In-law problems?
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jawcee74:
Heyya jawcee74,Hi Buds,
After reading so much about the \"drama\" issues that happen to you. I always believe very strongly that we cannot be like any of our PIL when we ourselves becomes PIL.
Yep! Touch wood!
We know how hard it is to get some respect (and some face oso lah)
with our own PIL. We struggle to make our presence known as PARENTS
of our own children, determining how we want our children to be raised,
disciplined and loved.. All amongst us who have suffered under the IRON
FIST, should NEVER turn out to be EXACTLY like the *monster-in-laws
when our time comes. (*quoting the Jennifer Lopez movie - watch the hilarious drama if you haven't) :lol:
Best is, ask our children to prepare to move out if want to get
married. Heheeee..
jawcee74:
Mine does. But under false pretense. Esp if in front of hubs.Always welcome our kids and their families with \"open\" heart and a very understanding position to understand them better. :celebrate:
That started the stress. Welcome... welcome... then, hubs go
toilet only, i kena like anything. I always had to come with
bullet proof vest, ya know! Hahaa! Or else die liao. :lol:
We didnt start out staying with them right away aft marriage... (FYI)
So, during the oh-so-regular-compulsory-visits, i
i will not have to live with them. It didn't come true lah. The decision
was partially cause i pity my hubs. Too long story to input. So put it
at that only..jawcee74:
I know how you feel, in fact i can feel your hurt from that paragraphLike yesterday nite was out having dinner with my PIL and MY BIL's Family. In the car my FIL was complaining WHY my son keep asking the same questions over & over again & my FIL gets so irritable abt it. Well I was definitely like this :x and shown my displeasure towards my hubby when the whole dinner things was over. To me kids are kids, they tends to very cusious & ask anything that they want to know.
alone. Poor you. My heart goes out to you..jawcee74:
Mine does INFRONT of me cursing and the intentional behind-me-but-i-And worst was stopping my son to do some funny things over dinner table, my MIL start telling my hubby abt me... I totally wanna to scream at my MIL for being total \"KPO\" and always poking into the other people affair when come to disciple our children.
still-can-hear BACK WAY... Amazing how she doesn't feel any guilt but
instead outright pleasure. I can retaliate if i wanted to, but bearing in mind
the lessons i learnt growing up respect elders... respect elders... respect
elders.... somehow restrained me. I will not have them get the pleasure of
quoting me as ill-bred. Cos then that wud involve the reputation of my
parents, which will hurt me incredibly more... Hu-xi 1 million times until
hyper-ventilated and ren... with god's help of course.jawcee74:
I got siao oso lah for sure.. but dun show... ultra cool facade... relax...But I would say that you are super cool lor... for enduring all these years. If I am you I will properly go :siao:
like the bullet didn't go thru like dat lor.. hehehee.. No joke ok, when
started to live together mine was a daily continuous doses of sacrcasm,
family politics ( oh yes it exists! ) and pure suffering.
Simple things lilke coffee oso pose issues. Example.
Hubs : Make coffee for me dear.
Me : Ok, sweetie.
MIL : (In the kitchen) Why are you in here?
Me : Hubs ask me make coffee.
MIL : How many times have i told you not to bother..
I've made coffee for my son over twenty years.. I know
best how he likes it. So, ..... (her eyes say, SCRAM!) I
make a pot coffee each time of the 3-meal times of the day,
for my family (READ - MY FAMILY ), so dun trouble yourself.
Me : :siam: ( In my mind, hurray... no need to make... )
Hubs : Where's my coffee?
Me : Mum say i dun need to make, she make whole pot for whole fam..
Hubs : I want YOU to make mine! Go now..
Me : Ok. (Go into kitchen again, shivering liao this time...)
MIL : What are you doing here again? Didn't you get what i said?
Before i cud muster enuf courage to reply that in the most diplomatic
way i couldn't think of, hubs shouted from in front the TV in living room.
Hubs : Mum, I asked her to do it. Once in a while order my wife ok what.
Now let her do it, i want her to practise... to perfection.. You just go head
make for yours and the rest. Thaaanks!
MIL : HERE!!! Suit yourself! ( And stormed out of the kitchen )
:!:
What did i do? :roll:jawcee74:
Yeeeaaah! I'm da woman awrite!I have to :udawoman: to you... super mummy! LOL
Nowadays, she's more than happy when i do it and serve it to her.
Patience is a virtue.
