In-law problems?

[tree nymph]

MIL is also crazy with controlling.


Whenever we are back, we have to look for her and call her and tell her that we are back. whenever we leave the house, we have to also look for her and tell her that we are going off. even if we are rushing for time, we have to do this. I received a lot of phone calls from her in the office chiding me for not calling her and telling her that i’m going to go and leaving the house soon. if you say something like, oops i’m late gotta go while grabing something to eat at the dinning table DOES NOT count! You still have to look for her and tell her:" hi mum, going off now. see ya!" no matter how late you are. Nowadays, if my kids left without telling her, even if i tell her that we are leaving, not counted also. the kids MUST and HAVE to call out her and say bye to her and tell her that they are going off…

early in the days before having kids, she also like to check on me. like where did i go, what time did i come back, who did i go with, what did i have in the plastic bag, where did i go for shopping, what did i buy, how much did it cost, why do i need to buy… halo? i think my mum also never ask so much question. like i’m a prisoner in the house…

i ren…

[tree nymph]

then come the episode of caning...


MIL can't give up her lifestyle and give her time to look after the kid. therefore i have to shuttle the kid to my mum's house and if i were late from work, i will let the kid stay over and bring back on sat. this is the best arrangement for everyone so everyone has some space for their own CCA.

I still remember this happened when my kid is around 20 mths old. He could speak already and could address all the people and everyone knew this. One Sat, we brought him back from my mum's place. As we came in the house, we have to call her and tell her that we are back. but this little boy is having one of his moments and he refused to open his mouth.

MIL said:\" huh? what happened? why you didn't want to call me? come back from that side become like that? huh? why are you like that?\"

I have to keep asking the little boy to call her, but at their age, how do you do that?

all this while, MIL continues with:\" why? come back from the side become like that huh? you were not like that before what. why are you like that? huh? call me! quick call me!\"

i have to urge and urge him to call, but toddlers sometimes also have their temper also and this is one of the times

MIL:\" how can you let him be? come back from that side become like that. he is openly defianting the adults. how can he be like that? boy, why didn't you call me, how can? why? call me!!! you have got to displicine the boy!!!\"

In the end, with tears in my eyes, i told the boy that i will cane him if he didn't call ah mah. cos he is not obedient??!!! I really have no choice. what did she mean by that side? what did she mean by come back from that side become like that? what did she mean that you were not like that before?? what discipline??

I took the cane, tears falling internally inside my tummy - i can't cry - and started to cane the boy... i remembered this like yesterday... the cries from my boy is still ringing in my ears today... i caned until the boy calls her...

fair???

what kind of grandma will force the mother to use this method to extract one lousy 'ah mah'? and this grandma is an highly educated one somemore! even the old cleaning lady cleaning the toilet in my office building also understand that toddlers have their moments and that it is not fair to displicine them like that. just for one lousy 'ah mah'... this is the very first time i use cane on my little boy. and it felt like raining canes on myself...

[auntieM]

Quite amazing you are able to put up with all these on going day in day out.

Your MIL should wake up her idea really.
How can your hubby tahan all this going on around him??

My ILs came up with very very ‘orbit’ name. The first grandson they named didn’t turn out to be ‘blessed’ at all n guess my hubby rather pang tang too.

[tree nymph]

auntieM,

I'm really amazed at myself too you know. i never knew that i can ren ren ren! maybe secretly i like to torture myself??

:?

[Augmum]

tree nymph, u really can ren, yr poor son , kena caned just becos of he din called "ah mah"…


how abt yr hub???..din he come to his son "rescue"

[auntieM]

Hey Tree nymph, please dun ever take it out on the little one, ...

Can I try cheer you up a little with my answer

If I am her DIL......
- Will buy a few weird books to put around the house. Like Blackmagic stuff, How to stay sane...
- Wear green lipstick in the house occasionally.Without scaring little 1.
- Behave in a manner that irritates her. Make her repeat her naggings,
smile when you are not suppose to. Give silly/out of topic answers to her ridiculous demands.
............................For me at least in all misery I can still cheer myself up.

[tree nymph]

Augmum

hb is no help at all... he is really afraid of his mum! so between facing his mum and telling no to her face, he rather i cane the boy.

very sickening hor...???

auntieM,
my MIL is those one cry, two throw tanthems, three hang herself type... my hb and his father are all afraid of her.

But i've promised myself that i will never cane my kids anymore for not addressing her. no matter what kind of daunting names she calls me or what kind of sacarstic remark she made will not make me feel like i have to cane them to satisfy her. I regretted so much for canning the little boy! and just to satisfy her!!! :x

[3Boys]

tree nymph,

phew, quite a situation you’ve got there! Yeah, agree with the rest, you need to stand firm on issues regarding your kids.

[Andaiz]

tree nymph:

But i've promised myself that i will never cane my kids anymore for not addressing her. no matter what kind of daunting names she calls me or what kind of sacarstic remark she made will not make me feel like i have to cane them to satisfy her. I regretted so much for canning the little boy! and just to satisfy her!!! :x

:ugogirl: yep, tree nymph...NEVER take it out on the kids just to satisfy MIL. It'd only give her an upper hand - and like teaching our kids, encourage her to continue in her rampage against you!

Take heart, you are on the right track! :celebrate:

Love,
Another long-suffering DIL

[ponyo]

Hi tree nymph,


Sorry to hear of your problems. Really are like the long suffering DIL in those yue yu chan pian....you know those black and white kind where they always play this classical piece at the climax of the suffering:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXuzLRVi6qk

No trying to make light of your situation, but hopefully, can elicit a smile from you

Tho MIL is not as nasty as yours, I do have my fair share of conflicts with her esp when #1 was just born. Have learn to change my perspective (to preserve my own sanity) and see things from her point of view. Whether i agree with it is another matter but at least it's a way for me to rationalise her sometimes irrational behaviour. Hope you can try that too.

Can only thank God that am not staying with her as MIL herself is a victim of a bullied DIL in her younger days and she knows she has an extremely bad temper that perhaps only her own daughter can withstand so it was mutually agreed that we live near each other but not with each other...heng!