In-law problems?
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vinegar:
Same same. DH and MIL don't understand. My mum didn't understand until she had to cover for me a few times, due to emergency at ILs. She then told me, DH and others that is was too tiring and dangerous to have such a packed schedule.
this one i can Fully understand...DH,mil or frds don't understand....even my own mum also doesn't understand...very frustrating...Don't blame her,coz during her times,she didn't nid to ferry/teach the children.We all grew up 200% auto pilot.sleepy:
Me too another do-everything SAHM without help. But I guess I sit on the other spectrum - underachieving. I acknowledged long ago that I'm not the domestic kind of person and hence too ready to forgive myself even if house not perfectly clean.
I do cleaning chores once a week. No need to clean everyday la. Where got so much energy?
Laundry is my most often task though, at least need to run 4 to 5 load each week. Other than that, sometimes I cook sometimes I don't. Tired then declare off day.
My most tiring task is actually sending/fetching kids to/fro school/tuition/music. This is rigid, cannot suka suka declare off even when I'm tired.
I don't actively coach my kids in school work. They auto-pilot la. If stuck, they would ask me one or two questions but not very often. So I usually read manga in my room & surf kiasuparents while they're doing their homework in their room.
Yesterday my mum called around 10am. dd1 answered the call. My mum's standard first question if I didn't answer the phone personally is '妈眯在睡觉？\" Aiyo even my own mum had the impression I'm 'eng eng' . I'm rather offended le, told my kids I'm not that 'eng' hor, just that I tried to multi-task & do everything at once so that I can start to idle earlier. And I do wake up very early on most days although I don't set alarm
My mum helps out on the less hectic days, when I need to take time out for myself. The chill-out \"me\" time helps keep my sanity. -
Errrmmm.......I'm also a everything-I-do SAHM.
Taking care of own family was busy enough, when PILs shifted in.....it was real tough.
On top of my own family, I had to ferry them, run errands, go doc appt with them, prepare their daily medication etc. During bad times, I had to clean up the mess from FIL many times a day (shit, urine, saliva/phlegm, cigarette ash, food remains). Not to forget all the conflicts with them.....it's was really really xiong :sick:
Hence, after FIL passed away and with currently MIL is still able to clean up herself, suddenly my SAHM job feels a lot easier liao........so for now, I can't complain
Sometimes, when one has been through harder/worse times, we will realise our situation is not so bad after all. As long as it doesn't get worse. :love: -
BeContented:
:udawoman: Ur FIL reminds me of my father+the newspaper which he always threw ard all over the place.Errrmmm.......I'm also a everything-I-do SAHM.
Taking care of own family was busy enough, when PILs shifted in.....it was real tough.
On top of my own family, I had to ferry them, run errands, go doc appt with them, prepare their daily medication etc. During bad times, I had to clean up the mess from FIL many times a day (shit, urine, saliva/phlegm, cigarette ash, food remains). Not to forget all the conflicts with them.....it's was really really xiong :sick:
Hence, after FIL passed away and with currently MIL is still able to clean up herself, suddenly my SAHM job feels a lot easier liao........so for now, I can't complain
Sometimes, when one has been through harder/worse times, we will realise our situation is not so bad after all. As long as it doesn't get worse. :love: -
janet_lee88:
One frd of mine told me that she has 3kids,can manage to do this or that...Ermm...lazy to explain,different ppl,different children,different std of living.Then she started to say her frd also very fussy,also can manage.The other day I was feeling blue...so grumbled to mum about the lack of life/depressing being stuck at home.
During our time, education standard weren't this high...so mum didnt have to worry much...as long as every year get promoted and then go to express stream in sec. Now, we parents have to be involved and as such lives are revolved around kids.
Vacuum 2x a week. Iron 2x a week. Cook lunch 6x a week...simple one.
When kids return, have lunch together, rest and coach them in homework followed by revision...daughter will try to auto-pilot unless she needs help. This is the rigid part. Weekends, they have tuition and then have to see that complete tuition homework.
If my mum says I am free, I will be mad bcos I am not.
Lazy to elaborate more,i simply told her i've fussy DH+kids.Then,she started to share her tips on how to manage these fussy ppl....never ending....Nevertheless,i appreciate her teaching. -
janet_lee88:
My MIL wouldn't dare say it to my face. I'd probably avoid meeting her for sometime till I cool down, then she'd risk not seeing her grandkids. Not that she makes much effort to see and get to know them.Mil hardly happy with daughter-in-law.
If DIL doesn't do housework, mil say she is lazy.
If DIL has maid, she say DIL good life...should have saved that money.
If grandchildren has tuition, she will ask why the mother can't teach own children.
Hardly anything daughter in law does is right.
When I stopped working, she assumed that we'd let go our maid and asked when is maid leaving. She doesn't know that with the maid, DH is the one with a good life. He does not need to help with housework. I'd rather have a part-time maid, more privacy, don't need to handle maid related issues ... but I won't serve DH and expect him to help out. Having a maid helps keep harmony so that we won't fight about chores. DH is free to do whatever he wants after work.
Kids have Chinese tuition cos DH ( the More Chinese one ) can't and won't tutor them. I ( Potato one ) can only help till pri 2 at most. MIL does not see it this way.
