Different religion
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qizai:
And what should a parent do if the son in scenario B decides to still decides to go ahead and get mixed up? Stay mum and allow him to continue 'airing' emotional air, or set the boundaries and expectations?
Situation 2
Son : Mum, I want to go to the disco on Friday night, with my friends.
Mum : You're interested to go to the disco, because your friends are going?
Son : Yeah, most of the guys in my class hanged out there at least once before. I felt like a noob when they talked about it, and I don't want to be left out.
Mum : I can understand that you don't want to feel left out. Nobody likes to feel left out.
Son : Yeah..
Mum : I'm sure you know about my reservations.
Son : Yeah, I know you feel its unwise to hang out there, because you think there're unsavory people there.
Mum : Yeah, if you go. I will be naturally concerned.
Son : Actually, I don't really want to visit that disco, I don't like dance music anyway, but I just want to see what it's like.
Mum : Sure, I trust that you know my reservations, and I don't want to sound like a nag but you must be careful. Don't have any dealings with unruly people.
Son : (feeling a lot better that he's been given the approval) You know what, mum. My friends think I'll never get your approval, but now I have. I'll tell them that. And anyway, now that you've said okay, I'll see if I want to join them this Friday at all.
All teenagers, and even adults, want is to be genuinely listened to, and not talked over.
Just sharing. Thanks. -
Hi insider,
Thanks for sharing.
Initially I have the same reaction that "give you an inch, you take a foot"… But what you shared later was really reasonable. I hope I will handle this situation sensitively when my turn comes. -
insider:
Great post - that is the way my mom raised my family.... we had the scope to develop and learn. That 'have fun' message validates his respect for your trust in him...qizai:
Son : Mum, I want to go to the disco on Friday night, with my friends.
Something similar happened to me just this new year eve.
Two days ago was the first new year eve that my two eldest kids were not with me with 18 years old daughter in Japan and 16 years old son in Suntec doing countdown with friends. I only had my 7 years old and hubby to have a quiet dinner in a steak house in Orchard.
I was waiting for my son to return home after 12 am.
Instead, I received an sms from him,
\"Mum, may I stay in xxx's house for tonight please?\"
My first thought was not to agree as I had already granted him permission to go for late night countdown and it seemed he 'took an inch and still wanted a foot'.
I switched my thought coz I remembered I was ever young before and probably my countdown at 16 years old was also done at a girlfriend's house. The joy of being young, being carefree, being full of laughter and fun. To reply with a 'Please come back.' would definitely make him come home but after he was home, so what? Will it make him happy or make me pleased?
I returned his sms with,
'Have fun!'
I cut all my naggings of 'Be careful\", \"etc\"... (not that he doesn't know about people may get hack outside if one accidentally throws a stare. Probably he knows in more details than me.)
I always remind myself to have faith and trust in my these two teenage kids and try to give 'string-free' and 'nag-free' consent as much as I can. I think I raise them well this far in terms of their character development and so this faith actually is on my own parenting skills and guidance through their growing up years. Meaning, it is not so much of I trust them but rather I trust myself.
He came back at about 8 am the next morning.
He told me he knows now the festive period is over and he will observe his curfew of 10 pm again... -
insider:
Gosh, insider, i don't know if i can be as brave as you. I may say \"have fun\" but it will probably be followed by \"make sure you don't do this or that.......\" and i most likely won't sleep the whole night!qizai:
Son : Mum, I want to go to the disco on Friday night, with my friends.
You did good.
Something similar happened to me just this new year eve.
Two days ago was the first new year eve that my two eldest kids were not with me with 18 years old daughter in Japan and 16 years old son in Suntec doing countdown with friends. I only had my 7 years old and hubby to have a quiet dinner in a steak house in Orchard.
I was waiting for my son to return home after 12 am.
Instead, I received an sms from him,
\"Mum, may I stay in xxx's house for tonight please?\"
My first thought was not to agree as I had already granted him permission to go for late night countdown and it seemed he 'took an inch and still wanted a foot'.
I switched my thought coz I remembered I was ever young before and probably my countdown at 16 years old was also done at a girlfriend's house. The joy of being young, being carefree, being full of laughter and fun. To reply with a 'Please come back.' would definitely make him come home but after he was home, so what? Will it make him happy or make me pleased?
I returned his sms with,
'Have fun!'
I cut all my naggings of 'Be careful\", \"etc\"... (not that he doesn't know about people may get hack outside if one accidentally throws a stare. Probably he knows in more details than me.)
I always remind myself to have faith and trust in my these two teenage kids and try to give 'string-free' and 'nag-free' consent as much as I can. I think I raise them well this far in terms of their character development and so this faith actually is on my own parenting skills and guidance through their growing up years. Meaning, it is not so much of I trust them but rather I trust myself.
He came back at about 8 am the next morning.
He told me he knows now the festive period is over and he will observe his curfew of 10 pm again... -
Sorry, still don’t know how to do the quoting thing.
-
Gosh, insider, i don’t know if i can be as brave as you. I may say "have fun" but it will probably be followed by "make sure you don’t do this or that…" and i most likely won’t sleep the whole night!
You did good. -
3Boys:
I think the key is to allow him to air his feelings, and to acknowledge and respect those feelings. Only when he feels truly understood and listened to, will he readily accept those boundaries and expectations from the parent.
And what should a parent do if the son in scenario B decides to still decides to go ahead and get mixed up? Stay mum and allow him to continue 'airing' emotional air, or set the boundaries and expectations?qizai:
Situation 2
Son : Mum, I want to go to the disco on Friday night, with my friends.
Mum : You're interested to go to the disco, because your friends are going?
Son : Yeah, most of the guys in my class hanged out there at least once before. I felt like a noob when they talked about it, and I don't want to be left out.
Mum : I can understand that you don't want to feel left out. Nobody likes to feel left out.
Son : Yeah..
Mum : I'm sure you know about my reservations.
Son : Yeah, I know you feel its unwise to hang out there, because you think there're unsavory people there.
Mum : Yeah, if you go. I will be naturally concerned.
Son : Actually, I don't really want to visit that disco, I don't like dance music anyway, but I just want to see what it's like.
Mum : Sure, I trust that you know my reservations, and I don't want to sound like a nag but you must be careful. Don't have any dealings with unruly people.
Son : (feeling a lot better that he's been given the approval) You know what, mum. My friends think I'll never get your approval, but now I have. I'll tell them that. And anyway, now that you've said okay, I'll see if I want to join them this Friday at all.
All teenagers, and even adults, want is to be genuinely listened to, and not talked over.
Just sharing. Thanks.
Sometimes, teenagers know more about parental expectations than the parent can give credit for. After all, parents are accustomed to going from A to Z about everything...
-
prancingpony:
Sorry, still don't know how to do the quoting thing.
Just hit the quote button on the top right hand corner of this post and then type your reply outside the quotes. -
qizai:
Thanks qizai. Haven't done it for so long, i forgot. :lol:prancingpony:
Sorry, still don't know how to do the quoting thing.
Just hit the quote button on the top right hand corner of this post and then type your reply outside the quotes. -
insider:
Insider, I'm so sorry your daughter's encounter is so ugly.Daughter's encounter on her first day of attachment in UK. Her email that sounded so much like 'high pressure selling' to me. This type of Christians got 'commission' from God if they manage to convert people izzit?
Quote
Got 'attacked' by Christians (one european and one korean) today - they were promoting the crossover (it's like this seal God puts on people to save them from attacks) and after half an hour of pouring info into me and quoting stuff from all over the Bible, they asked me if I was willing to undergo the crossover (just eat bread and drink wine - the flesh and blood of Jesus), I replied no. You should have seen their faces hahaha They spluttered and tried to convince me that I had everything to gain and nothing to lose + asked why so I explained that I have a staunch Buddhist mother and dying isn't so bad because each life is a test. Yeah and the Korean guy went on to say stuff like Laos got hit by some disaster even tho the people there believe in Buddha very strongly. >___> Are you frigging serious. Then he continued by describing how scared the Buddha believers are because Buddha wasn't protecting them. So basically his message was \"YOU SEE BUDDHA DOESN'T PROTECT HIS FOLLOWERS ERGO HE IS NOT REAL YOU SHOULD BELIEVE IN GOD WHO IS TRYING TO BRING YOU BACK TO HEAVEN.\" Thank goodness they left. -__- But the nothing-to-lose-if-you-just-eat-drink-the-seal is true la but that defeats the whole purpose of religion right like you are just doing stuff to keep yourself safe - so selfish. You should really have faith and believe then it works right. PLUS they kept insinuating I'm from China ); I was so close to losing my temper.
Unquote
let me assure you taht the crossover is NOT biblical. Hope you understand!
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