Is it too much?
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snowman.697:
Its ok snowman - you are entitled to.
Feeling a bit light-headed at the moment..
Every 13 year old feels martyred when subject to rules , lol!
Firstly I understand how much this means to you, but I emphathise with ur parents too ...snowman.697:
'You are a pretty mature boy , and that logic seems sound. Mingd you i said \"seems\" But its not . You see rights come with responsibilities...
But its my choice as to whether or not i exceed, am i not wrong to say that? My parents give me pocket money and it is the choice as to how i spend the money. They cannot say that it is their money since they earnt it because if that were to be the case, then their laptop is HP's because HP made it, their TV is Samsung's because they manufactured it, their car is Toyota's because Toyota built it, etc...
U see we parents have some rules in very fine print in our head when we give out the rights and often we dont spell it out.
we just assume the kids will listen to us and do the right thing.
Paying for it when you exceeed your limit is not the point. Some level of austerity is necessary - believe me its not about the sms its about your attitude.
And I know - got a 13 yr old smart alec at home.
Its not easy to look from another's prespectve when you feel you have been wronged.
A case in point - My seven yr old declared he will buy an Ipad with his bank acct money when I restricted his time with the Ipad.
I just said of course he can buy his own by the time resctrictions still apply. Your Ipad doesnt mean you can use it anywhere anytime.
My advise to you , cool down . that is easy for u - u are the Snow man
Listen to your father and follow his ruling for 2 months ( i know that is an eternity)
Then approach him with a with your solution.
I am not saying things will work out after 2 months, or that what you are saying is something I would accept or not.
I just sayin that while you have your arguments in place, you have to get the right attitude and your father's' POV ,
Once you look at it with a cool head and with experience, you will behave more like an adult. Or atleast like how an adult is supposed to behave. -
snowman.697:
:rotflmao:
I know it may seem unfair...my parents used to ban me from using the phone (in the pre-internet and pre-mobile phone days this was the equivalent to a death sentence).
I dont understand... in the pre mobile and pre -internet days, how can your parents ban you from using the phone? Unless u r talking about landlines of course
Of course I was talking about landlines! They do still exist right? Now I feel like a right old dinosaur!
snowman.697:
Well, my parents set some rules about phone usage, but I didn't comply, so the consequence was no phone usage. During the ban, I learnt how to live without talking on the phone while watching TV, while doing homework etc. etc. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on why my parents did what they did.But now I know they were teaching me an important lesson about discipline and accountability.
Accountability or discipline is not taught by banning things. In fact, it doesnt teach you anything at at all, as when you have the ban lifted, you dont have any idea of how to use it properly. You just know that it is wrong. You dont know why. So ifyou cdont know why its wrong, why must you not do it. Maybe I read your sentence wrongly, I dont know. Feeling a bit light-headed at the moment...
Anyway thanks again for your opinions
Anyway, it's often frustrating when interacting with parents. I had my share of fights with them. And so would your dad. The content may have been different 30, 40 years ago, but the emotions and frustrations are the same. now as a parent, I am better able to understand where they were coming from. I hope you'll be able to negotiate a mutually satisfactory settlement with you Dad. As you go about it, bear in mind that parents love their children more than you can imagine, and they only want the best for their children (why do you think sites like these thrive). However, what you think is best for you, may not be what they think is best. Ultimately, they have to lay down the law. Why? Because you are their responsibility. it's their job to make sure you grow up into a fine young man. let the knowledge of this inform your attitude and actions, and I think things may begin to get better.
All the best!
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snowman, just 2 things for you to mull over:
1. one day you will be dad and you have yr own little snowman.
2. sms is disruptive technology, just like email. -
I'm gonna follow this thread and learn.
Snowman, sorry for saying this, but I am gonna start getting worried if my DS starts to think this way. How should I handle him?? I'm sure there are a lot of experienced parents here who would be able to offer you good advice and suggestions on how to approach this matter with your dad for a win-win solution.
Just remember, your dad loves you and trying to do what he believes is good for you. You may not understand & will try to rebel now.....but someday when you look back, you may come to discover & appreciate how right your dad might have been -
Sun_2010: I disagree. As the legal owner of a product, I believe we have the rights to freely use it as long as it is not against any laws of the country.
