In-law problems?

[janet88]

Mil hardly happy with daughter-in-law.

If DIL doesn’t do housework, mil say she is lazy.
If DIL has maid, she say DIL good life…should have saved that money.
If grandchildren has tuition, she will ask why the mother can’t teach own children.
Hardly anything daughter in law does is right.

[Imami]

janet_lee88:

Mil hardly happy with daughter-in-law.

If DIL doesn't do housework, mil say she is lazy.
If DIL has maid, she say DIL good life...should have saved that money.
If grandchildren has tuition, she will ask why the mother can't teach own children.
Hardly anything daughter in law does is right.

Do you mean yours?

While my mil is not very close to me, I have to say she has never said any of those before....the one on maid is not applicable, since I don't have one. But she has ever asked me to get her one though.

[SAHM Chew]

Desserts:

Yes, fresco, so true, we have to learn to give and take.


Sahm chew, me too, got no help. Also got to bao ga Liao from teaching to cooking, marketing , etc. So, will sometimes ask the husband to give me some time off, to relax.
Think we Sahm, really need time to chill out, for me, I take it as a time to reflect on myself, ESP when I had a crazy week, or shouting at the kids too much. I also don't have a big heart to stay with my in laws long term, cause I ll end up having to serve them. Hahaha.
When mil came to stay over for 2 days sometimes, she practically treated herself as queen, and I had to serve her all 3 meals, she didn't lift a finger to help, not even minor things like folding the clothes or clear up after meals. I even treated her to pedi and mani and foot reflex. Knowing she has no dds, i try my best to fill in as one. Hb also saw that his mother is calculative and petty and hard to please.


Ya, janet, the education system is getting so much more stressful, after last year s psle saga, I m still drained now, no energy to help my p5 and 1.

But we must take care of ourselves well, my female lecturer alw told us, we have to look good to feel good. Hehe.

Have a great week ahead, all blessed mamas.

My hb does give me time off.... But with all the tuitions and CCA on weekends, hard for me to take time off, as i need to make sure that they are at the correct time at the correct place.

I think I give myself too much stress, and takes everything upon myself.

[janet88]

Desserts:

Ya, janet, the education system is getting so much more stressful, after last year s psle saga, I m still drained now, no energy to help my p5 and 1.

But we must take care of ourselves well, my female lecturer alw told us, we have to look good to feel good. Hehe.

Have a great week ahead, all blessed mamas.

Forget about looking after the old one...I am really unable to bring myself to do it. The first day of CNY made hubby (especially) and I pissed with her ridiculous attitude. If she wants to be served and waited upon, ask her daughter to do it...since that daughter is eyeing her parents flat.

With son in sec 1, I am still learning to adjust to his new schedule...can't let go completely but have to give him leeway to grow...finding that balance is hard :stupid: At 13 where he is not mature but yet no small boy, parents still have to be in some control before he goes haywire. Hubby worked from home for 2 days last week and he saw how restricted I am.

SAHMs need to stay sane or we will not be able to get things done. Men have to work...so it is not possible to expect them to run operation at home.

[vinegar]

sleepy:

Me too another do-everything SAHM without help. But I guess I sit on the other spectrum - underachieving. I acknowledged long ago that I'm not the domestic kind of person and hence too ready to forgive myself even if house not perfectly clean.


I do cleaning chores once a week. No need to clean everyday la. Where got so much energy?
Laundry is my most often task though, at least need to run 4 to 5 load each week. Other than that, sometimes I cook sometimes I don't. Tired then declare off day.

My most tiring task is actually sending/fetching kids to/fro school/tuition/music. This is rigid, cannot suka suka declare off even when I'm tired.

I don't actively coach my kids in school work. They auto-pilot la. If stuck, they would ask me one or two questions but not very often. So I usually read manga in my room & surf kiasuparents while they're doing their homework in their room.

Yesterday my mum called around 10am. dd1 answered the call. My mum's standard first question if I didn't answer the phone personally is '妈眯在睡觉？\" Aiyo even my own mum had the impression I'm 'eng eng' . I'm rather offended le, told my kids I'm not that 'eng' hor, just that I tried to multi-task & do everything at once so that I can start to idle earlier. And I do wake up very early on most days although I don't set alarm

this one i can Fully understand...DH,mil or frds don't understand....even my own mum also doesn't understand...very frustrating...Don't blame her,coz during her times,she didn't nid to ferry/teach the children.We all grew up 200% auto pilot.

[KSmom8]

vinegar:

sleepy:

Me too another do-everything SAHM without help. But I guess I sit on the other spectrum - underachieving. I acknowledged long ago that I'm not the domestic kind of person and hence too ready to forgive myself even if house not perfectly clean.


I do cleaning chores once a week. No need to clean everyday la. Where got so much energy?
Laundry is my most often task though, at least need to run 4 to 5 load each week. Other than that, sometimes I cook sometimes I don't. Tired then declare off day.

My most tiring task is actually sending/fetching kids to/fro school/tuition/music. This is rigid, cannot suka suka declare off even when I'm tired.

I don't actively coach my kids in school work. They auto-pilot la. If stuck, they would ask me one or two questions but not very often. So I usually read manga in my room & surf kiasuparents while they're doing their homework in their room.