:celebrate: -
sashimi:
Hahaha... I have been quietly browsing this thread and you certainly caught me with your weird insane idea LOL ... Actually not so insane except that you would be planning way way ahead for your DD... So next time when your DD starts dating :please:, one of the items in your checklist would include 1) Are the boy's parent/s registered members of KSP and if so, what are the nics... So that you can do your due diligence and identify what your DD's potential PILs are like
I suddenly have this very very very weird insane idea that I should filter out those of you here on KSP who are nice + with nice boys, and see if I can matchmake my DD to your boy. This way at least we are more likely to end up happily matched, ILs and all. . . . :idea: Some of the behaviour of parents I've seen in public really scare me (the parents' behaviour, not the kids).
The analysis of my situation in relation to this topic. I am currently staying with my MIL, it was kinda expected as it was a pre-nup agreement keke kidding. The plan was to stay on our own when we got married and only consider moving to stay with my MIL after our little one pops out.
My FIL passed away before our marriage and my wife is my MIL's only child. As my MIL was still healthy and active then, it was possible for her to manage staying alone for a short while but probably not for the long term due to age catching up with her and oh well everyone of us as well.
Our son was conceived almost a year after we got married, so by the time we sold our place and moved in with my MIL, we had a good 2 years of having our own space and pte time :celebrate:
No complaints with staying with my MIL, except that mother and daughter can sometimes be mean with each other by provoking and antagonising the other and I do get caught in between at times, but they do sort it out themselves most of the time without my intervention
The topics that I talk with my MIL are limited to issues relating to my son, household matters and of cos help with her computer problems. As with most older folks, they tend to :rant: which can get on my nerves at times but other than that, our relationship is cordial.
But I must add that our arrangement is perfect as I have no complaints with staying with my MIL. Her tag line to us is \"this is your son so you better let me know what you want me to do\", so she is cooperative in this respect. To give credit to my MIL, she certainly is a great help for us in helping out with issues relating to our son:
1. taking care of his meals
2. taking bus to his school on weekdays and then taking cab home or dropping my son at my mum's place (once a week). It's better for her now that we arranged for a school bus to bring our son home, so she only needs to go downstairs to pick him up
3. making sure my son takes his medicine on days he is sick and we're at work,
4. a great reprive for us in that we do not need to worry even if we are caught up in office
From my wife's perspective, she would not have any complaints with my mum. I'm the youngest of many many children by current standards and even during my parents generation, so my mum pretty much had her way and seen it all when she went through the weddings of my brothers and sisters. So when it came to my turn, she just said, do it anyway you want So we got away with just a tea reception and no wedding dinner to fuss about
My mum speaks only hokkien and teochew and very little mandarin. My wife's dialect is cantonese... So their conversation to date is very limited with my wife saying ๆฉ... ๆฏ...ไธๆฏ... ๅฆ... :faint:
No complaints from my mum to me regarding my wife. Only thing she nagged to me abt is how she wished I could bring my son up more often... As I also want my son to be close to my family, he gets to go up to his granny's at least once a week on weekdays and occasionally on some Saturdays as well. My mum has a maid and stays with a brother and sister who are not married, so she is more than happy to be able to fuss over my son as her other grandchildren are all in their teens and a few who have married and have kids themselves. Most times I just drop my son at his granny's and picks him up much later, cos whether I am there or not makes no difference as long as my son is there :roll: as my mum had enough of fussing over me by now. Anyway with a second in tow soon, I keep receiving calls from my mum to go over to pick up either liver braised with vinegar or other nourishing stuff for my wife.
I was very surprised to read some of the feedbacks on in-laws and didn't know that it can be that bad. I guess ๅฎถๆไธ่ๅฆๆไธๅฎ does apply for me, as we do benefit from having our parent's generation help out in tending to our younger generation... This is something that I appreciate and not take for granted
P.S. Sashimi... Let me know if you need some background on my wife and I as potential in-laws... For one, we are easy going people kekeke
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winth:
Hahaha having KSP membership has it's privileges? LOLGood Idea!!! :idea:
Maybe we can start a matchmaking agency or something only open to KSP forummers.
Plus all the chinese horoscope matching from the other chat.
hehe... ... Just like if you go to a certain \"atas\" school then you are classified to be of a certain \"bred\"?
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Soโฆ
What kinda breed do KiasuParents qualify under, braderโฆ
By the way, you all side-track liao. Later kena attack i dunno, aahโฆ -
buds:
Sista... KSP parents are the type who are concerned, discerning, understanding and able to let go type of parents lorSo...
What kinda breed do KiasuParents qualify under, brader..
By the way, you all side-track liao. Later kena attack i dunno, aah..
I posted one long thread on related topic mah... Certainly that is able to cover up for the few sentences of side-tracked topic rite? :?
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ZacK:
But I must add that our arrangement is perfect as I have no complaints with staying with my MIL. Her tag line to us is \"this is your son so you better let me know what you want me to do\", so she is cooperative in this respect.
