In-law problems?

[pea]

Dear buds, hope things will turn out okay for you.


If you are thinking of moving away from your in-laws (sorry, is that what you're trying to do? I don't have time to scroll through all the posts to get the full gist :oops: ), let me tell you that when I did that, the relationship with my in-laws actually improved! :lol:

But be prepared to put up with less help, eg babysitting. Especially if a third tiny dear comes along... you never know. Mine cited distance as an excuse, so I looked after my kid all by myself.

But for me, it's ok in the end, because less interaction and less dependency on each other means less friction, and so our relationship has remained cool but cordial.

Take care. :celebrate:

[buds]

pea:

Dear buds, hope things will turn out okay for you.

Thanks pea. Sweet of you to drop this note.

pea:

If you are thinking of moving away from your in-laws (sorry, is that what you're trying to do? I don't have time to scroll through all the posts to get the full gist :oops: ), let me tell you that when I did that, the relationship with my in-laws actually improved! :lol:

Wuah, dis i reali cannot sum up for you. It's just too much. IL problem
slowly and eventually became a marital problem and i'm giving hubs a
chance to get us out of this rut by allowing us to start afresh. Frankly,
i dun care anymore what kind of relationship i have with my ILs animore
especially MIL, cos she has been very very very mean to me to my face
and what more behind my back. It is hard for me to look up to an elder
who tries all ways and means to carry tales (untruths) to make a couple
come into arguments... to create a rift between husband and wife.

So to answer your question, what i am really trying to do, is salvage what
is left of my sanity and patience to keep my marriage together... provided
that is what hubs want for himself too. I am just beyond exhausted with
all the endless and nonsensical charades and problems already... To date
i have been the dutiful and loyal wife... have tried my darnest best to be
a respectful DIL... have done all i can to be an understanding SIL to my
BILs and SIL. So, ya lah.. am just exhausted. Family politics can be so
screwed up. At least if in office/workplace one can quit.. i cannot quit
this one... at least not without putting up a fair challenge, to better
shape the future for myself and children.

pea:

But be prepared to put up with less help, eg babysitting. Especially if a third tiny dear comes along... you never know. Mine cited distance as an excuse, so I looked after my kid all by myself.

Babysit? I cannot bear thinking of leaving my kiddies in their hands. Never.
I quit my job cos 2nd one came along and i was down with a reliable
helper, my mum. And no two ways about it, i resigned from my job when
i was at the peak of my career until today. In my case, that was the BEST
decision. Especially for my children.. it was a difficult decision to make but
it's definitely worth it when i think of it now. Knowng how tight (close) my
girls and i are right now, no regrets.

pea:

But for me, it's ok in the end, because less interaction and less dependency on each other means less friction, and so our relationship has remained cool but cordial.

I've NEVER depended ANYTHING on my ILs. The only thing i depend on
is that they WILL turn up when the 1st appt day arrives. They have not
supported the idea of moving out. Still wanting to stay together. Well, at
least FIL is open but he wants $... MIL has been darn outright not keen..
They've done nothing to help spruce up or clean up the house for that
matter when we bring ppl in for viewing. My girls, hubs and i were left
to scrub floors shiny clean, clear unwanted stuff, make the rooms nice
and bright so potential clients have a nice feel entering the house. I
have been having weeks of continuous backache working the floors
amongst others even on period days which makes it worse. My girls
felt so bad for me, they pitched in to help.

So now, without a successful sale of this current hole, there is no way
i can get out of this house. Wish me luck... i reali need that. :xedfingers:

pea:

Take care. :celebrate:

I will, pea. Thank you for dropping by with your concern.
I appreciate it very much. :hugs:

[buds]

pea:

Especially if a third tiny dear comes along... you never know.

:faint:

[Busymom]

buds:

So to answer your question, what i am really trying to do, is salvage what
is left of my sanity and patience to keep my marriage together... provided
that is what hubs want for himself too. I am just beyond exhausted with
all the endless and nonsensical charades and problems already... To date
i have been the dutiful and loyal wife... have tried my darnest best to be
a respectful DIL... have done all i can to be an understanding SIL to my
BILs and SIL. So, ya lah.. am just exhausted. Family politics can be so
screwed up. At least if in office/workplace one can quit.. i cannot quit
this one... at least not without putting up a fair challenge, to better
shape the future for myself and children.

:ugogirl:

buds:

My girls felt so bad for me, they pitched in to help.

