Extra Marital Affair

[blurqueen]

cfan:

I find that when the children came, my relationship with DH took a turn for the worse...... Maybe we really did not expect the kids to take up so much of our time, maybe we really had terrible differences in the way kids should be raised.....


Anyway, sad to say things were not as we were when we were together without the kids.... .... just wanted to share that alot of things are not so rosy as we thought they would be....

Well, I can totally understand where you're coming from. Felt that way a lot when I realised childcare fell mostly on me esp in their younger years. It was plain exhausting and some times, I felt overwhelmed and unknowingly, we became rather unhappy and \"unloving\" because we started to resent our situation versus before the kids.

I missed the romantic dinners we always had, the fanciful sports car we could salivate over and maybe own, the few trips around the world every year, the freedom to just drop everything and take a drive somewhere. . . the list never seems to end. With kids, time and money has to be planned carefully with KIDS AS PRIORITY ALL THE TIME! I guess we were 'dating' for too many years and not prepared for the changes we had to take. So it's totally normal for you to feel that way.

Both of us only \"woke up\" when our marriage broke down with a 3rd party. Yes, I am angry with her for being so slutty as to seduce a married man, ironically at the same time, i'm glad for her timely appearance. It forced us to face our differences and learnt to communicate on a very different and higher maturity level (we're still like kids!).

It was SUPER hard at first but we knew how important it is for a couple to have \"couple time\" without other distractions. A slow dinner, a walk in the park, sharing the day over ice-cream or coffee, no distraction (no TV, PC, etc) chatting before bedtime and so on ... my main point is, find time to talk to each other, even over trivial matters that may or may not concern family. Don't worry, with time, you'll realise how easy it is to break away from the kids and you'll both look forward to your dates. Your children will also learn from example that it's healthy for mom & dad to go dating as they're in love :love:

Husbands are like kids, they love to be pampered and fussed over too. \"Teh\" him every now and then (that's what most mistresses are excellent at!) and learn from them how to keep your man! I've no idea what it's like to \"teh\" but after some practice in last 1 year ... I think I've got my yellow belt :rotflmao:

Yesterday, hub and I made a date to catch a movie and we enjoyed it totally. Everyone should drag the other half to watch it too. Called \"It's Complicated\". It's about life passages which we're going through now and why men stray this during period (example is his 5yo kid from 2nd marriage). Men also have to realise it's really only a passing phase and they have to bear the consequences of what they reap. Overall a very funny movie, left us in stitches. DH is still laughing about it everytime he thinks of a certain scene.

[buds]

blurqueen:

Husbands are like kids, they love to be pampered and fussed over too. \"Teh\" him every now and then (that's what most mistresses are excellent at!) and learn from them how to keep your man! I've no idea what it's like to \"teh\" but after some practice in last 1 year ... I think I've got my yellow belt :rotflmao:

:rotflmao:

Enjoyed reading your post, blurqueen.
And i agree with all that you have posted.

We the wives too love to be pampered and
fussed over... it's a vice versa kinda treatment.
Supposedly to be an unspoken thing but so far
most times it takes a certain something to happen
or a certain someone or someone(s) to offer the dreaded
wake up call. Yup. Life can't just be centred on children alone
and though we can proudly say we are good mommies we forgot
how to be good, exciting wives as well. Appreciating one another is
definitely two-way traffic. I'm sure now you DO now how to \"teh\" very
convincingly.

And yes these sluts are veeeeerrrry good at \"teh\"-ing... genuine or not,
the men just love it. :roll:

[Andaiz]

Blurqueen, thanks for your timely reminder to \"teh\" DH's.


I just came out of a weekend thinking that I'm really bushed with taking care of the children and their incessant demands and that DH has been neglected. Recently, he's showing signs of \"hiao-ness\": getting himself tested for sleep disorder coz I complained that his breathing very irregular, wanting to go for pedicure to remove deadskin from his soles...
dunno whether to be suspicious or not :? but will certainly pay more attention to him now... :love:

[csc]

Ha, ha....my girl has got a \"black belt\" in teh ing the daddy... no wonder she's his darling at all times.


Guess I've got much to learn from her. :lol:

[3Boys]

Perhaps refer some of you ladies back to this thread? --> http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3258


To me, no matter what, spouse comes first. If you don't look after your marriage, you put the family (and that includes the kids) at risk.

We need to take a long term view and not get swamped by the multitudes of things that can come with child minding. Will DD or DS really suffer if he didn't take up that extra music enrichment or MT tuition that needs you shuttling him around? Possibly, but he will suffer far more if the Daddy drops out from the scene due to neglect.

I keep my children's programmes as straightforward as possible. Anything over and above the absolutely necessary is not considered.

Don't let your time with your children completely swamp your time with your spouse.

[csc]

Thanks for the reminder, 3boys.


Agree with you totally.

[3Boys]

cfan:

In my line of work, I have encountered so many men who openly brings the mistress out and pays for stuff in cash so that no bills were sent to the house. As to why we know they were mistresses, it's because before they bought stuff for the mistress, they have already bought something for the wife and the wife was also here.

Sigh.... sorry to pour greviances over here.... just wanted to share that alot of things are not so rosy as we thought they would be....

I would venture to say that they are in the minority. Most men take their marriages seriously.

[autumnbronze]

This 'teh' - ing thing is something that my DH then boyfrd complained that I didn't have when our r/s went thru a v rough patch b4 we got married.


And it was this 'teh' - ing that brought him to the dark side when he was in the UK doing his post-grad studies. He made the mistake of confiding in a v v gd female frd abt our problems and she capitalized on it v v quickly - she had the hots for him. Suffice to say that the girl wasn't the sort that he would go out with ... ie not pretty etc... but really knew how to 'teh'. Yes, I know, saw the photos and daringly called her up to chat with her, as in really chat ... not hurl abusive words

She was so gd that he really had to 'wean' himself off her. I also realized that this was also predominantly due to the way he was brought up by his mom ... She really 'teh' him, alot too, sometimes to the extent of going overboard, in my own personal opinion, more than her other 2 sons, but then again, he's her first born.

It was a gd lesson for me to as well as for him. When he returned home, we had a good trashing out session and made an effort to work at our r/s so that we could get married soon.

At the end of the day, he knew deep down inside, whether I 'teh' him alot or not, I am the one that he feels secure with.

Though I have to say that since then I have made a conscious effort to 'teh' him, though he still thinks that I have room for improvement.

[cmm]

Hmm, I'm not the type who can \"teh\".... no, sir... just not in my character to do so. Fortunately, my hubby is the type who cannot stand women who \"teh\" either.... simply gets on his nerves. Guess that's one of the reasons we clicked in the first place, hehe.....


Instead, we nurture our relationship by showing care & concern for each other, being considerate (like when we know the other had a tough day and will take over the parenting duties), nightly chats before bedtime, lunch dates at least once a month.

We've been blissfully married for coming to 12 years now. :love:

[Andaiz]

Congratulations, cmm. 12 years and going strong!


Yes, it takes 2 to clap. But male ego is such that it needs stroking once a while. Read some time back about a baron in the UK who left his wife of many years for someone the same age, and not very good looking too ...and the reason is that the mistress \"made him feel needed\".

That's the bane of our modern lifestyle, ain't it? :roll: Women are expected to help bring in the bacon, make decisions about the house...yet make the guy feel needed??!?!