In-law problems?

[jedamum]

winth:

, try to make his mum happy by listening to her complaints, and him allowing me to take 'offs' so that I won't need to visit them as often, so as to reduce conflict.


They are his parents, so I know it's really hard on his part to make a choice. 手心手背都是肉.
.

off topic, but i had a discussion with my ds1 a few months back when he told me that he didn't want to visit my parents over the weekend as he prefers to relax at home :roll:

me : \"next time when you grow up, get married and your children said don't want to visit me, how?\"
ds : \"then i visit you can already.\"
me : \"then who looks after your children?\"
ds : \"their mum la!\"

:roll: time to get my husband more involved in the care-taking of the kids.

[buds]

winth:

[quote]Worse part, during

the initial period of marriage, hubs never once made a stand on my
part.

I've complained this to him too. But I think, after so many years together, we've compromised on how to schedule them into our weekly routine so that we try to visit them, make the most out of the few hours together, try to make his mum happy by listening to her complaints, and him allowing me to take 'offs' so that I won't need to visit them as often, so as to reduce conflict.

They are his parents, so I know it's really hard on his part to make a choice. 手心手背都是肉.[/quote]Yup. Stuck between a wall and a really hard rock..
They (hubs) oso poor thing. Not fair to make them choose.
So i just ren lor (endure). The end result. KEHKEHKEH.. I've
climbed up to the number 1 spot liao! See! Patience is a virtue..
:lol: :lol: :lol:

[winth]

[quote]my parents never, i repeat, NEVER... encouraged me to talk back to my

PIL's, be rude to elders nor get into tongue-wars with my husband over
it... [/quote]On the night before my wedding day, my mum sat down and went through the 'rules & regulations' of being a DIL. My father came in turn and told me just one thing:

in hokkien, he said:
MUST ALWAYS GREET YOUR ELDERS (MY PILS), MUST MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND CAN HEAR THAT YOU GREETED THEM. YOUR PILS CANNOT HEAR (OR TREAT THAT THEY CANNOT HEAR), NVM, AS LONG AS YOUR HUSBAND HEARD IT. SO THAT THEY CANNOT TALK BEHIND YOUR BACK (IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND) THAT YOU'RE RUDE FOR NOT GREETING.

[schellen]

sashimi:

Yes, same. 99999 topics out of 100000 that come out of my MIL mouth is about money, prices and costs. It drives me NUTS.

My mom drives me nuts too. Our relationship only got a bit better after I got married and moved out. Thank goodness I got married young enough.

We don't live with our parents so we're lucky. And we're not so obliged to visit. They understand, we understand, that living together and interacting often causes more conflicts. Best to minimise interactions and savour the few good times we have.

Concerning our DD, our parents (even my mild dad and his \"everything chincai\" parents) suddenly turned into overbearing monsters after DD was born. We united and \"fought back\". We even \"threatened\" to prevent them from seeing their granddaughter if they \"misbehave\". Of course, we kena labelled as bad \"children\", disrespectful, blahblahblah but for the sake of our DD, we insisted on our way. This battle went on for a few years until my DD blossomed and then they started shutting up.

So parents, do not try this in your own homes unless you want to be labelled, outcast, shunned, etc. We are very thick-skinned and have high confidence levels in our parenting skills which allows us to reap the fruits of our labour now.

At least the \"ending\" now though not happy all the time, but at least everyone can breathe and some respect still exists.

[jawcee74]

How will we as parents feel if our kids only visited us once a month or during CNY and other special occasions only


Well I always believe that to give enough "space" for our kids to breathe and DUN be like a superglued parents always seeking for attention.
As I do have friends that MILs are ALWAYS JEALOUS

[sashimi]

insider:

When I was in the hospital after delivering my first daughter, my in laws came to visit me.


When I opened my eyes, the first thing my father in law said to me was, \"Why is it not a son?\" and shaking his head.

I'm so sorry this happened to you!

I only like girls myself, zero interest in sons; so I can assure you, one day if and when I become a FIL, I will be saying to my DD, \"Um, can I please have at least one granddaughter?\". :love:

[jawcee74]

Hi buds,


Thanks for sharing the same emotion. The reason behind on why my girl went to the hospital was due to MIL spending too much time taking care on her first GRANDSON…

And to my MIL, infant having fever is ok… :x
I think even till i die, I will never forgive/forget…this!!!

[buds]

sashimi:

insider:

When I was in the hospital after delivering my first daughter, my in laws came to visit me.


