In-law problems?
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tree nymph:
then come the episode of caning...
tree nymph:
Tree nymph... i read this with much sadness cos i understand how youwhat kind of grandma will force the mother to use this method to extract one lousy 'ah mah'? and this grandma is an highly educated one somemore! even the old cleaning lady cleaning the toilet in my office building also understand that toddlers have their moments and that it is not fair to displicine them like that. just for one lousy 'ah mah'... this is the very first time i use cane on my little boy. and it felt like raining canes on myself...
feel. I'm sure this episode will stick on you for a loooonnng time... The
guilt is too much to bear. But with this episode alone, i believe you shud
be stronger now for your boy... now much much bigger i assume who i
silently think feels what you feel. I try to avoid heavy discipline matters
to be controlled by MIL. My usual way is just quickly pick my girls up
and walk into the room... quickly! And shut the door behind us! She will
bitch about my behaviour outside, kua kua kua kua chiao... and she'll
fade out once she is tired and gets no response. Of course, only to do
it again lah... :roll: ... sickening but what to do. I want to hold out as
much as possible to \"ren\" so since i'm only within the walls of the house
that is as best i can do.
She scolds me outwardly when i let hubs discipline the kids. She calls it
irresponsible of a mother not to protect her own children. She told me
off saying i should stop whatever i'm doing whether it's washing dishes
or cooking or whatever... just out it all down and go save my kids.
I'm like... :whut:
Save my kids? Rescue them from like what? Danger?
He's only using loud voice tactic. Yell at the kids... and likewise for when
i'm disciplining my girls, hubs doesn't interfere either. If it's a moment
where my kiddies lives are in total danger from their own daddy... yeah
i WILL be there awrite... but for peanuts, i just go blah..
Once, hubs was scolding DD2 (again voice tactic nia)... she came hurriedly
out and reprimanded him openly in front of all of us... At that moment,
in my heart i went... uh-oh... i wouldn't do that if i were her. True enuf,
he hollered, \"If you dun like what you see, go into your room! You dun
like what you hear, cover your ears... but when i'm disciplining MY daughter
please stay the hell out of my way! What're waiting for!!\"
And that was one voice tactic even i shuddered..
Since then... waaaayyy less interference.
See? When we do it nicely, politely, soft-soft dowan to accept...
I eat more salt... i eat more rice... everything more... Skali kena
holler one time, become mouse. I have never seen hubs sooo angry. :siam:
With her la i mean.. :roll:
With me, a lot of times liao.
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Wow Buds, really salute your 'ren'.... What does MILs wants to achieve when they do this to their family?
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Beats me really.. :roll:
Think she just simply detest me.
And it's not that i mistreat her or anything..
I just want her to be my mom too.
But now, all the feeling's lost la really.
I just want to get out of this house.
Just looking at her brings back all the unhappiness
of the years i had to endure her nonsensical charades
and back stabbing pain... the interference... the wanting
to break me and hubs up. Just really fed-up with all this oredi. -
My MIL ruined my wedding day.
She brushed my mum aside and ask her to leave early at dinner. She ‘butterfly’ her way throughout the day and brought along the very important China girlfriend of her elder son for serious introduction to everyone.
My mum cried, and it didn’t feel like my wedding at all.
More than a decade later, the wedding photos still never made it out of the box it came in. I have not watched the video till this day and there are no wedding pictures around the house. No one got any copies cause I didn’t even look at them. -
buds:
buds,Beats me really.. :roll:
Think she just simply detest me.
And it's not that i mistreat her or anything..
I just want her to be my mom too.
But now, all the feeling's lost la really.
I just want to get out of this house.
Just looking at her brings back all the unhappiness
of the years i had to endure her nonsensical charades
and back stabbing pain... the interference... the wanting
to break me and hubs up. Just really fed-up with all this oredi.
must shake hand with you already.. though its for this kind of wrong reasons... -
auntieM:
auntieM,My MIL ruined my wedding day.
She brushed my mum aside and ask her to leave early at dinner. She 'butterfly' her way throughout the day and brought along the very important China girlfriend of her elder son for serious introduction to everyone.
My mum cried, and it didn't feel like my wedding at all.
More than a decade later, the wedding photos still never made it out of the box it came in. I have not watched the video till this day and there are no wedding pictures around the house. No one got any copies cause I didn't even look at them.
so sorry to know that! and your mum just left early? why so ting hua? I really don't know what she wanna achieve by doing that lor. china girlfriend so good huh? so proud with future china DIL meh??
:? -
auntieM:
Wow Buds, really salute your 'ren'.... What does MILs wants to achieve when they do this to their family?
auntieM, your posts are very illuminating and humourous to boot!
Not sure about what MIL's wanting to \"achieve\" when they pick fights or basically make live difficult for DIL, but truly, it could very well stamp from their need for control. Now her little boy has grown up, chosen a bride for himself and has his own family, she's lost CONTROL over the kid.
MIL's probably also suffered under their own MIL (i.e., GMIL) so....it's pay-back time mah! :siao: For me, and my 3 gals, I told DH last night after a particularly bad in-yer-face encounter wid MIL, I'd want to gain a son - or 3, God-willing; so why would I antagonize my SIL's?
The buck stops here, as far as I am concerned! :celebrate: -
Andaiz:
Yes, very likely control issues, and controlling behaviours stem from........insecurities.
auntieM, your posts are very illuminating and humourous to boot!
Not sure about what MIL's wanting to \"achieve\" when they pick fights or basically make live difficult for DIL, but truly, it could very well stamp from their need for control. Now her little boy has grown up, chosen a bride for himself and has his own family, she's lost CONTROL over the kid.
I get the sense a lot of MILs have insecurities about their own lives, and it really transmits, particularly to the DIL who is preceived as the interloper. -
very sad isn;t it? I hope it won't become an viscous cycle, that we later on will become our MIL...
gosh, such a scary thought!!!
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3Boys:
MILs come into any familial relationship fraught with baggage (we all do, actually!
Yes, very likely control issues, and controlling behaviours stem from........insecurities.
I get the sense a lot of MILs have insecurities about their own lives, and it really transmits, particularly to the DIL who is preceived as the interloper.
) and insecurities being one of them...oh yes 3Boys, the son can do no wrong...if he'd been mama's boy before, now is the time he stands up - for himself (could have been repressed? 
) and wham! Bammmm :!: gasp, it's the DIL who's to blame.
Why do MIL of guys not have the same issue? My 2 cents?! :roll: there's only one guy and they're NOT fighting over him nor demanding his alligence lah! :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:
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