They are such sweet darlings. :love: :love:

buds:

So now, without a successful sale of this current hole, there is no way
i can get out of this house. Wish me luck... i reali need that. :xedfingers:

Wish you aplenty of luck and you will soon find that new place and also sell the present one at a good price. :xedfingers:

[foreverj]

buds:

I've NEVER depended ANYTHING on my ILs. The only thing i depend on
is that they WILL turn up when the 1st appt day arrives. They have not
supported the idea of moving out. Still wanting to stay together. Well, at
least FIL is open but he wants $... MIL has been darn outright not keen..
They've done nothing to help spruce up or clean up the house for that
matter when we bring ppl in for viewing. My girls, hubs and i were left
to scrub floors shiny clean, clear unwanted stuff, make the rooms nice
and bright so potential clients have a nice feel entering the house. I
have been having weeks of continuous backache working the floors
amongst others even on period days which makes it worse. My girls
felt so bad for me, they pitched in to help.

So now, without a successful sale of this current hole, there is no way
i can get out of this house. Wish me luck... i reali need that. :xedfingers:

hi buds
u mean u r selling the current place? wat abt the in-laws? where r they gg to stay? dun tell me move in with u? :!: cannot be right, then wats the point?

btw dear, left a note earlier for u but think u didn't catch it. just wanted to let u know i'm ing for u fren :love: pray u'll be able to live the life that u n the girls deserve very soon

[radiantmum]

buds, JIAYOU and GOOD LUCK!

[girlmum]

Dearie buds,


Though I don't log in everyday but i read the posts dutifully. My heart ache for u & ur girls. Hang in there, dear. Ming tian hui gen hao. Yi ding hui. Take care & stay positive.

p/s : u r definitely not too old in the pre-school industry. I know it cos I am already 40+ (cough **) :oops: and still jumping & staying alive in this field.

[buds]

Busymom:

Yhey are such sweet darlings. :love: :love:

Yes, they can be such sweet darlings when i least expect of them.
Especially for DD2... her understanding on adult matters overwhelm me.
Guess though we didn't plan for her to pop into this world, God had other
plans for me. God must've placed her with me as my guiding star... :please:

Busymom:

Wish you aplenty of luck and you will soon find that new place and also sell the present one at a good price. :xedfingers:

Thank you.. thank you.. :xedfingers:

[buds]

foreverj:

hi buds, u mean u r selling the current place?

Hubs is in the midst of it.

foreverj:

wat abt the in-laws?

They've been given suggestions for the many options.
Guess what? They wanna hear nothing of the suggestions. Sigh.

foreverj:

where r they gg to stay?

Well, BIL is not helping to offer anything so far... knowing that the
place is up for sale. PILs... sigh... i guess are just too proud to ask.
So frankly, i dunno for sure at this point. They've decided to get their
own place but i foresee it may not be so easy.

foreverj:

dun tell me move in with u? :!:

Yah leh.. dun tell me! :!:

foreverj:

cannot be right, then wats the point?

Yep, you're right. There's reali no point if that DOES reali happen.
There is no guarantee that won't happen. They may say they want
a place to crash while settling theirs and then may eventually become
forever. Sigh. Niwae, this is where hubs decisiveness gotta prove itself
again lor. Reali dunno what the odds are now.

foreverj:

btw dear, left a note earlier for u but think u didn't catch it. just wanted to let u know i'm ing for u fren :love: pray u'll be able to live the life that u n the girls deserve very soon

I did receive your note. I was pretty depressed then.

Reading your note provided me a lotta solace till i teared, i haven't gotten
straight into replying to it yet. Thank you for understanding my situation
so well. You were the 1st one to come offer your shoulder and your ear
when you caught on i was feeling down... cos i do write in circles sometimes..

We go a long way oredi foreverj... we've been starting out in this forum
together... like childhood friends growing up together... :hugs: I hope
the tsunami will be over very very soon. :xedfingers: Thank you my friend.

[Andaiz]

foreverj:

dun tell me move in with u? :!:

buds:

Yah leh.. dun tell me! :!:

foreverj:

cannot be right, then wats the point?

Yep, you're right. There's reali no point if that DOES reali happen.
There is no guarantee that won't happen. They may say they want
a place to crash while settling theirs and then may eventually become
forever. Sigh. Niwae, this is where hubs decisiveness gotta prove itself
again lor. Reali dunno what the odds are now.

buds, this time around, please MAKE sure that you're included in co-tenancy. I.e., property in yours and DH's name. Not that we are teaching you bad or what ....part of the problem at the current place is because IL's have a stake in it right??!

buds:

I hope the tsunami will be over very very soon. :xedfingers: Thank you my friend.

buds, I'm -ing that it isn't just the tsunami that is over but all the undercurrents and ripple effect (and ba;ck-lash) etc etc etc would all be over!