In-law problems?
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Chenonceau:
Run around since 6am till now....finally a chance to sit and surf.... :rahrah:jtoh:
Chenonceau, you very brave to have your mil with you again.
Actually no... I think I am just stupid.
Hmm....if you are stupid, I must be CRAZY & IDIOTIC :laugh:
Actually this is my 3rd time too and it proved to be fatal :faint:
1st time, married and got no house, stay with them for 2 years. But as DH travelled a lot, I practically pack-bag home if DH not around for >3days. Back then already :siam: them day in & out.
2nd time, PILs sold old & got a new house, need temp shelter, so came over for a few months.....xiong and terrible, but bear with it since still see light at end of tunnel.
3rd time (this time), PILs getting old all by themselves, fights everyday, so DH insist they shift in to help take care/monitor them. I was :siao: enough to want to be filial but now realised I courted my own death......... the rest, no need to say liao.
Seriously, thanks for all the compliments (Chenoneau, RRMummy)....dun really deserve it cos' I dun do that much esp now got helper, but mentally it is stressful, very, since I am also picky and petty type. And when you meet someone who insist it's a habit and refused to change :mad: :stupid: If I can turn back the clock, I will probably insist FIL be sent to nursing home right from the start instead of agreeing to hire a helper. At least I have half the problem gone instead of 3 sets. (MIL, FIL, Helper) While FIL may not last that long, maybe another year?? MIL is strong and I fear she still has a loooonnnngggg way to go.
Me no ANGEL....but definitely upset when still kena blamed just becos' I am the DIL. So I probably will stop giving face to all the whoever trying to give me some 'good advice' on how I should behave. Like YingLuck, it's a minefield over here, tread carefully hor...dun try your luck over my house :evil:
(*aiyah, can only say say oni....can only act tough oni.....YES YES, here I can imagine. But after that, soft-hearted again.....grrrhhhhh :slapshead: ) -
You dun deserve it? You dun? What must a DIL suffer to deserve anything then. Seriously, you deserve every bit of admiration and more. For having a kind heart… for giving so much of yourself… for holding up under extreme aggravation. Voluntarily too.
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Chenonceau, is the mil going to your house for meals everyday since she's going to stay next to you? You also deserve a :salute: for tolerating such mil for so many years. These mil are not educated, so they are so fixed and stubborn and refused to change. I believe the next generation should have better mil, since we are all educated and have gone thru the nightmare.
Last time when my mil was still not senile, she was also interfering with lots of thing. dh is super filial and will never dare to stay no and he even declares his mother is always right. Now the mil is 90+ and very senile, so does not interfer any more. -
sall:
Staying beside and going to your place for meals everyday ? Wow, you are amazing. The not educated MILs think they are entitled to have DIL cook for them...bcos it's expected.Chenonceau, is the mil going to your house for meals everyday since she's going to stay next to you? You also deserve a :salute: for tolerating such mil for so many years. These mil are not educated, so they are so fixed and stubborn and refused to change. I believe the next generation should have better mil, since we are all educated and have gone thru the nightmare.
Last time when my mil was still not senile, she was also interfering with lots of thing. dh is super filial and will never dare to stay no and he even declares his mother is always right. Now the mil is 90+ and very senile, so does not interfer any more.
When your MIL was not senile, you had a problem with her interferring with everything. With her senile now, is it better ? Is there another problem ? -
sall:
Sall.....when I use such words, DH will scold me....education level is not the issue, our MILs have also gone thru' MILs of their time....it's just a vicious cycleChenonceau, is the mil going to your house for meals everyday since she's going to stay next to you? You also deserve a :salute: for tolerating such mil for so many years. These mil are not educated, so they are so fixed and stubborn and refused to change. I believe the next generation should have better mil, since we are all educated and have gone thru the nightmare.
Last time when my mil was still not senile, she was also interfering with lots of thing. dh is super filial and will never dare to stay no and he even declares his mother is always right. Now the mil is 90+ and very senile, so does not interfer any more.
Reflecting, I do believe a person is not characterized by their education level but being educated will help us to be more adaptive, listen (hopefully) & learn better and possibly react/handle in a different manner. My own grandma was not educated at all, but she was a very mild and open-minded lady of her time.
