In-law problems?
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vinegar:
If working, can tell her that his boss now not happy, told him cannot do so anymore or have to go find another job...
yes,indeed.I think he'll still pick up her call. His mother is his priority..forever...ngl2010:
Is your DH working or have his own business? If working for a company, how to answer his mother's call during a meeting? Isn't it very disruptive? -
vinegar:
Fly kite...if hubby's health shows red light, it means the wife never take care.janet_lee88:
Hubby used to go for exercise on Sundays...not anymore bcos he has to buy breakfast for them. I can't say anything...and since I don't have to put up with them, I don't care.
maybe i shld adopt ur mentality.Let him continue to \"serve\" his parents till his health shows red light.Then don't expect me to take care of him,ask his mum to take care of him
But I will bring up the issue of him not exercising...if he doesn't buy breakfast, she will curse again...just like during CNY. Damn !!!
Imagine the mother cursing her own kid. -
atrecord:
since married,i've nvr be priority to my DH. He canceled our dinner to attend his parents.We used to hv meals together to celebrate my birthday or anniversary.Hv not done that for yrs.Firstly we do not hv caregiver for our kids.Secondly,he would be busy talking to his mum,even he wasn't talking wf her,once she called,i could feel he was uneasy.
If they are really very close, then it shouldn't be too difficult for your DH to have a heart-to-heart talk with his mother to tell her that due to changing times and needs,
he did....talked to her for hours.Advised her to get to know more frds n spend more times wf FIL.Obviously,she didn't listen to his advices.
she should be more understanding and will need to change her habit of calling him. He can of course try to dedicate some time to her but she must understand that while last time before had gf she can have lion's share of his time, now there is DW, kids, family, work, personal - all sorts of priorities so inevitably the time available will reduce.
Now i know why there r so many extra-marital probs.I choose to go out wf frds than wf my DH.At least, i feel ease wf them. -
sometimes,i feel i am like 行尸走肉 in my marriage.
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atrecord:
They'll nvr acknowledge ur efforts.To me,so long she doesn't add salt onto wounds(keep criticising),i happy liao.oliveoil:
I'm also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I'm not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the 'queen'. When she is in the kitchen I will 'siam' (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her...
When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless (\"bo be gao suo\" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way \"can eat, anything will do\".
And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.
If this happens to me, i'll tell her they carry ur genes
Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil 'I was tired' during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was \"你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!\". Her remark really \"piss me off\"...ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.
I sympathise with you.
Actually it's not difficult to realise that most old people will want to impose their views on the younger ones and in the process create tension. In all likelihood as they age somemore they will find more fault with those around them. I see that happening to my grandmother, and hear the same from colleagues and friends...
I just hope that i will not end up doing the same thing when I'm old... -
atrecord:
Yes, as my mil gets older, her children started to pamper her more n they give ways to her more. In return she can be pretty aggressive when she talks at times especially she want to 'win'.
I sympathise with you.oliveoil:
I'm also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I'm not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the 'queen'. When she is in the kitchen I will 'siam' (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her...
When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless (\"bo be gao suo\" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way \"can eat, anything will do\".
And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.
Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil 'I was tired' during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was \"你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!\". Her remark really \"piss me off\"...ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.
Actually it's not difficult to realise that most old people will want to impose their views on the younger ones and in the process create tension. In all likelihood as they age somemore they will find more fault with those around them. I see that happening to my grandmother, and hear the same from colleagues and friends...
I just hope that i will not end up doing the same thing when I'm old...
I can understand how mil still shows love n demand attention frm yr sons bcos we are mother as well. But I dun buy the idea that these old folks act arrogant n use nasty words on their dil just because they are the elders. And by being not so nice to us, they still expect us to respect them. -
vinegar:
[/quote]When she want to be nasty to me, she will add 'needle into her words' or indirectly criticise u in front of others.
They'll nvr acknowledge ur efforts.To me,so long she doesn't add salt onto wounds(keep criticising),i happy liao.atrecord:
[quote=\"oliveoil\"]I'm also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I'm not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the 'queen'. When she is in the kitchen I will 'siam' (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her...
When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless (\"bo be gao suo\" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way \"can eat, anything will do\".
And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.