This CNY ran into relatives IL side, whom I hardly meet. It was obvious from questions and comments what MIL has been saying about me. The comments ranged from, you need to XXX more so the kids don't keep falling ill, you need to cook more often, you need to instruct your maid to cook every meal, etc. Yup, I'm a lousy and lazy DIL, who cant look after and feed my children. However, I'm darn proud that I rebutted all comments graciously with a big smile and more importantly, my kids looked well-fed healthy and were well-behaved.
Am kinda sad that MIL still doesn't understand though. For two months, MIL stayed with us due to a family emergency. She followed me on my routine once, sent kids to and fro schools separately, late lunch with kid, sent one kid to tuition, sent another kid to tuition, visited 2 supermarkets, etc. Came home and cooked dinner. She was so tired that she refused to accompany me after that. Instead, she preferred to stay home and drove my maid up the wall....but that's another story. -
BeContented:
:salute: :salute: :salute:Errrmmm.......I'm also a everything-I-do SAHM.
Taking care of own family was busy enough, when PILs shifted in.....it was real tough.
On top of my own family, I had to ferry them, run errands, go doc appt with them, prepare their daily medication etc. During bad times, I had to clean up the mess from FIL many times a day (shit, urine, saliva/phlegm, cigarette ash, food remains). Not to forget all the conflicts with them.....it's was really really xiong :sick:
Hence, after FIL passed away and with currently MIL is still able to clean up herself, suddenly my SAHM job feels a lot easier liao........so for now, I can't complain
Sometimes, when one has been through harder/worse times, we will realise our situation is not so bad after all. As long as it doesn't get worse. :love:
I'd go mad if PILs shifted in on long term basis. Short term and temporarily I can still handle. On permanent long term basis, my heart no big enough. -
KSmom8:
My lunch is at 230pm...with the kids. After washing up everything, it's like 315pm. If any son brings his maid to 'lend' his mother, I am sure she will clam up. When we used to have maids, hubby is the one with a good life...no need to give a damn about anything. Literally sit down and shake legs or surf Net etc etc. I have to face the maid.
When I stopped working, she assumed that we'd let go our maid and asked when is maid leaving. She doesn't know that with the maid, DH is the one with a good life. He does not need to help with housework. I'd rather have a part-time maid, more privacy, don't need to handle maid related issues ... but I won't serve DH and expect him to help out. Having a maid helps keep harmony so that we won't fight about chores. DH is free to do whatever he wants after work.janet_lee88:
If DIL has maid, she say DIL good life...should have saved that money.
If grandchildren has tuition, she will ask why the mother can't teach own children.
His mother of course hopes the money is saved from tuition to give her...so when hubby told her education system is tougher now...actually he can save his breath because his mother doesn't want to hear that. -
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Thank you. -
I am a FTWM and my MIL stays with us. My PIL have dementia. They used to stay in their hse with 1 maid looking after them, but she went home and the subsequent maids could not cope. So MIL came to stay and my maid looks after her.
Life with someone with dementia can be quite a challenge. PIL have stayed with us on and off these past 10 yr, but her dementia had worsened badly. One morning not long after she first came, I found her squatting in the corner of the hall pulling at the papers we had left in that corner. At first I was puzzled because she does not read, then my maid walk in, exclaimed, and pulled her up. Then I saw the turd on the floor :yikes:
My maid is very good with MIL. Now we have gotten MIL used to wearing adult diapers. Every morning, we sit her on the loo. She's really like a toddler. She \"talks\" to people in the TV. All her food is puréed, and sometimes someone has to feed her.
Early in my marriage, I had the usual ups and downs in my relationship with my MIL. But I'd chosen not keep the 'downs' in heart, and now can hardly remember unpleasant incidences. Which, actually, I regret doing when I quarrel with my dh, cos he always remembers unpleasant incidences with my parents. So I can't bring up counter arguments.
I am thankful the my maid has agreed to renew her contract and will be with us for a couple more years. The house is more untidy, corners are dirty, pots and pans are no longer shining since MIL came to stay ... but I am content with the way things are. -
Laura02:
:salute:I am a FTWM and my MIL stays with us. My PIL have dementia. They used to stay in their hse with 1 maid looking after them, but she went home and the subsequent maids could not cope. So MIL came to stay and my maid looks after her.
Life with someone with dementia can be quite a challenge. PIL have stayed with us on and off these past 10 yr, but her dementia had worsened badly. One morning not long after she first came, I found her squatting in the corner of the hall pulling at the papers we had left in that corner. At first I was puzzled because she does not read, then my maid walk in, exclaimed, and pulled her up. Then I saw the turd on the floor :yikes:
My maid is very good with MIL. Now we have gotten MIL used to wearing adult diapers. Every morning, we sit her on the loo. She's really like a toddler. She \"talks\" to people in the TV. All her food is puréed, and sometimes someone has to feed her.
Early in my marriage, I had the usual ups and downs in my relationship with my MIL. But I'd chosen not keep the 'downs' in heart, and now can hardly remember unpleasant incidences. Which, actually, I regret doing when I quarrel with my dh, cos he always remembers unpleasant incidences with my parents. So I can't bring up counter arguments.
I am thankful the my maid has agreed to renew her contract and will be with us for a couple more years. The house is more untidy, corners are dirty, pots and pans are no longer shining since MIL came to stay ... but I am content with the way things are.
You are one wise woman. And honestly epitomise a \"home maker\" ...
With such love and acceptance, your home will always be shining :rahrah:
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