However, being educated can also mean......we can be more demanding in our own way too :scared: ........I know of people with educated MIL, errrhhh, not easy also, can be quite a mental challenge. So either way, it's MIL who uses 'brute force' or MIL who uses 'mental wrestle'. The point I am making is.....dun interfere, educated or not educated. Just have to remember, when I have a DIL, dun interfere and let go if they dun accept it....no matter how good the intention is, let them decide ,
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You’re so right, cwc. Education does not determine if one will be a good or bad MIL. Mine is university-educated and was holding high post before her retirement, so she is definitely not the ignorant type. But equally strong-headed, controlling and prejudiced as those who are not educated…
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Chenonceau:
You dun deserve it? You dun? What must a DIL suffer to deserve anything then. Seriously, you deserve every bit of admiration and more. For having a kind heart... for giving so much of yourself... for holding up under extreme aggravation. Voluntarily too.
Ha ha....dun worry....I very AH Q......will always pat myself and tell DH.....
\"Look at me carefully ah. See this (point at my face)??? I already do what I can, and already done a lot more than all the rest who won't even allow them over. IF they (mean the other siblings) dare to say me, I'll tell them to bring PILs over to their own house.\" :evil:
But all quite smart lah, none commented much.....oni MIL complain to them but one did thank me cos' he knows it's not easy esp. his mom character....but then there was an incident when he told me not to be 'calculative' (cos' I refused to swallow the accusation by MIL of lying) and I bark at him asking if that is what he will subject his own wife to.....diam.... :siam: :rotflmao: feel shiok :rotflmao: -
Angelight:
You're so right, cwc. Education does not determine if one will be a good or bad MIL. Mine is university-educated and was holding high post before her retirement, so she is definitely not the ignorant type. But equally strong-headed, controlling and prejudiced as those who are not educated...
:hi5: -
janet_lee88:
Oh, no no. I was asking chenoneau whether her mil will be going over to her house for makan, since they will be staying next to one another.
Staying beside and going to your place for meals everyday ? Wow, you are amazing. The not educated MILs think they are entitled to have DIL cook for them...bcos it's expected.sall:
Chenonceau, is the mil going to your house for meals everyday since she's going to stay next to you? You also deserve a :salute: for tolerating such mil for so many years. These mil are not educated, so they are so fixed and stubborn and refused to change. I believe the next generation should have better mil, since we are all educated and have gone thru the nightmare.
Last time when my mil was still not senile, she was also interfering with lots of thing. dh is super filial and will never dare to stay no and he even declares his mother is always right. Now the mil is 90+ and very senile, so does not interfer any more.
When your MIL was not senile, you had a problem with her interferring with everything. With her senile now, is it better ? Is there another problem ?
Now mil is senile, so she just sits around and watch tv and sleep very often.
And yes, some well-educated mil can also be mil from hell. But as cwc said, it all depends on the personality of the mil. But to most mil, educated or not, dil are somebody else's daughter.
Just to check with you ladies, if you only have daughters, does your mil blame you or insist that you try again to produce a son?
I have an aunt who hated her dil because she gave birth to 2 girls. Life was really unbearable for this poor lady, so sad. -
Sall… I dunno if she will be coming over leh… I guess I will have to play it by ear. She has a fully equipped kitchenette though to encourage her to cook her own meals.
My MIL is educated. I kinda think education has nothing to do with it. I think that MIL just presume too much. The Chinese mentality is that when you marry a man, you cease to exist. You become part of that man’s life. My in-laws would come into our room or my house and make off with MY belongings and lend them to other people without asking me. They asked my husband instead. Hence, it becomes a tussle over influence and power.
Chinese MIL believe that the grandchildren belong to them and they have rights to decide for them. Chinese MIL believe sons and daughters-in-law belong to them and they have rights to decide for them too. Chinese MIL believe that all that the son owns belongs to them… house, furniture, children, maid and wife. This gives them the confidence to come over to your house to tell the maid what to do, re-arrange your furniture the way they like, and lend your things to people THEY like. This means that nothing the DIL has belongs to her. Her husband is MIL’s son. Her children are MIL’s grandchildren. Her house, her furniture and her personal belongings also belong to MIL.
Even very educated MIL can have this proprietary attitude. My MIL is quite well educated. She reads poetry and plays the guzheng… paints Chinese brush painting and does calligraphy. BUT, she still disses my daughter and favours my son… and ignores me.
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