In-law problems?

[oliveoil]

Imami:

popireis:

Mine's fav phrase is 傻瓜 & 笨蛋 (meaning stupid, for the benefit of those who dun understand chinese).


She will go \"your XX son...\"
or say to DSs \"you are so XX...\"
or ask DSs \"are you XX?\" for nothing, or as start of conversation.

:scared: :scared: xx= stupid?
:mad:

Yes, same as my mil, she will used the same phrases...sick.

[oliveoil]

I’m also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I’m not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the ‘queen’. When she is in the kitchen I will ‘siam’ (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her…


When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless ("bo be gao suo" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way "can eat, anything will do".

And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.

Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil ‘I was tired’ during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was "你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!". Her remark really "piss me off"…ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.

[atrecord]

vinegar:

atrecord:

my mother had never called me or talked to me much, so i'm actually really surprised to hear such things... But i guess the bond must be quite good to warrant such contacts, and sadly i'm maybe not so close to my mother...

Yes,their bonds r very closed....MIL treats him like daughter.He doesn't hv mind on his own....

if the mother has more things to do, maybe she will not have so much time to make such calls.
Yes,she is very free.......a tai tai.Another reason...she is control-freak

and if there are other siblings, can maybe ask them to help to tell the mother to cut down on such calls, and the duration of each call - if it is not so easy to tell her directly.
no use.....the more u ask her not to call,the more she would callif happened to me, i'll tell her straight too busy to talk...

If they are really very close, then it shouldn't be too difficult for your DH to have a heart-to-heart talk with his mother to tell her that due to changing times and needs, she should be more understanding and will need to change her habit of calling him. He can of course try to dedicate some time to her but she must understand that while last time before had gf she can have lion's share of his time, now there is DW, kids, family, work, personal - all sorts of priorities so inevitably the time available will reduce.

[atrecord]

oliveoil:

I'm also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I'm not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the 'queen'. When she is in the kitchen I will 'siam' (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her...


When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless (\"bo be gao suo\" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way \"can eat, anything will do\".

And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.

Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil 'I was tired' during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was \"你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!\". Her remark really \"piss me off\"...ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.

I sympathise with you.

Actually it's not difficult to realise that most old people will want to impose their views on the younger ones and in the process create tension. In all likelihood as they age somemore they will find more fault with those around them. I see that happening to my grandmother, and hear the same from colleagues and friends...

I just hope that i will not end up doing the same thing when I'm old...

[atrecord]

vinegar:

ngl2010:

Is your DH working or have his own business? If working for a company, how to answer his mother's call during a meeting? Isn't it very disruptive?

yes,indeed.I think he'll still pick up her call. His mother is his priority..forever...

If working, can tell her that his boss now not happy, told him cannot do so anymore or have to go find another job...

[janet88]

vinegar:

janet_lee88:

Hubby used to go for exercise on Sundays...not anymore bcos he has to buy breakfast for them. I can't say anything...and since I don't have to put up with them, I don't care.

maybe i shld adopt ur mentality.Let him continue to \"serve\" his parents till his health shows red light.Then don't expect me to take care of him,ask his mum to take care of him

Fly kite...if hubby's health shows red light, it means the wife never take care.
But I will bring up the issue of him not exercising...if he doesn't buy breakfast, she will curse again...just like during CNY. Damn !!!
Imagine the mother cursing her own kid.

[vinegar]

atrecord:

If they are really very close, then it shouldn't be too difficult for your DH to have a heart-to-heart talk with his mother to tell her that due to changing times and needs,
he did....talked to her for hours.Advised her to get to know more frds n spend more times wf FIL.Obviously,she didn't listen to his advices.

she should be more understanding and will need to change her habit of calling him. He can of course try to dedicate some time to her but she must understand that while last time before had gf she can have lion's share of his time, now there is DW, kids, family, work, personal - all sorts of priorities so inevitably the time available will reduce.

since married,i've nvr be priority to my DH. He canceled our dinner to attend his parents.We used to hv meals together to celebrate my birthday or anniversary.Hv not done that for yrs.Firstly we do not hv caregiver for our kids.Secondly,he would be busy talking to his mum,even he wasn't talking wf her,once she called,i could feel he was uneasy.

Now i know why there r so many extra-marital probs.I choose to go out wf frds than wf my DH.At least, i feel ease wf them.

[vinegar]

sometimes,i feel i am like 行尸走肉 in my marriage.

[vinegar]

atrecord:

oliveoil:

I'm also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I'm not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the 'queen'. When she is in the kitchen I will 'siam' (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her...


When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless (\"bo be gao suo\" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way \"can eat, anything will do\".

And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.
If this happens to me, i'll tell her they carry ur genes

Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil 'I was tired' during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was \"你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!\". Her remark really \"piss me off\"...ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.

They'll nvr acknowledge ur efforts.To me,so long she doesn't add salt onto wounds(keep criticising),i happy liao.

I sympathise with you.

Actually it's not difficult to realise that most old people will want to impose their views on the younger ones and in the process create tension. In all likelihood as they age somemore they will find more fault with those around them. I see that happening to my grandmother, and hear the same from colleagues and friends...

I just hope that i will not end up doing the same thing when I'm old...

[oliveoil]

atrecord:

oliveoil:

I'm also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I'm not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the 'queen'. When she is in the kitchen I will 'siam' (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her...


When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless (\"bo be gao suo\" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way \"can eat, anything will do\".

And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.

Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil 'I was tired' during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was \"你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!\". Her remark really \"piss me off\"...ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.

I sympathise with you.

Actually it's not difficult to realise that most old people will want to impose their views on the younger ones and in the process create tension. In all likelihood as they age somemore they will find more fault with those around them. I see that happening to my grandmother, and hear the same from colleagues and friends...

I just hope that i will not end up doing the same thing when I'm old...

Yes, as my mil gets older, her children started to pamper her more n they give ways to her more. In return she can be pretty aggressive when she talks at times especially she want to 'win'.
I can understand how mil still shows love n demand attention frm yr sons bcos we are mother as well. But I dun buy the idea that these old folks act arrogant n use nasty words on their dil just because they are the elders. And by being not so nice to us, they still expect us to respect them.