Niiiiice!
You GO gramma! :salute: -
ZacK:
The matchmaking was side-tracked but i liked it anyways, coming from
Sista... KSP parents are the type who are concerned, discerning, understanding and able to let go type of parents lorbuds:
So...
What kinda breed do KiasuParents qualify under, brader..
By the way, you all side-track liao. Later kena attack i dunno, aah..
I posted one long thread on related topic mah... Certainly that is able to cover up for the few sentences of side-tracked topic rite? :?
our two favourite daddies here. Your contributions are highly valued...
For they're discerning, caring, and understanding... op... op... op... lemme
include - dip-lo-ma-tic!
Aawrite ah! Side-tracking shud be approved by the higher council..
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Hi Buds, after reading some much abt the daily drama w/ur MIL, I think my is nothing compare to yours lah. We just gonna to work hard to be wearing all type of bullet proof vests throughout the years that they are around.
Talking abt this, there was time where my MIL said abt her passing on, and she started saying that \"oh, when I pass on, ur hubby, my son will know where & how my funeral will be handle and so on and so fro\"
I been very told her off saying that IS MY HUBBY, YOUR SON, the ONLY son in your family... come on \"wake up\" you still have 2 elder sons that can take care of this.... gosh I feel like this lor :stupid:
Stupid old lady, always want this and that and worst huh... she actually told us to change a new car as my daughter just casually said \"oh Ah Ma, Daddy is going to change a new car\"... MIL started telling me by saying it will be good to have a bigger car so can ferry 2 MORE PEOPLE (PILs).
Well I told her, your 2 ELDER sons have big cars (BMW & HONDA Stream) and Why arent they ferrying u these 2 OLD FOLKS??????? :x
Sometime with all these unforsee comments from her, I just feel like \"flushing\" her down any toilet bowl......
I always for good times with my little family without having any of these type of \"family politics\" (i have to agree w/u)/
Hmm, I will just do my part as a OK DIL w/o having to go into this mood :x (always arming with weapons to prevent injuries)....
LOL :goodpost: -
jawcee74:
Hi Buds, after reading some much abt the daily drama w/ur MIL, I think my is nothing compare to yours lah. We just gonna to work hard to be wearing all type of bullet proof vests throughout the years that they are around.
Yes... yes... jawcee74, have it all times even when going to work.
It helps the same way with monster bosses too! So, never leave
home without it! (bullet proff vests) :lol: :lol: :lol:jawcee74:
Yeah, i know watcha ya mean... Pray until hoarse but i supposeI always
for good times with my little family without having any of these type of \"family politics\" (i have to agree w/u).
depending on our sincerity to make things better, will then God
approve the prayers, heheehee.. We shud pray for every-
thing good... but if we pray with even a wee bit of ill intention, i
suppose God can still hear that tiny voice in the corner of our hearts,
that may lurk of evil-ness. Heh-heh-heh.. (witchy voice)
Family politics for me was a dirty game of mastermind. The mastermind
you know who lah huh, no need to say liao. Thy can navigate simple
conversations to lead one to believe that hey i know SIL's been telling
on you... complaining abt you... how she dislikes you... etc. But.... thy
does not know that me and SIL have gone into alliance to battle the
survival of the fittest on our never ending survivor challenges with thou.
So, the joke's on her... the plans backfire... and she wud still not come
out the good guy nor a winner... (that she thrives to be, in all aspects of
our lives). I dun mind if she oredi hates me (for dunno what) but coercing
another family member, family friend, relatives, cousins to do the same to
me is unfair and unethical. So, in time everyone just knew... and they
give me pats on my back, silent shoulder squeezes that to me is worth
more than a hundred words... cos i know they too, have understood.
Cos you see... i try never to say anything back. I'm afraid if i start,
anything i say and everything i say will not come out good and i dun
want to be like that cos i'm not like that. I shud have more self-control
to not keep shooting and shooting, as then it means i'm no better than'
the mastermind.
Thats enuf for me. I'm contented.jawcee74:
I understand those \"moods\" you mentioned.Hmm, I will just do my part as a OK DIL w/o having to go into this mood. :x (always arming with weapons to prevent injuries)....
Cos we kena so many times, we're always on a defensive.
Dun want to let our guard down... Words can kill, we all know
that... but sometimes silence is the silent killer... Hehee..
Stay positive. A positive mummy, will give positive vibes to baby/children
and hubby. You focus on being happy with yourself around that little
family of yours. When you're ever unhappy and need to load off,
welcome to come here anytime and rant away.
Hang in there...
My thoughts are with you..
Happy thoughts, ya! -
I think itโs not easy to stay with in law under the same roof.
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