In-law problems?

[janet88]

Yong HL:

bebe:

Why does yr gal need to go to Granny's house to get prepare for school? Can your PILs come over instead?

Hi bebe & janet_lee88
sigh.. coz my girl wants to see her granny.. separation anxiety i guess.. she has a close bond with my mil.. from the way my mil \"discipline\" her, its no wonder of that. So now, if i couldnt bring her to school the next day, she will be going to stayover at my ILs place the night before. But before that, after school still dinner and homework at my place, bedtime then go over. Yes, it be tiring for her and my hubby but this is the best option. Its still better then her going straight there and who-knows-what she is doing there for the entire evening..

Hi Dingdongbell
my husband is not that close to his mum (Thank God for this!). But he will still side me with my decision. I have no complaints on that

Fortunately your hubby is on your side and supports your decision.
Can be quite a headache having to finish up homework and dinner at home b4 going over. Sorry for saying this, but it will be tougher as she goes up...more homework then.

[Yong HL]

janet_lee88:

Fortunately your hubby is on your side and supports your decision.

Can be quite a headache having to finish up homework and dinner at home b4 going over. Sorry for saying this, but it will be tougher as she goes up...more homework then.

i am working my way to slowly wean her off from going IL place stay overnite. Hopefully will succeed by the time she reaches P2... wish me luck!

[janet88]

Yong HL:

janet_lee88:

Fortunately your hubby is on your side and supports your decision.

Can be quite a headache having to finish up homework and dinner at home b4 going over. Sorry for saying this, but it will be tougher as she goes up...more homework then.

i am working my way to slowly wean her off from going IL place stay overnite. Hopefully will succeed by the time she reaches P2... wish me luck!

As child moves up, more hw will be given...hubby & I have to help son with hw last year (P4). So if daughter can finish hw and dinner, honestly there is no time to run to and fro.

[Mrs Ang]

DingDongBell:

Also, each spouse should handle their own parents. i.e. I handle my parents, my wife handle hers.

This is the best if both parties know how to handle their own parents. My DH didn't handle his mother well which lead to the current condition.

[janet88]

Mrs Ang:

DingDongBell:

Also, each spouse should handle their own parents. i.e. I handle my parents, my wife handle hers.

This is the best if both parties know how to handle their own parents. My DH didn't handle his mother well which lead to the current condition.

Of course the sticky situations can be avoided if either side can handle their own parents. My hubby isn't able to handle his mother...bcos he doesn't see the 2 sides of her. So he will never understand when I tell him. I can tell my mum she is long-winded but he dare not tell his.

[DingDongBell]

Ideally, couples should have discussed and agreed on how to deal with each other’s parents before they got married, but it’s not too late to discuss about that if the parents are causing problems.


I think some men forget that when they got married, they are now the head of their own household. He and his wife have become One - whatever affects one party affects the other. Parents, however good their intentions, are still "outsiders" to the marriage. Some mothers are also reluctant to sever their apron strings tied to their sons. That’s why it would be harder to have this separation if the couple is living with the parents.

Wives, don’t challenge your husbands, don’t put him in a spot where he has to choose between his mother and you - you may not like the outcome. Don’t complain, don’t nag. Rather, try to help him see your point of view. Let him know you need him to protect you. Most, if not all men, would like to feel like a hero to their wife.

In most situations, if the marriage is in order, the husband-wife relationship is good, then it’s unlikely that parents could cause much problems. In some cases, it is perhaps the marriage relationship that needs to be fixed first, rather than the one with the parents.

[vlim]

DingDongBell:

Ideally, couples should have discussed and agreed on how to deal with each other's parents before they got married, but it's not too late to discuss about that if the parents are causing problems.


I think some men forget that when they got married, they are now the head of their own household. He and his wife have become One - whatever affects one party affects the other. Parents, however good their intentions, are still \"outsiders\" to the marriage. Some mothers are also reluctant to sever their apron strings tied to their sons. That's why it would be harder to have this separation if the couple is living with the parents.

Wives, don't challenge your husbands, don't put him in a spot where he has to choose between his mother and you - you may not like the outcome. Don't complain, don't nag. Rather, try to help him see your point of view. Let him know you need him to protect you. Most, if not all men, would like to feel like a hero to their wife.

In most situations, if the marriage is in order, the husband-wife relationship is good, then it's unlikely that parents could cause much problems. In some cases, it is perhaps the marriage relationship that needs to be fixed first, rather than the one with the parents.

I agree with you dingdongbell especially on your last paragraph....

I also have problem with my mil, as I am not used to argument nor am I an outspoken person, so most of the time I choose to ignore her..close one eye but sometime close 2 eyes else I will vomit blood...Very hard to communicate with her as she has very weird thinking and most of the time the things she said will make you :imconstipated: :stupid: and you will feel that she is :siao: ...

[janet88]

DingDongBell:

Ideally, couples should have discussed and agreed on how to deal with each other's parents before they got married, but it's not too late to discuss about that if the parents are causing problems.


I think some men forget that when they got married, they are now the head of their own household. He and his wife have become One - whatever affects one party affects the other.
Problem arises when the husband's mother is not willing to let go and still wants a hold on her children.

In most situations, if the marriage is in order, the husband-wife relationship is good, then it's unlikely that parents could cause much problems.
For newly-weds, the couple is learning to live with each other for the first time and no matter how good the relationship is, there are bound to be some minor disagreements and if the mother steps in, the problem will not only NOT be solved but may snowball.

[janet88]

Hi DingDongBell,

I don't want to argue nor speak my mind with her...reason is such that even if I voice it out, she will turn around and tell the whole world I bully her...wailing and the way she makes herself out to be a victim is unbearable. Most of the time, I close 2 eyes.
It's impossible to communicate...many a time, if I have any conversation with her, I keep to topics like weather...even then also vomit blood with her weird ideas. Can go :siao: after 1/2 hour.

[auntieM]

I can hardly remain sane after 10 minutes of my MIL's \"Hello darling.. \"....

How to tahan talking.. ...



P/S: Hello darling- applicable to everyone :stupid: