In-law problems?
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cwc:
Whenever she cooks, she calls a few times a day to ensure and if you dun appear by 6.30pm, call again..and again. And even if you say not free to come, she'll attempt another few times saying there's food. Gosh.....stalker huh.
What's with MILs and their food? My MIL also the same pattern. She likes to cook a lot and a lot on Sat or Sun morning then call us after she's done to come eat lunch...all this will be unplanned, and when we tell her we can't coz we have other plans, she'll make so much noise! Luckily, my DH doesn't give two hoots about his mum throwing a tantrum. I appreciate that she wants to cook for us, but I wish she'd let us know in advance, and not after she's done cooking. But this pattern cannot change. -
My MIL went for holiday and left my FIL alone at home, barely a week after my SIL passed away overseas.. She claimed that she was not fit enough to travel for funeral...
My DH didn't know till he tried contacting her..
When my niece came to Singapore she made sure she arrange dinner to celebrate his birthday...my gosh :x We are Chinese and we don't celebrate birthdays after our mothers passed on do we? No one dare to give angpow and just sat thru the drama..
So what's she thinking? Delibrate? :faint:
Juz ranting.. .. -
cwc:
So I'm actually glad she's out, I'll really go crazy with her around and I'll probably go back to work. But of course, I have lotsa people giving me that ....wah, you enjoy life and MIL has to work at such old age.
From your MIL's point of view, I am sure it is liberating for her to go to work! No need to stay at home and face hubby and cook dinner for kids who are not interested!
So you are the home-bound one. Those mentioned should sympathise with you instead. Heh...heh...
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janet_lee88:
Actually wanted to do part-time...but other factors make it impossible...hence QUIT to end all these nonsense.Since your child is going to P1, no harm quitting job.
Better for you that MIL is working or else sure go nuts facing her whole day. But it's quite unfair that your PIL are staying your place and renting out theirs for money.
Basically not much choice lah....MIL & FIL always 'fighting' and my hubby had to run between 2 homes frequently....very tiring for him. While it was a stupid move to agree :stupid:, guess hubby appreciate my sacrifice. Since they stay here, make sense to rent out whole house instead of 1 room only. Now that MIL has rental $, we stopped giving allowance as need to incur other cost.
NOW I constantly remind hubby, I'm the only one who gave in, if MIL still wanna 'hiam', go try if there's other place to go to.......and I suspect she knows the answer. Staying here means good $, less household chores and still can go out earn more.
There's one advantage tho, now with her around at night, my hubby and I can have some couple time such as supper, late night NTUC etc.DesertWind:
Sounds bad lehFrom your MIL's point of view, I am sure it is liberating for her to go to work! No need to stay at home and face hubby and cook dinner for kids who are not interested!
So you are the home-bound one. Those mentioned should sympathise with you instead. Heh...heh...
But now with helper, not so bad liao, at least have more free time.
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Your hubby better treasure you more…not easy to stay with his parents. But being able to enjoy some couple-time is not bad.
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I was comtemplating once whether to be FTWM or SAHM.
SAHM so can have more time with kids, nurture them, grow together with them. But with my MIL at home, tons of my friends will advise me to drop the idea to be SAHM cos MIL will have a lot of \"expectations\"....my life wont be easy, forget the \"idea\" on spending more time with kids cos will have to spend more time to solve \"conflicts\" instead -
EatNonStop:
Hi,I was comtemplating once whether to be FTWM or SAHM.
SAHM so can have more time with kids, nurture them, grow together with them. But with my MIL at home, tons of my friends will advise me to drop the idea to be SAHM cos MIL will have a lot of \"expectations\"....my life wont be easy, forget the \"idea\" on spending more time with kids cos will have to spend more time to solve \"conflicts\" instead
Honestly, when I quit, MIL was not under the same roof.....so choice was clear cut and easy. For a while, I did feel that I faced the 'why you quit and enjoy life while my son has to work hard' look.....but after a while get used to it. (or rather, heck-care!) Let's face it. I'm also not a motherly-type who could cook, sew or do household chores well......until now, still so-so only
So, whatever you expect, that's your expectation. Dun like it, fix it yourself then 
When PIL first came, MIL was not working....so did face issues like 'fight over kitchen space/logistics/where and how things should be placed etc' and even the son's attention. And of course, a lot of distraction and interruptions while teaching the kids....so I ended up locking the kids in room with me sometimes....no more lesson in the hall. So after a while, she got the idea and mellowed. But with old people, think the greatest conflict is still things like household chores, so try to let them have their way....unless they the really terrible type, else should be OK (easier said than done of course).
It your child really needs you and your hubby supports the idea of SAHM and financially feasible, by all means do it. Sometimes, things may look bad but in actual fact, may not be. Somehow, I feel that having the hubby support is the most important ..... with that, both will find ways to work together.....without his support, it's a lonely and tough road and there's gonna be resentment both ways. -
Hi cwc,
I like the idea you stand firm on your approach and believe in dealing with mil....As much as possible, hubby would want me to \"give way\" since mil old already....I sort like \" then I dun care....dun bother...dun talk\" lor, stay away any sensitive conversation with mil. Just typical \"yes\" or \"no\"....dun have prelong type of chitchat...i guess i try and prefer current dil & mil relationship :roll:
Some years back, she used to stay with my hubby's bro family but had a heated aurgment with my sis-in-law.....she was so mad and angry that she called my hubby to pick her thus from that day onwards, she stayed permanently \"forever\" at my place cos my hubby is the other only son.
I miss the time with only me, hubby, kid..................................so much freedom and carefree.
But on the other hand, I must admit she helps alot in taking care of my kids and give me a piece of mind when I am working...
so contradicting right? Love and Hate relationship......guess need to know more on \"give\" and \"take\"... -
cwc:
Basically not much choice lah....MIL & FIL always 'fighting' and my hubby had to run between 2 homes frequently....very tiring for him. While it was a stupid move to agree :stupid:, guess hubby appreciate my sacrifice. Since they stay here, make sense to rent out whole house instead of 1 room only. Now that MIL has rental $, we stopped giving allowance as need to incur other cost....Staying here means good $, less household chores and still can go out earn more. There's one advantage tho, now with her around at night, my hubby and I can have some couple time such as supper, late night NTUC etc. .... But now with helper, not so bad liao, at least have more free time.
Hi cwc,
Wow, reading your post makes me quite envious of you!
I am one of those rare ones in this poll to answer \"YES\", if given the choice, would I stay with my in-laws? Why? Because of all those advantages you mentioned:
1. No need for your hubby to run between 2 houses especially he is the filial type will sure to take care of his parents.
2. Your PILs are renting out their flat to earn rental income. Financially independant no need to burden you and your hubby. This is great!
3. Translated into no need for you all to give them extra allowance = more cashflow for your household - not bad at all!
4. Your MIL is now working so one of you are out of the house most of the day - this is really perfect! I believe it is always easier to face FIL at home then MIL.
5. Can have couple time now since PIL are at home to baby-sit the kids most of the time - really good one this! Also somebody around to keep an eye on the maid/helper - quite crucial.
6. Your hubby's support for you to be a SAHM, got helper, got time to go on ksp - wah....I envy you! Hee....hee...
Your situation is not bad at all cwc! By all means come here to vent your frus...life cannot be too perfect whatever the circumstances.
I am definitely quite envious!
:celebrate: -
DesertWind:
Hi DesertWind,
Hi cwc,
Wow, reading your post makes me quite envious of you!
I am one of those rare ones in this poll to answer \"YES\", if given the choice, would I stay with my in-laws? Why? Because of all those advantages you mentioned:
1. No need for your hubby to run between 2 houses especially he is the filial type will sure to take care of his parents.
2. Your PILs are renting out their flat to earn rental income. Financially independant no need to burden you and your hubby. This is great!
3. Translated into no need for you all to give them extra allowance = more cashflow for your household - not bad at all!
4. Your MIL is now working so one of you are out of the house most of the day - this is really perfect! I believe it is always easier to face FIL at home then MIL.
5. Can have couple time now since PIL are at home to baby-sit the kids most of the time - really good one this! Also somebody around to keep an eye on the maid/helper - quite crucial.
6. Your hubby's support for you to be a SAHM, got helper, got time to go on ksp - wah....I envy you! Hee....hee...
Your situation is not bad at all cwc! By all means come here to vent your frus...life cannot be too perfect whatever the circumstances.
I am definitely quite envious!
:celebrate:
You sure is POSITIVE......only see the GOOOOOOOOD points....ha ha.
#1 - agree 100%, no need to run 2 house.....BUT imagine having to face them full-time and step in to diffuse all the arguments which can happen quite often....no longer out of sight out of mind. House is no longer haven.....
#3 - extra cashflow - quite insignificant cos Double utilities, extra groceries and medical bills.
#5 - FIL dementia, goes round dirtying house..part-time helper only day-time and weekdays.... So if MIL not around, we cannot go out. Based on past few maids experience (I was working then), with MIL = maid all asked to quit within 6 months....I had to persuade them to complete 2year contract. Also, staying together means we become main driver to ferry them around to run errands
#2,4,6 - Agree. But #6 came long after many things happen....and helper only started ~ 3 months ago (if still no helper, probably I'll be in depression liao) Let's face it, it's because I'm a SAHM, that's why he can be rest assured that kids are taken care of, in-laws are monitored and therefore can go to work in peace instead of getting calls from MIL everyday.........
Frankly, I believe everyone has their own frustration and problems....once in a while must vent. For now, I am happy....cos' have a helper to settle Mon-Fri, just worried about the day when MIL stop working....she's not young you know....anytime she may just feel too tired to work......then hell will resurface again :shock:
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