In-law problems?
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Mum Lim:
things like which tuition teacher, which tuition centre shld the kids go to. comments like the teacher i choose is not good. Those ballet, art and craft classes are useless things. Even primary school they also wan a say in it.
Oh dear... All this sounds familiar! Worse is when the decision you take does not pan out. Then they keep talking about it. One day, I turned the tables on them. I chose 1 or 2 things that I thought stupid of THEM. Then I do what they say. When it didn't turn out right, I go on and on about the mistake.
After a while, they realized that they needed to be careful with the advice they give because I will hold them responsible.
MIL used to have so much to say about my kids' Chinese. I always gave in. Then the results weren't good so I nicely hold them responsible and told them that I had suggested otherwise. Nag. Nag. Nag. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Now I do it my way and the results are better... And MIL watches her mouth a bit more when it comes to kids' education. And I also make sure I explicitly say the results are better now. Nicely of course. Hint here. Hint there. Show off. Crow about the improvement. A bit of self- marketing. Actually ah... a lot of self- promotion. -
The biggest problem is they always think the mother is stupid and cannot teach…that’s why have to use son’s hard-earned money to give to people. Deep in her brains is, ‘Give me the money instead’.
My hubby was brought up in an environment that ‘money is very important’ -
parents should be the ones to decide the education path for the kids when they are young.
however, we also need to take a step back to see if we are piling too much activities on our kids unknowingly. 傍观者清.
so if pil or own parents have any suggestions (nice or awful), well, take it in good faith.
:lol: -
baglady:
Hmmm...sounds like my mum....my mum also feels that i hv a bo-chap attitude towards my children...she feels that i do not fuss over my kids just like how \"dedicated\" she was to us when we were young....
It's good that you're firm and your parents don't interfere! One of my friends has opposite problem. She's more relaxed and thinks its important for her kids to enjoy their childhood. Her mother is super kiasu and always nagging them about work, making them do revisions, go for tuition, etc. My friend is so frustrated. She says her mother is not just stressing out her kids but also her and her hubby!
Anyway I definitely don't want to wait until primary school to deal with these problems! Scared it may be too late! I think its important to set the right tone from earlier stage and explain why we do certain things and stress that they shouldnt spoil him even though he is still so young.
If not, by the time he's in P1, there will be horror stories! So I'm trying to make sure he learns the right values from young and doesnt become spoilt and think he can get his way as long as grandparents are around.
i always tell mum that in this era...it is OK for kids to make mistakes but mum always feel that i must be there to look out for them...so when we talk abt how kids will be brought up, usu tend to end up with very diff opinion..which may lead to some \"unhappiness\"....
My parents even commented before that my kids are like their kids and they are like my siblings instead
so see what a lousy parent i am in the eyes of my very committed parents :lol:
Luckily for me...mil is a lady who does not interefere with our lives...and she lives us quite alone...as long as she gets to spend time with the grand kids, she's already happy...never interefere with schools/enrichment/upbringing/etc..so i must say i'm lucky -
LOLMum:
Education is tough now. Subjects are no longer 1+1=2. As parents, we should see if kids genuinely need extra classes or just being KS by listening to others and signing kids up for this and that blindly.parents should be the ones to decide the education path for the kids when they are young.
however, we also need to take a step back to see if we are piling too much activities on our kids unknowingly. 傍观者清.
so if pil or own parents have any suggestions (nice or awful), well, take it in good faith.
:lol: -
Used to have a domestic helper but due to maids constant conflicts with mil (mil stays with me), no choice but to live without maid for the past 1 year. Initially, each and everyone (mil, hubby, myself) will try very best to share chores but as time goes by, mil is tired…hubby is tired…seems like expectations now fall on me! Me too also getting tired everyday…after work got to take care of kids (4 & 7 yrs old), wash clothes, tuition kids, bedtime stories etc etc…mil feels she should take a rest when we are back from work while hubby always busy with reports or office work after dinner…I guess I can still "tahan" this but cant tolerate mil bad comments (being forgetful to fold clothes, being lazy for not putting things back in order) on me infront of kids ! Feel like telling mil off but since she is the elderly, I keep quiet (knowing she will blow her top too)…I told my kids not to listen too much mil comments too…anyone in similar situation, how would u handle appropriately?
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Scenario: Your parent passed away. Your in-laws were informed right away. Wake was over 4 days including the Funeral day. Parents-in-law out of obligation came only on second day of wake, stayed for short while. Brother and sis-laws never turned up at all, not even a call or sms words of condolences. Amidst your grieving, in-laws never show much concern or care.
Try putting yourselves in this person’s shoes, what would you do or say to your in-laws? -
Hi Angelight, I was in the similar situation about 5 years ago when my sis passed away…non of my hubby’s "side" turns up for the wake. Reason - my brother-in-law just shifted to new house so not so nice for his family to go to wake…since he didnot go, my mil & sis-in-law also didnot turn up. I was really hurt and upset …the pain and grieve is still with me up to today.
Donot mistaken my relationship with my hubby’s family members turn sour, we are still getting along fine. As long as they donot ask or insist me to visit any of their relatives wake…I will not want to open the "wound" again. -
But did they at least call or sms you words of condolence? Or pretend nothing happened even though they know you are grieving?
EatNonStop:
Hi Angelight, I was in the similar situation about 5 years ago when my sis passed away....non of my hubby's \"side\" turns up for the wake. Reason - my brother-in-law just shifted to new house so not so nice for his family to go to wake..since he didnot go, my mil & sis-in-law also didnot turn up. I was really hurt and upset ...the pain and grieve is still with me up to today.
Donot mistaken my relationship with my hubby's family members turn sour, we are still getting along fine. As long as they donot ask or insist me to visit any of their relatives wake..I will not want to open the \"wound\" again. -
ok…I missed out the part…my mil visited my beloved sis once when she was in ICU…that at least comforted me even she didnot attend the wake…when my sis passed away, my hubby’s side didnot utter any words of consolation which I guess they didnot want to bother me since I was already so down…I didnot hold them for this as well…the heart pain was they didnot show their support / comfort to my family as well as to my beloved sis’s family at the wake when I felt the least they can do…
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