In-law problems?
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Yong HL:
As child moves up, more hw will be given...hubby & I have to help son with hw last year (P4). So if daughter can finish hw and dinner, honestly there is no time to run to and fro.
i am working my way to slowly wean her off from going IL place stay overnite. Hopefully will succeed by the time she reaches P2... wish me luck!janet_lee88:
Fortunately your hubby is on your side and supports your decision.
Can be quite a headache having to finish up homework and dinner at home b4 going over. Sorry for saying this, but it will be tougher as she goes up...more homework then.
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DingDongBell:
Also, each spouse should handle their own parents. i.e. I handle my parents, my wife handle hers.
This is the best if both parties know how to handle their own parents. My DH didn't handle his mother well which lead to the current condition.
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Mrs Ang:
Of course the sticky situations can be avoided if either side can handle their own parents. My hubby isn't able to handle his mother...bcos he doesn't see the 2 sides of her. So he will never understand when I tell him. I can tell my mum she is long-winded but he dare not tell his.DingDongBell:
Also, each spouse should handle their own parents. i.e. I handle my parents, my wife handle hers.
This is the best if both parties know how to handle their own parents. My DH didn't handle his mother well which lead to the current condition. -
Ideally, couples should have discussed and agreed on how to deal with each other’s parents before they got married, but it’s not too late to discuss about that if the parents are causing problems.
I think some men forget that when they got married, they are now the head of their own household. He and his wife have become One - whatever affects one party affects the other. Parents, however good their intentions, are still "outsiders" to the marriage. Some mothers are also reluctant to sever their apron strings tied to their sons. That’s why it would be harder to have this separation if the couple is living with the parents.
Wives, don’t challenge your husbands, don’t put him in a spot where he has to choose between his mother and you - you may not like the outcome. Don’t complain, don’t nag. Rather, try to help him see your point of view. Let him know you need him to protect you. Most, if not all men, would like to feel like a hero to their wife.
In most situations, if the marriage is in order, the husband-wife relationship is good, then it’s unlikely that parents could cause much problems. In some cases, it is perhaps the marriage relationship that needs to be fixed first, rather than the one with the parents. -
DingDongBell:
I agree with you dingdongbell especially on your last paragraph....Ideally, couples should have discussed and agreed on how to deal with each other's parents before they got married, but it's not too late to discuss about that if the parents are causing problems.
I think some men forget that when they got married, they are now the head of their own household. He and his wife have become One - whatever affects one party affects the other. Parents, however good their intentions, are still \"outsiders\" to the marriage. Some mothers are also reluctant to sever their apron strings tied to their sons. That's why it would be harder to have this separation if the couple is living with the parents.
Wives, don't challenge your husbands, don't put him in a spot where he has to choose between his mother and you - you may not like the outcome. Don't complain, don't nag. Rather, try to help him see your point of view. Let him know you need him to protect you. Most, if not all men, would like to feel like a hero to their wife.
In most situations, if the marriage is in order, the husband-wife relationship is good, then it's unlikely that parents could cause much problems. In some cases, it is perhaps the marriage relationship that needs to be fixed first, rather than the one with the parents.
I also have problem with my mil, as I am not used to argument nor am I an outspoken person, so most of the time I choose to ignore her..close one eye but sometime close 2 eyes else I will vomit blood...Very hard to communicate with her as she has very weird thinking and most of the time the things she said will make you
:imconstipated: :stupid: and you will feel that she is :siao: ...
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DingDongBell:
Ideally, couples should have discussed and agreed on how to deal with each other's parents before they got married, but it's not too late to discuss about that if the parents are causing problems.
I think some men forget that when they got married, they are now the head of their own household. He and his wife have become One - whatever affects one party affects the other.
Problem arises when the husband's mother is not willing to let go and still wants a hold on her children.
In most situations, if the marriage is in order, the husband-wife relationship is good, then it's unlikely that parents could cause much problems.
For newly-weds, the couple is learning to live with each other for the first time and no matter how good the relationship is, there are bound to be some minor disagreements and if the mother steps in, the problem will not only NOT be solved but may snowball. -
Hi DingDongBell,
I don't want to argue nor speak my mind with her...reason is such that even if I voice it out, she will turn around and tell the whole world I bully her...wailing and the way she makes herself out to be a victim is unbearable. Most of the time, I close 2 eyes.
It's impossible to communicate...many a time, if I have any conversation with her, I keep to topics like weather...even then also vomit blood with her weird ideas. Can go :siao: after 1/2 hour. -
I can hardly remain sane after 10 minutes of my MIL's \"Hello darling.. \"....
How to tahan talking.. ...
P/S: Hello darling- applicable to everyone :stupid: -
auntieM:
MIL calls DH Dear Dear. There was once a I came across an SMS when I borrowed DH's phone and for a moment I thought he was having an affair. Msg went something like Dear Dear, you know I love you very much. I pray everyday that all is well with you. ....... Both you and your sister are my life. Love Mum. The first few sentence gave me a shock. Haha.I can hardly remain sane after 10 minutes of my MIL's \"Hello darling.. \"....
How to tahan talking.. ...
P/S: Hello darling- applicable to everyone :stupid:
MIL also has a habit of caressing DH's head or shoulder and even a times kissing him on his cheeks like you would a little kid. I teased DH to no end about it. He gets frustrated with all this fawning but he says he cannot tell her off cos if he does, there will be waterworks for days and accusations and all. Told him to let it be lah. She cannot help herself.
When we were first married, I kept thinking that my PILs are intrusive, imposing, self centred and irritating. But over the years, I have come to realise that a lot of the problems with my PILs stem from how DH handles them. -
We can't really control how other people behave, we can only decide how we want to treat others. We should treat them the same way we expect to be treated - with respect, courtesy, etc. If they do not reciprocate, or intentionally make things difficult, then stay away from them to avoid conflicts.
In the case of PILs, hopefully they will realize that if they continue to be difficult, after a while their children/grandchildren will start staying away from them because nobody dares to go near them.
And one more thing, make sure that some day when you become a FIL/MIL yourself, don't behave that way. Be nice to your SIL/DIL!
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