In-law problems?

[auntieM]

Tree nymph, it much be really tough what you are going through…, and on a daily basis. Stay cool oki!


When I was pregnant I had dinner once at MIL’s place. Exposed salted eggs n dated peanuts with porridge…
She bad mouth me and my mum big time coz you can ‘hear’ and sense the sarcastic remarks they make.
I left English name to hubby, and insist that Chinese name to be given by feng shui master. I wouldn’t compromise and end up never use the middle Chinese character for their family. Till now, almost 7 years later, his aunt will still ask me in full detail why boy’s name never follow family …blah …at least twice a year, in front of everyone.
Whether I 'm protrayed as super b***h or not I dun care liao, at least I have control over my little boy and myself.

[tree nymph]

auntieM,

same with names. I came from very traditional chinese schools, must say that my chinese language is quite ok. Out of respect, I asked her to choose English names that she likes and we will pick one from her list. I have already had in mind the chinese name for my kid. She insisted that I have to get her mother to name the child. She said that the names she picked for the kids ended very well for the kids and that the names bring out the best for the kids. gosh, her mother really did think of a name: yong sheng. The name i choose has a very good meaning and i also have a few other words that i can use later for my other kids - already planned out well. Every day she would nag me to take the name that her mother has thought of. One day, I finally cannot take it and told her that I want to use the name I have prepared and she told me:\" who are you to name the baby? you know nothing about it and you obviously can't name the baby well. You are not fit since you are not old enough. better to use the name granny has choosen, she is after all, so old already so can think of good names...\"

upon hearing this, i ren ren ren... :x :x then cried in my room. what did she mean that i'm not fit to name my own child? I AM HIS MOTHER! even if i were to name my baby ah gou ah pig, nobody can fault me too! and furthermore, i'm not an eighteen-year-old mummy, i was over thirty already when i have my first child!

no, i didn't give way and use yong sheng. but we spent money to engage a name master to 'count' his name... I'm not very happy still but this is a compromise that i settled.

i'm not making this episode up... what will you do if you were in my shoes and you are the DIL?

[tree nymph]

MIL is also crazy with controlling.


Whenever we are back, we have to look for her and call her and tell her that we are back. whenever we leave the house, we have to also look for her and tell her that we are going off. even if we are rushing for time, we have to do this. I received a lot of phone calls from her in the office chiding me for not calling her and telling her that i’m going to go and leaving the house soon. if you say something like, oops i’m late gotta go while grabing something to eat at the dinning table DOES NOT count! You still have to look for her and tell her:" hi mum, going off now. see ya!" no matter how late you are. Nowadays, if my kids left without telling her, even if i tell her that we are leaving, not counted also. the kids MUST and HAVE to call out her and say bye to her and tell her that they are going off…

early in the days before having kids, she also like to check on me. like where did i go, what time did i come back, who did i go with, what did i have in the plastic bag, where did i go for shopping, what did i buy, how much did it cost, why do i need to buy… halo? i think my mum also never ask so much question. like i’m a prisoner in the house…

i ren…

[tree nymph]

then come the episode of caning...


MIL can't give up her lifestyle and give her time to look after the kid. therefore i have to shuttle the kid to my mum's house and if i were late from work, i will let the kid stay over and bring back on sat. this is the best arrangement for everyone so everyone has some space for their own CCA.

I still remember this happened when my kid is around 20 mths old. He could speak already and could address all the people and everyone knew this. One Sat, we brought him back from my mum's place. As we came in the house, we have to call her and tell her that we are back. but this little boy is having one of his moments and he refused to open his mouth.

MIL said:\" huh? what happened? why you didn't want to call me? come back from that side become like that? huh? why are you like that?\"

I have to keep asking the little boy to call her, but at their age, how do you do that?

all this while, MIL continues with:\" why? come back from the side become like that huh? you were not like that before what. why are you like that? huh? call me! quick call me!\"

i have to urge and urge him to call, but toddlers sometimes also have their temper also and this is one of the times

MIL:\" how can you let him be? come back from that side become like that. he is openly defianting the adults. how can he be like that? boy, why didn't you call me, how can? why? call me!!! you have got to displicine the boy!!!\"

In the end, with tears in my eyes, i told the boy that i will cane him if he didn't call ah mah. cos he is not obedient??!!! I really have no choice. what did she mean by that side? what did she mean by come back from that side become like that? what did she mean that you were not like that before?? what discipline??

I took the cane, tears falling internally inside my tummy - i can't cry - and started to cane the boy... i remembered this like yesterday... the cries from my boy is still ringing in my ears today... i caned until the boy calls her...

fair???

what kind of grandma will force the mother to use this method to extract one lousy 'ah mah'? and this grandma is an highly educated one somemore! even the old cleaning lady cleaning the toilet in my office building also understand that toddlers have their moments and that it is not fair to displicine them like that. just for one lousy 'ah mah'... this is the very first time i use cane on my little boy. and it felt like raining canes on myself...

[auntieM]

Quite amazing you are able to put up with all these on going day in day out.

Your MIL should wake up her idea really.
How can your hubby tahan all this going on around him??

My ILs came up with very very ‘orbit’ name. The first grandson they named didn’t turn out to be ‘blessed’ at all n guess my hubby rather pang tang too.

[tree nymph]

auntieM,

I'm really amazed at myself too you know. i never knew that i can ren ren ren! maybe secretly i like to torture myself??

:?

[Augmum]

tree nymph, u really can ren, yr poor son , kena caned just becos of he din called "ah mah"…


how abt yr hub???..din he come to his son "rescue"

[auntieM]

Hey Tree nymph, please dun ever take it out on the little one, ...

Can I try cheer you up a little with my answer

If I am her DIL......
- Will buy a few weird books to put around the house. Like Blackmagic stuff, How to stay sane...
- Wear green lipstick in the house occasionally.Without scaring little 1.
- Behave in a manner that irritates her. Make her repeat her naggings,
smile when you are not suppose to. Give silly/out of topic answers to her ridiculous demands.
............................For me at least in all misery I can still cheer myself up.

[tree nymph]

Augmum

hb is no help at all... he is really afraid of his mum! so between facing his mum and telling no to her face, he rather i cane the boy.

very sickening hor...???

auntieM,
my MIL is those one cry, two throw tanthems, three hang herself type... my hb and his father are all afraid of her.

But i've promised myself that i will never cane my kids anymore for not addressing her. no matter what kind of daunting names she calls me or what kind of sacarstic remark she made will not make me feel like i have to cane them to satisfy her. I regretted so much for canning the little boy! and just to satisfy her!!! :x

[3Boys]

tree nymph,

phew, quite a situation you’ve got there! Yeah, agree with the rest, you need to stand firm on issues regarding your kids.