When I opened my eyes, the first thing my father in law said to me was, \"Why is it not a son?\" and shaking his head.

I'm so sorry this happened to you!

I only like girls myself, zero interest in sons; so I can assure you, one day if and when I become a FIL, I will be saying to my DD, \"Um, can I please have at least one granddaughter?\". :love:

Hahaa!
Me too!
Girls anytime..
:please:

[buds]

jawcee74:

Hi buds,


Thanks for sharing the same emotion. The reason behind on why my girl went to the hospital was due to MIL spending too much time taking care on her first GRANDSON...

And to my MIL, infant having fever is ok... :x
I think even till i die, I will never forgive/forget...this!!!!!

I can understand where you're coming from... FULLY.
Its hard to forget, what more forgive...
In time, it will be a past memory...
not so much angst,
hatred or grudge..

Cos that's what i told myself then..
During my roughest patch..

Its in a distant memory now.
Thank God for that.
Forgive? Hmmmm... dunno yet.
Heheh! Can like dat? :lol: :lol:

Well jawcee74,
Share with you another one with regards to health concerns..

My daughter inherited asthma from my hub's side of the family.
Hence, she's sensitive to the very minutest stuff like dirty air, smoke,
dust (can you imagine!) and allergic to many types of food while growing
up. So, tho i'm ok with not 100% clean environment kind (so as not to
manja her with ultra clean living space-in case it will pose poblems in
future), i do dislike if she gets sick, esp for no reason or for some obvious
reason. This is another episode of my 10yr drama, hahaa!

MIL used to rear a cat as a pet. I have briefed hubs on not letting baby
go near the cat at all times cos i dun want her to fall sick. We were abt
to go out when i had a call. So i told him to mind the baby awhile... and
check her diaper, cos i smelt some \"baking\" in progress. To my dismay,
(and horror) when i came back from answering the call, i found hubs
outside waiting for me, without baby!

I asked him where's the baby? He said with mum.
Where's mum? In the room, he replied..
So, go get her lah.. Wait, mum changing diaper for her.
Wait a minute... change diaper in whose room?
Her room...

That very minute i glimpsed upon the door to her room which was left
ajar and you wouldnt believe what i saw.. Baby was on her bed where
the smelly cat slept, (poo-ed and pee-ed too) with the cats tail wagging
and stroking her face! I went in, picked up baby and went out. Took
baby wipes and wiped her face, hands, hair, and the dress that she was
wearing which was full with cat fur (which i eventually gave up wiping
off - just changed into another clean dress). Baby started to sneeze non-
stop while i was in the midst of changing her. And her eyes started to go
watery red...

All this time maintaining my cool. Boy, that was hard.. I was abt to blow
my top. I composed myself, and told her in a crackling voice... Mum, i've
told you before... she is sensitive to pet fur/feathers and i personally
requested you not to plc her anywhere near the cat and i thought since
you had all 3 sons with asthma when they were growing up, you would
understand... Why did you have to change her on the bed beside the cat,
mum... Her stoic reply?

\"Well, i took care of 3 sons all with asthma. They didn't... die.\"
\"I ate more salt than you, so you dun hafta teach me abt raising
children. I know better...\"

[No emoticon can best describe what i felt (here)... ]

I was on urgent leave for 3 days caring for baby who went down
with severe bronchitis and high fever. All the time her nose runny and
never had peaceful sleep throughout the 3 days, not able to breathe
properly. So i didn get any sleep either, of course...

The first night of her high fever, was the first time i had to
put her to the nebulizer. My heart ached as the baby cried..
and cried and cried... God help me..

Hubs, knowing how distraught i was.... went quiet.
We didn speak for the 3 days. That catty incident
NEVER happened again. God HELPED me. Amen.

[buds]

sashimi:

buds:

When baby was able to return home, i started to try nursing her.
Being a 1st time mum, i had some challenges getting baby to latch
on. At this, MIL retorted, the baby doesn't like your milk. Give her to
me, i'll do the feeding - with the bottle. You're starving the baby to death.
My poor grandchild.

:x :x :x :x :x This is pure evil!! I've heard this scenario described by many mothers and it always pisses me off. I absolutely detest MILs who DARE say such a thing to a mother. What an utter insult! How can anyone who's ever been a mother say such a thing to another mother! Preposterous! You have my complete sympathy, buds.

For the record, i really DID feel terribly insulted.