Extra Marital Affair
-
Question is… if a man has strayed once,
will he stray again. No matter how many
apologies have been expressed… there
will definitely be that possibility of the man
straying again.
Staying for the sake of the children can only
take one a little further to sacrifice… but the
trust… will it still be there when the sanctity
of marriage is lost. There may and can still
be some love left from the good days, but
will the love still be the same… It will be
easier to decide whether to leave or not to
leave when children are not in the picture…
But then again, once you leave will life
necessarily be better or happier for that
matter…
A lot of factors to weigh upon and it also
depends on the true feeling of oneself…
Some think with their hearts while some just
follow the rationality of the mind, just tabulating
the pros and the cons. So it reali depends… -
hi baby2momma,
perhaps the question(s) to ask is whether the man is truly repentant -- not just plain lip service type \" I am sorry and let's move on...\" but the one who besides asking for fogiveness, takes concrete actions such as attending counselling sessions with wife, making efforts to earn back the trust of his loved ones again.
If the man is not willing to invest his time /efforts to salvage the marriage but only willing to say sorry, then something is not right
ie to me, he still has not learn his lesson and will likely drop his pants again when the next young thing comes along his way... JMHO
cheers
ponyo -
How does one know if a man is truly repentant btw?
I have friends whose husbands attend everything they
have suggested to strengthen their marriages; just to keep
their wives and their families and to save face… but on the
sly, they still resume their activities nevertheless when the
coast is clearer.
Seriously… sorry is not enough. -
here i am trying very hard to console
a very close relative to give the man
another chance but there again;
as what you guys have said, sorry
is really easy to say and can/cannot
be accepted by the woman but if the
woman really accepts the man back,
will he stray again? and who are we
to then advise the one who gets hurt
over & over again??? sigh....in one
sense i don't want their family to
break up but on the other hand, i felt
the man is treating this incident
very lightly.... :shock:
why are man like that??? can't they
commit to their marital vows???
-
From your description, the man does come across as just a passive participant. Cruising along, doing what is suggested etc to regain his face. This is not the repentance I meant.
True repentance is not just sorrow prompted by the fear of punishment or a cold clinical acknowledgement of an obvious error. Instead repentance is a spiritually produced remorse and sorrow-of-heart at having done wrong in the first place. It goes beyond just saying sorry. The person needs to be broken in spirit.
The parable of the prodigal son is a good example.
Sorry to come across as preachy…
Cheers
ponyo -
buds:
buds, you are right....\"How does one know if a man is truly repentant?\"How does one know if a man is truly repentant btw?
I have friends whose husbands attend everything they
have suggested to strengthen their marriages; just to keep
their wives and their families and to save face.... but on the
sly, they still resume their activities nevertheless when the
coast is clearer.
Seriously... sorry is not enough.
that man used to take care of the family lots..... and he strayed off to
a woman older than his wife !!! my relative could not take it.....
still trying best to pacify her.....more like WE are trying our best to pacify her instead of the man....sigh.... and when tat man was trying to seek forgiveness from his wife, he wasn't very serious too..... :x -
My believes, never actively step into another couple’s problems. You can be there to lend a shoulder or moral support and all but the decision to forgive and work it out or not has to be made by the wife herself. And whatever her decision, just be there to support her when need be.
We cannot presume to know what is best for the couple, only they know for themselves.
The only time that I ever step in to actively tell someone to leave the guy was when the guy was abusive. -
Funz:
I take the same stand unless my friend actively seeks my advice, I prefer to listen and be supportive only. Even then, I would only say from my personal considerations, so my friend still has to build in her/his own personal considerations.My believes, never actively step into another couple's problems. You can be there to lend a shoulder or moral support and all but the decision to forgive and work it out or not has to be made by the wife herself. And whatever her decision, just be there to support her when need be.
We cannot presume to know what is best for the couple, only they know for themselves.
The only time that I ever step in to actively tell someone to leave the guy was when the guy was abusive. -
ks2me:
ks2me, well said...but these men DON'T COUNT the cost coz they didn't think they'd get caught out!
I think for men hor...don't talk Venus to them, talk SUMS to them....then they will pull out the CALCULATOR to count count first before they make that crucial step.... :lol: :lol:
You know, we've been talking about men being caught or found out...what about those who don't? It doesn't make EMA go away...and it truly changes the relationship (I'm assuming there was one with the spouse to even begin with) forever. -
buds:
Men's choice of frenz also do play a part in the straying process.
If one is surrounded by good friends, the limits of exposure to
straying is less... as compared to when one has tons of frenz
who strays as a hobby. Sure got a lot of lobang to share and
tips to help noobies not to get caught by their spouses..
Oh that I agree with, very very much so.
My DH and I used to hang out with a grp of JC classmates when we were dating. We were v v close. Get togethers and all that.
Then the galfrds came in ....
Then they got married ....
Then they had kids ....
Then comparisons started ie the 5Cs .... (actually b4 the kids came)
We stopped meeting up ... was getting too superficial.
Fast Forward, almost ten yrs down the road, out of the four males, three have strayed/are straying for various reasons. When DH met up with them for 'prata session', quite surprised at the tremendous change in them. They also attributed their EMAs to their wives ie don't take care of appearance anymore, lack of sex with them, too preoccupied with kids etc... One of them is a successful owner of a chain of stores catering to kids, teens and those young at heart.
When he came back and related this, I had goosebumps. Imagine if we had played along with their superficiality and maintained the frdship. Not to mention the high monthly payments to accomodate the car and condo/house etc.... :!:
When we talk about the EMA in a r/s, he used to tell me, like 3boys that the spouse's happiness lays in the wife's hands. But recently, when someone we know strayed and got into trouble (woman was trying to blackmail him) and turned to DH for help, I asked DH, this theory doesn't apply as the wife had tried her best to make him happy (to my knowledge). She's attractive and slim too. But, apparently, the someone was 'influenced' by another frd of his about this woman and was persuaded to 'give it a try.' He got into trouble (btw, it was his first time). Had a huge headache trying to sort out the problem with the help of DH. Then after when everything was settled, he strayed again :!:
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login