In-law problems?

[Chenonceau]

janet_lee88:

Chenonceau:

[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]
Since it's his parents, no harm letting him be angry. But I do agree that these elderly parents now love the idea of comparing...some will tell others their sons bring them to see doctor, eat this and that, bring them holidays and hire maid for them...basically it's attention seeking.

I dunno if this helps... For me, things got better when I started to treat them like teenagers with a mixture of benevolence and firmness on my terms.

We grow up feeling that we have to do what the parents ask, as if they're still heading the family. At one point, I realized that I am the head of the family now and it is for me to give them direction (gently but firmly). Once they realise this, they stop acting up.

Aiyah, if only I can treat them as teenagers...problem is they still want to behave like HEAD of the household. If I can be firm with them, the old lady will start seeking sympathy from her children.[/quote]Yours badly need RIVP (electric shock).

[janet88]

I don’t know what those 2 need, but definitely I don’'t want to bother. Look after their precious daughter’s 2 kids, esp since the daughter said she wants her kids to be close to grandparents…by all means, pls go ahead.

[Mrs Ang]

janet_lee88:

Mrs Ang:

[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]Mine here loves to pass remarks on everything. Which is why I don't invite them over...what for? To hear more crap?

Haha....mine will come uninvited and uninformed. My DH finally tell his mum to call before coming and she is unhappy and commented why we so troublesome!! :x

Wow, your hubby can do that. I doubt my hubby will have the guts to say that...knowing his mother's overbearing character. I'm so relieved and happy they are FAR FAR away. Hope they stay there for the next 6 months.[/quote]Well this is because my MIL last visited us when my DD was having her dinner. It has been difficult to feed DD due to tooth growing pain. We were relieved that DD managed to eat the first few spoons. Then my MIL came uninformed and disturbed the feeding. DD refused to continue her dinner and we have to throw away her dinner. Although my DH has finally told his mum but I doubt she will follow given her character!

[janet88]

Mrs Ang:

janet_lee88:

[quote=\"Mrs Ang\"]
Haha....mine will come uninvited and uninformed. My DH finally tell his mum to call before coming and she is unhappy and commented why we so troublesome!! :x

Wow, your hubby can do that. I doubt my hubby will have the guts to say that...knowing his mother's overbearing character.

Well this is because my MIL last visited us when my DD was having her dinner. It has been difficult to feed DD due to tooth growing pain. We were relieved that DD managed to eat the first few spoons. Then my MIL came uninformed and disturbed the feeding. DD refused to continue her dinner and we have to throw away her dinner. Although my DH has finally told his mum but I doubt she will follow given her character![/quote]If MIL can be 乖 and listen, I think money will drop from the sky.

[Mrs Ang]

janet_lee88:

If MIL can be 乖 and listen, I think money will drop from the sky.

Yup and we won't have so many problem.

[janet88]

Mrs Ang:

janet_lee88:

If MIL can be 乖 and listen, I think money will drop from the sky.

Yup and we won't have so many problem.

What they preach is opposite of what they do. Lies and drama is hard to bear. Most sickening is acting angelic in front of sons, making daughter in laws to be the devils :x
Told hubby I will adopt hands off with my future daughter in law. Don't preach nor get involved in their lives or quarrels lest I be seen as siding.

[baglady]

janet_lee88:

I was about to mention that...going to P1. School work isn't easy now, even for P1. I do coach my daughter and revise her work daily...she will definitely whine.

Fortunately my parents do not interfere where work is concerned. My kids also know better not to approach my parents to be their 靠山. The last time my father tested my son for his EL spelling...for every mistake made, he had to write 20x. That was in P2 or P3. HaHaHa.

It's good that you're firm and your parents don't interfere! One of my friends has opposite problem. She's more relaxed and thinks its important for her kids to enjoy their childhood. Her mother is super kiasu and always nagging them about work, making them do revisions, go for tuition, etc. My friend is so frustrated. She says her mother is not just stressing out her kids but also her and her hubby!

Anyway I definitely don't want to wait until primary school to deal with these problems! Scared it may be too late! I think its important to set the right tone from earlier stage and explain why we do certain things and stress that they shouldnt spoil him even though he is still so young.

If not, by the time he's in P1, there will be horror stories! So I'm trying to make sure he learns the right values from young and doesnt become spoilt and think he can get his way as long as grandparents are around.

[baglady]

[quote="janet_lee88] What they preach is opposite of what they do. Lies and drama is hard to bear. Most sickening is acting angelic in front of sons, making daughter in laws to be the devils :x

Told hubby I will adopt hands off with my future daughter in law. Don’t preach nor get involved in their lives or quarrels lest I be seen as siding.[/quote]

Wah that’s terrible. To create problems and then add fuel to the fires.

[janet88]

baglady:

[quote=\"janet_lee88] What they preach is opposite of what they do. Lies and drama is hard to bear. Most sickening is acting angelic in front of sons, making daughter in laws to be the devils :x

Wah that's terrible. To create problems and then add fuel to the fires.[/quote][/quote]

Now that we have to endure the nonsense...when we become MIL one day, we should not repeat and give the son & his wife problems.

I know it's a little off topic, but don't wait till child starts primary school to get him serious where school work is concerned. It sounds like P1 is like an extension of kindergarten but it isn't. P1 is start of building foundation.

[baglady]

janet_lee88:

I know it's a little off topic, but don't wait till child starts primary school to get him serious where school work is concerned. It sounds like P1 is like an extension of kindergarten but it isn't. P1 is start of building foundation.

Agree, should start with the right values from young and get kids interested in learning. I also think it's important to help them learn some discipline and self control from young. If they're spoilt by grandparents, then they will just do whatever they want!