In-law problems?

[vinegar]

Jennifer:

buds:

Were you expecting a different expression instead of the eye-rolling, Jennifer?

I open mind - no expectation. He's still young, maybe still attached to me. But, of course I am secretly happy that he thinks this way. No one knows the future DIL I will get.

I am not an easy person to live with, too many hard rules in the household.

Your boy is so sweet.
To me,so long as he is happy,i am happy.I told my boy that i wanna him to be independent.i do not wanna him to turn up to be another mummy's boy.

A person who is too dependent,will face the pro to make judgement n decision,i see this trait from my DH.He has stayed wf his mum for the past 32yrs.He is very much relying to his parents,mentally,physically n financially.

It is good to hv close bond btw parents n children.But for this case,he lost his survival skills.As his wife,i find it difficult to support him.

Over-support,makes him more lazy n incapable to make decision.
Under-support,he'll run back to his mum for shelter.

His mum has also made him to be very male chauvinist.So it is not easy to influence him....he is a bit \"looks down\" at women.Once he found me msn wf my ex male colleague n he was furious.Since then, i cut off all the contacts with them.

I've strong characters.For the past few yrs,i've toned down a bit coz of my children. However,i really damn pissed off this time coz his mum seriously has turned our lives upside down.what's hurting me is he chose sacrifice us for his mum,for the sake to fulfill her attns, we've to cancel all our plans.

[Jennifer]

vinegar:

Jennifer:

[quote=\"buds\"]Were you expecting a different expression instead of the eye-rolling, Jennifer?

I open mind - no expectation. He's still young, maybe still attached to me. But, of course I am secretly happy that he thinks this way. No one knows the future DIL I will get.

I am not an easy person to live with, too many hard rules in the household.

Your boy is so sweet.
To me,so long as he is happy,i am happy.I told my boy that i wanna him to be independent.i do not wanna him to turn up to be another mummy's boy.

A person who is too dependent,will face the pro to make judgement n decision,i see this trait from my DH.He has stayed wf his mum for the past 32yrs.He is very much relying to his parents,mentally,physically n financially.

It is good to hv close bond btw parents n children.But for this case,he lost his survival skills.As his wife,i find it difficult to support him.

Over-support,makes him more lazy n incapable to make decision.
Under-support,he'll run back to his mum for shelter.

His mum has also made him to be very male chauvinist.So it is not easy to influence him....he is a bit \"looks down\" at women.Once he found me msn wf my ex male colleague n he was furious.Since then, i cut off all the contacts with them.

I've strong characters.For the past few yrs,i've toned down a bit coz of my children. However,i really damn pissed off this time coz his mum seriously has turned our lives upside down.what's hurting me is he chose sacrifice us for his mum,for the sake to fulfill her attns, we've to cancel all our plans.[/quote]I am also scared that my boys will be too dependent on me, esp my elder boy. In the process of slowly kicking him away :rotflmao:

Some pple take a longer time to grow up. Hang in there :hugs:

[vinegar]

:love: :hugs: thanks....don't know how long i can \"tong\".He is in 40s liao,nid another 10yrs to grow up??

[janet88]

we have our rules and own style of doing things...so it's not easy to stay with anyone. if and when my kids grow up and get married, i do not want to stay with them either :xedfingers: ...any conflict with son-in-law or daughter-in-law will be long-lasting.

[ngl2010]

vinegar:

Jennifer:

[quote=\"buds\"]Were you expecting a different expression instead of the eye-rolling, Jennifer?

I open mind - no expectation. He's still young, maybe still attached to me. But, of course I am secretly happy that he thinks this way. No one knows the future DIL I will get.

I am not an easy person to live with, too many hard rules in the household.

Your boy is so sweet.
To me,so long as he is happy,i am happy.I told my boy that i wanna him to be independent.i do not wanna him to turn up to be another mummy's boy.

A person who is too dependent,will face the pro to make judgement n decision,i see this trait from my DH.He has stayed wf his mum for the past 32yrs.He is very much relying to his parents,mentally,physically n financially.

It is good to hv close bond btw parents n children.But for this case,he lost his survival skills.As his wife,i find it difficult to support him.

Over-support,makes him more lazy n incapable to make decision.
Under-support,he'll run back to his mum for shelter.

His mum has also made him to be very male chauvinist.So it is not easy to influence him....he is a bit \"looks down\" at women.Once he found me msn wf my ex male colleague n he was furious.Since then, i cut off all the contacts with them.

I've strong characters.For the past few yrs,i've toned down a bit coz of my children. However,i really damn pissed off this time coz his mum seriously has turned our lives upside down.what's hurting me is he chose sacrifice us for his mum,for the sake to fulfill her attns, we've to cancel all our plans.[/quote]Have you tried to discuss with your DH about it? Just discuss it matter-of-factly. No need to be emotional. Just like when we are in the office meeting. Focus on the solution.

[vinegar]

ngl2010:

Have you tried to discuss with your DH about it? Just discuss it matter-of-factly. No need to be emotional. Just like when we are in the office meeting.

i did...but he doesn't see my views.

First,he doesn't see the need of coupletime. Secondly,he doesn't know how to be assertive n handle his mum. :imdrowning: Thirdly,my MIL is very good in manipulating him.She likes to say words which make him guilty, :?: for e.g. how long i can still talk to u,i am so old liao,can go anytime,kinda word...

[vinegar]

Seriously,i find it frustrating to handle my DH.


If i seek help from him,he’ll very frustrated. If i seek help from my frds,he’ll be jealous.

if i handle everything for him,he become so free n starts to kay poh wf his mum,rather than spending time wf the kids.

[janet88]

vinegar:

if i handle everything for him,he become so free n starts to kay poh wf his mum,rather than spending time wf the kids.

this point...i totally agree.
if hubby is very free, that free time may not be spent with the kids/wife but more time to kaypoh with his attention-seeking mum.

[sleepy]

Jennifer:

buds:

I asked cos I casually (scoff) told my girls the same thing. They are girls but also roll eyes. They know its a trap. A test. :evil: Of course, out front we declare no correct answers.. inside.. all mothers hope to hear model answers. :rotflmao:


:idea: Perhaps my girls roll their eyes because that topic was tested too many times. :rotflmao:

:rotflmao:

Mm, good idea to set traps now - training what are the model answers before they kena hantam by girlfriend(s)/boyfriend(s), wife/husband and mother-in-law or monster-in-law :rotflmao:

I'm also expecting model answers.

I told them if I like my grandchildren so much, I will 打包带走.
The expected model answer from them should be 'mummy you're living with me, so no need to 打包 my baby home' :rotflmao:

[sleepy]

vinegar:

my MIL likes to call my DH just to tell him what she did last wkend,where she went,which doctor she visited,what she did...etc...

It's alright, that's normal conversation topics. I think my MIL called dh & talked similar content too. 不然要聊什么？