Yesterday my mum called around 10am. dd1 answered the call. My mum's standard first question if I didn't answer the phone personally is '妈眯在睡觉？\" Aiyo even my own mum had the impression I'm 'eng eng' . I'm rather offended le, told my kids I'm not that 'eng' hor, just that I tried to multi-task & do everything at once so that I can start to idle earlier. And I do wake up very early on most days although I don't set alarm

this one i can Fully understand...DH,mil or frds don't understand....even my own mum also doesn't understand...very frustrating...Don't blame her,coz during her times,she didn't nid to ferry/teach the children.We all grew up 200% auto pilot.

Same same. DH and MIL don't understand. My mum didn't understand until she had to cover for me a few times, due to emergency at ILs. She then told me, DH and others that is was too tiring and dangerous to have such a packed schedule.

My mum helps out on the less hectic days, when I need to take time out for myself. The chill-out \"me\" time helps keep my sanity.

[BeContented]

Errrmmm.......I'm also a everything-I-do SAHM.

Taking care of own family was busy enough, when PILs shifted in.....it was real tough.
On top of my own family, I had to ferry them, run errands, go doc appt with them, prepare their daily medication etc. During bad times, I had to clean up the mess from FIL many times a day (shit, urine, saliva/phlegm, cigarette ash, food remains). Not to forget all the conflicts with them.....it's was really really xiong :sick:

Hence, after FIL passed away and with currently MIL is still able to clean up herself, suddenly my SAHM job feels a lot easier liao........so for now, I can't complain

Sometimes, when one has been through harder/worse times, we will realise our situation is not so bad after all. As long as it doesn't get worse. :love:

[vinegar]

BeContented:

Errrmmm.......I'm also a everything-I-do SAHM.

Taking care of own family was busy enough, when PILs shifted in.....it was real tough.
On top of my own family, I had to ferry them, run errands, go doc appt with them, prepare their daily medication etc. During bad times, I had to clean up the mess from FIL many times a day (shit, urine, saliva/phlegm, cigarette ash, food remains). Not to forget all the conflicts with them.....it's was really really xiong :sick:

Hence, after FIL passed away and with currently MIL is still able to clean up herself, suddenly my SAHM job feels a lot easier liao........so for now, I can't complain

Sometimes, when one has been through harder/worse times, we will realise our situation is not so bad after all. As long as it doesn't get worse. :love:

:udawoman: Ur FIL reminds me of my father+the newspaper which he always threw ard all over the place.

[vinegar]

janet_lee88:

The other day I was feeling blue...so grumbled to mum about the lack of life/depressing being stuck at home.

During our time, education standard weren't this high...so mum didnt have to worry much...as long as every year get promoted and then go to express stream in sec. Now, we parents have to be involved and as such lives are revolved around kids.

Vacuum 2x a week. Iron 2x a week. Cook lunch 6x a week...simple one.
When kids return, have lunch together, rest and coach them in homework followed by revision...daughter will try to auto-pilot unless she needs help. This is the rigid part. Weekends, they have tuition and then have to see that complete tuition homework.

If my mum says I am free, I will be mad bcos I am not.

One frd of mine told me that she has 3kids,can manage to do this or that...Ermm...lazy to explain,different ppl,different children,different std of living.Then she started to say her frd also very fussy,also can manage.
Lazy to elaborate more,i simply told her i've fussy DH+kids.Then,she started to share her tips on how to manage these fussy ppl....never ending....Nevertheless,i appreciate her teaching.

[KSmom8]

janet_lee88:

Mil hardly happy with daughter-in-law.

If DIL doesn't do housework, mil say she is lazy.
If DIL has maid, she say DIL good life...should have saved that money.
If grandchildren has tuition, she will ask why the mother can't teach own children.
Hardly anything daughter in law does is right.

My MIL wouldn't dare say it to my face. I'd probably avoid meeting her for sometime till I cool down, then she'd risk not seeing her grandkids. Not that she makes much effort to see and get to know them.

When I stopped working, she assumed that we'd let go our maid and asked when is maid leaving. She doesn't know that with the maid, DH is the one with a good life. He does not need to help with housework. I'd rather have a part-time maid, more privacy, don't need to handle maid related issues ... but I won't serve DH and expect him to help out. Having a maid helps keep harmony so that we won't fight about chores. DH is free to do whatever he wants after work.

Kids have Chinese tuition cos DH ( the More Chinese one ) can't and won't tutor them. I ( Potato one ) can only help till pri 2 at most. MIL does not see it this way.

This CNY ran into relatives IL side, whom I hardly meet. It was obvious from questions and comments what MIL has been saying about me. The comments ranged from, you need to XXX more so the kids don't keep falling ill, you need to cook more often, you need to instruct your maid to cook every meal, etc. Yup, I'm a lousy and lazy DIL, who cant look after and feed my children. However, I'm darn proud that I rebutted all comments graciously with a big smile and more importantly, my kids looked well-fed healthy and were well-behaved.

Am kinda sad that MIL still doesn't understand though. For two months, MIL stayed with us due to a family emergency. She followed me on my routine once, sent kids to and fro schools separately, late lunch with kid, sent one kid to tuition, sent another kid to tuition, visited 2 supermarkets, etc. Came home and cooked dinner. She was so tired that she refused to accompany me after that. Instead, she preferred to stay home and drove my maid up the wall....but that's another story.