If this happens to me, i'll tell her they carry ur genes
Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil 'I was tired' during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was \"你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!\". Her remark really \"piss me off\"...ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.
I sympathise with you.
Actually it's not difficult to realise that most old people will want to impose their views on the younger ones and in the process create tension. In all likelihood as they age somemore they will find more fault with those around them. I see that happening to my grandmother, and hear the same from colleagues and friends...
I just hope that i will not end up doing the same thing when I'm old...
That event I mentioned above with her harsh remark, I felt tt is like add salt into my wound...unforgettable! -
oliveoil:
:hugs: 都过去了。 objectively, do u think your mil is plain nasty to you or just insensitive?I'm also staying under the same roof as my mil. And with maid all together, it is no joke. Three women deal with a kitchen is enough to create unhappiness! So when I'm not around she will walk into the kitchen to become the 'queen'. When she is in the kitchen I will 'siam' (go off). And then my poor maid will has to deal with her...
When DH is not around, she will compliant the dishes are not enough and soup is tasteless (\"bo be gao suo\" in hokkien). She will reject the soup we serve her, or sometimes walk up and go and cook another dish of her choice at dinner time. When DH is around, she will say the other way \"can eat, anything will do\".
And she ever said my kids ”没家教“ (no home education) just bcos they never acknowledge her once. Of course it was in front of me and not her son.
Mid last year, my maids went moonlighting one after after and I left with no maid for more than two months. My DS had surgery (long recovering with few weeks of MC leading to PSLE!) and my three kids were in PSLE (i have a triplet). I worked half day in the morning, rush back by noon, do all the chores, cook and attend to my kids for their PSLE preparation & exam. My mil still came and compliant about those maids that had left. I told mil 'I was tired' during these few months and suggested she stop talking abt the same issue and thinking to have her empathy. Her replied was \"你顾孩子辛苦是应该的!\". Her remark really \"piss me off\"...ever since then, I will do anything myself without her help if possible.
I always feel it this way - as dil, we should love/treat/serve them as if they are our mothers BUT cannot expect them to be as nice as our own mother. -
buds:
hey, read your post and tears came to my eyes. Won't say that I understand since i did not go thru but i know what it is like with horrible ILs and the ''my house your house\" thing. hope things are better now for you. :hugs:This thread holds many memories for me...
Both good and bad.
Bad; because this was where I store all the hurt.. the emotional roller coaster.. the pain.. the aches of having lived and beared every single wasted second of my life X ten long :censored: years.
Which was why I try not to come in here after I was determined to start anew.
Good; because here was where I found strength to carry on with the hurtful and hateful life I had succumbed myself to live in/with because of the many many many cyber friends I had here... to which many of whom I am still friends with in real life (outside forum) till today. Thanks to ALL of you, I went into battle for my \"last fight\" (for my marriage) pretty much prepared be it emotionally or physically, back then.
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=121433#p121433
I will NEVER forget ALL of you, ever. :grphug:
Tonight, I'm just kinda back here to ease the hurt I'm feeling in my heart because somehow I know it is here where my friends know me best. The friendships I forged began here...
You know who you are. All of u... -
buds:
EXACTLY :celebrate:Sorry, me got nothing nice to say about MIL or the other members of the ILs. AT ALL. :mad:
In my more than a decade of experience with the ILs, it never pays to be nice. I never went all out to make them feel at home or intentionally be a good DIL just because i feel that i had to. I am just being myself and i am nice. Too nice mebbe. So ppl take advantage. I treat them like family. They in turn treat me like their freaking doormat. The ILs emotionally abused me every other day and will splash loads of fuel if there's just a little spark with hubs. I have too much respect for the elders to ever blow my top and also because i like to think that i am raised better than stooping to their level. It is also naive to think that just because one tries or one is a nice DIL, the MIL will treat one like a daughter. That's just a load of :censored:... A son will forever be a son, whether or not they do things right. A mother will never side anyone other than her own family, especially a son!
The only time i may just go on a massive trigger-happy-shoot-off is when my mountains erupt. More than a decade of bottled-up unhappiness can make anyone's mountains go off. I sure as heck cannot promise i am nice when that happens.
But i know i won't have a single nice thing to say. AT ALL. :mad:
Sorry, when i come into this thread my mountains shake a little every time.. can't help it.
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