We cannot move out because my MIL is unwell and needs her son and granddaughter around to \"cheer her up\" (this is a v long story, no need to get into it now).
But I told DH that in 2 years' time, when DD starts nursery, I would like to be SAHM again, stay in our own place and raise DD the way I see fit.
He agreed.
We shall wait and see

So now she needs son and grand daughter to speed up recovery lah. Ok, got it. We stayed at my parents' place when son was just born as he had cleft and being a new mum, I didn't know how to handle it. Moved back to our own place when son turned 4.
Maybe you can discuss with hubby to have flat painted when tenant moves out and also to decorate daughter's room. This may remind and reinforce the idea of moving out.

[duriz]

RRMummy:

duriz:

From now on, I will practise tough love (with restraint on harsh words) in our home. I have decided that I'm DD's mom and my word is king (although I will discuss with DH, I will make the final decision). And if anyone doesn't like it, they can jolly well STFU.

:ugogirl:

:celebrate: