Move in with MIL?

[janet88]

mummychua:

i stayed with her for the 1st year of my marriage. i know how restricted i felt during that period. she always seems to be spying on us. it is especially uncomfortable for us when we are doing *aham* or when we are have argument.


but of course now we have a kid to keep her entertained, so maybe she wont be so bothered with us.

For all you know, maybe she may not welcome the idea of you guys moving in to stay with her as she has her freedom to do as she wishes all this while...although convenient, you will lose your freedom once you move in and can't move out as easily as as you wish after that...once she is very buddy with your daughter. Do consider properly.

[fable]

Why not rent out your place and rent a place close to your MIL (and your dh’s work etc). Its a little more troublesome, yes, but you will have your own space and financially should not be any worse off. I have quite a good relationship with my ILs, but I’m quite sure it would deteriorate quite quickly should we move in with them, especially now that we have ds. We have very different points of view with regard to raising children.

[Curry]

Hmm, since you have experience living with your mil and you know that it isnt all that fantastic, i would say nay. Who knows, perhaps you're not the only one losing freedom - she may too.


Indeed, property pricing are very high these days, do you guys have a place of your own? What will you guys be doing with that place should you move in with your mil?
If me i would sell off my current house, and get a place near my mil. Convenient and you guys can take care of your mil vice versa since nearby. And best of all, everyone has their freedom and your hubby need not be sandwiched should conflict arise. And all these comes with a price of course..... :moneyflies:

[jedamum]

My personal opinion wrt renting near mil. I will

Is your mil still working and has a sustainable income? If not, why would you want to let others earn that rental instead of letting her earn that rental? Personally, if at the end of the day, you still need to stay and care for the old folk and the mil is still tolerable, I find I am not able to open my mouth to tell dh to rent near to her mum than stay with her mum without fear of offending him.
If you really value your privacy, sell and buy instead of rent.I will feel hurt myself if my kids chose to rent instead of staying with the old me.

[phtthp]

better to buy your own house near your mil, then to stay long term with your mil.

[kids_r_innocent]

I agree to sell and then buy a hse that is near to ur mil. Unless u r willing to be accommodating when u stay with ur mil, otherwise it will be difficult to stay under other’s roof coz u have had that experience once.


Easier to move in but difficult to move out!

[Mawar]

Actually I share Jedamum's concerns. When the old folks get on in years, or when one spouse passes on, I would rather they stay with us. But I draw the line of having SIL or BIL coming as part of the package. Shudders!!


I know how it feels to lose the freedom of being mistress of one's own home but I would feel worse leaving them alone. Sigh! Dilemma!

Best case scenario, is to strike toto, and get a bigger place. House 3 generations under one roof. No one gets in the way of the other. :grphug:

[Coolkidsrock2]

Please take note that if you are going to hire a maid sometime down the road, you may encounter difficulties in your recruitment because they do not wish to work for families with old people. My ex-maid renegaded on her word to extend her contract till year end and left in August and I had difficulty in finding a replacement. DD’s PSLE was in September and I was spending time on housework every evening after work instead of supervising her and DS who is also in his streaming year.

There may also be clashes in terms of the lifestyle and habits. I only allow kids to watch documentaries and financial news but the old folks generally watch TV serials, some of which have no value add or worse, value reduction.

[janet88]

Stay next door to her anytime better than under same roof.

You need the freedom and own space to stay sane…if there are arguments, you have a place to escape…ok, we all have our own ways of doing things even like hanging laundry, by having your own flat, you can do things your way. Most importantly, do not sandwich hubby.

[phtthp]

janet_lee88:

Stay next door to her anytime better than under same roof.

You need the freedom and own space to stay sane...if there are arguments, you have a place to escape...ok, we all have our own ways of doing things even like hanging laundry, by having your own flat, you can do things your way. Most importantly, do not sandwich hubby.

good advice !
you also need your own privacy - and stand firm in your own conviction of how you want to raise your kids (esp. if MIL method of bringing up kids is different from your own parenting style). Your MIL can tell you that well, this is how she had raised her son - ie. yr husband, and you chose to marry her son. So what's wrong with her parenting style ? Hard to see eye to eye

If is MIL house, she can tell you during quarrel (when things turn ugly) that - this is her house, not your house.