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cwc- I do not understand your first paragraph. What are you implying? That my thinking is not correct? Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, so how can thoughts be wrong or correct? But then again I I’ll respect your response because that is your thought and I respect others’ thoughts unless they are seriously illogical. Also I encourage you to follow this thread, it’ll obviously be good for both you an your son cos you can see things from another perspective
ksi- why would sending 200 more messages be sp serious that it can constitute confiscation of the handphone? And if SMSes are disruptive technology as you mentioned, how come we are using it? You may say use in moderation, and that is what I am doing. 700 messages a month is enough for me. It’s obviously not enough for my friends, but it’s enough for me and I will stick to that number so I wish that my dad respects my decision, because everyone’s perspective of "moderation" is different. -
snowman.697:
cwc- I do not understand your first paragraph. What are you implying? That my thinking is not correct? Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, so how can thoughts be wrong or correct? But then again I I'll respect your response because that is your thought and I respect others' thoughts unless they are seriously illogical. Also I encourage you to follow this thread, it'll obviously be good for both you an your son cos you can see things from another perspective
Yes, everyone is entitled to their own thoughts.....it's hard to pinpoint who's right who's wrong. But normally there are certain baseline to adhere to and in this case, I think your dad's baseline is 500. While you are asking your dad to respect your decision, I'm sure he is hoping for the same too.
As a mother myself, sometimes I really wish I can take the easy way out and just simply say yes to my children's request.......skip the fight, no arguments, kids happy and will think I'm the BEST mom in the world etc etc. But is that the right thing to do?
Look at it in another way, I do agree that sending 700 SMS is actually no big deal. But SMS is normally a 2-way communication. While you send those 700, you are reading & waiting for an equal number or more responses to the SMS that you sent out. And in between those times, are you able to concentrate on what's on hand?
Guess, there is no end to such things......every family will need to set their own rules and boundaries, hope you are able to work out something with your dad eventually. -
snowman.697:
Sm, cos of the sms cult., I wrt in brf 2 u.
ksi- why would sending 200 more messages be sp serious that it can constitute confiscation of the handphone? And if SMSes are disruptive technology as you mentioned, how come we are using it? You may say use in moderation, and that is what I am doing. 700 messages a month is enough for me. It's obviously not enough for my friends, but it's enough for me and I will stick to that number so I wish that my dad respects my decision, because everyone's perspective of \"moderation\" is different.
Grted, u may hv a pt. y don u run thru yr sms to c how many r impt to jfy the 700? -
[quote=\"ksi
Sm, cos of the sms cult., I wrt in brf 2 u.
Grted, u may hv a pt. y don u run thru yr sms to c how many r impt to jfy the 700?[/quote]
what in the world is that? :? send that to me and i will :faint: -
It’s an issue of control. Happens to everyone. Your dad is losing control of you because his son is growing up and taking control of his own life. It’s a difficult time for everyone (you and him). It may help to know that parents fear letting go of their children because we never really know if we have done a good job of teaching them values and beliefs.
Your dad thinks you should be thrifty and self-controlled. The number of sms-es is immaterial because at the root of all this, your Dad fears for you. He fears that you are pulling away from him into a void where you will betray the values he holds dear. Ironically, you will probably get him to let go more successfully if you find ways to respond to his fears.
Yes… parents fear too. We are always afraid for our children. And we are afraid that we have not been good parents. And we are afraid that we have not done enough. Worse still, we may sometimes fear to see our own only too human faults surface in you.
Take some time to strategise how you can show your Dad that you are self-controlled and thrifty. Make it a point to show him how you use your sms-es. Show him that you refuse to respond to many sms-es so as to stay within the budget. He may then realise that you need that unlimited plan. That was what my daughter did to me. She included me in her life and showed me how she managed it and I began to understand that she really needed all those sms-es because of CCA co-ordination requirements etc…
Don’t get caught in a discussion about numbers - 500, 700, 1000. What is the right number? No one can tell. Who cares anyway? Sometimes, in life, there is no need to be right… just the need to understand and be understood.
The bridging skills you develop in the crucible of your relationship with your dad will stand you in good stead when you enter the workforce. It is not that different a relationship between boss and subordinate. The subordinate who knows how to manage the fears and insecurities of the boss becomes a trusted right hand man, and will be first in line for promotions and bonuses.
A skill worth honing.
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