桃花谈
-
insider:
hahaha...remind me of one of the favourite stories...(the moral of the story is very true. Many times what come out from our mouth really reflects what kind of person we are...)Imami:
人之初性本善。我本善。 可惜我比较愚钝，并没相莲花一样，处于污泥而不染。就因我曾善，当我看到儿子或其他小孩子的真善美，我的心里有所反应。
Oops... Insider senses my heart's 牛粪？ :rotflmao:
Btw, did u type all the Chinese characters about the story between 苏轼和佛印？ -
Imami:
Oops... Insider senses my heart's 牛粪？ :rotflmao:
Btw, did u type all the Chinese characters about the story between 苏轼和佛印？
Oei...I never said that hor... (else means my heart also will have 牛粪!!) Dont put me in deep shit huh...
This 苏轼和佛印 story is a very common story. I cut and pasted from website.
I shared with my niece this story too in one of my books.
After she read it, I asked her what her understanding was.
She wasnt able to answer me.
I told her when you said your mum is a monster, then you have to think whether you are also a monster coz usually it takes a monster to see another monster.
At 18, it may be more difficult to teach her more advance skills of reflections (esp her 慧根 is quite limited at the moment)... -
insider:
Joke joke :rotflmao: .Imami:
Oops... Insider senses my heart's 牛粪？ :rotflmao:
Btw, did u type all the Chinese characters about the story between 苏轼和佛印？
Oei...I never said that hor... (else means my heart also will have 牛粪!!) Dont put me in deep shit huh...
This 苏轼和佛印 story is a very common story. I cut and pasted from website.
I shared with my niece this story too in one of my books.
After she read it, I asked her what her understanding was.
She wasnt able to answer me.
I told her when you said your mum is a monster, then you have to think whether you are also a monster coz usually it takes a monster to see another monster.
At 18, it may be more difficult to teach her more advance skills of reflections (esp her 慧根 is quite limited at the moment)...
I read your post on 苏轼和佛印 to my son. Running out of idea (we always read before bedtime or he would press me for stories), I read that to him becos it was very short. He requested for a translation ( haiz.... A small kantang here) and asked a few qns like what is 打坐 and why they are friends but see each other so differently.
Never wait for my answer and he fell asleep Liao.
I have never heard of this story. Do you know if such stories come in the form of books? It will do us great to read such books. -
Imami:
I have never heard of this story. Do you know if such stories come in the form of books? It will do us great to read such books.
Emmm...cant really recommend you storybooks coz the stories in my head are compounded from the past 40 years of reading...(I read a lot, mostly Chinese books. I seriously believe in 一日不读书，言语无味。三日不读书，面目可憎......)
Usually these stories are embedded in more complex books. I have all sorts of 'chim books' (佛经 that come with explanations) at home and to explain certain complex concepts, these books will make use of simple stories.
As the Chinese literacy level of our kids is declining, most will not be able to enjoy such stories. But we can live the morals of the stories out for them to model after.
Raising wise kids require 身教 + 身教 + 身教... As long as we can set a good model, there is very little chance for our kids to go astray no matter where they are and who they mix with... (wanna borrow your phrase of 出自于污泥而不染. We can 'coat' our kids with such protective layers against bad influences if we can mentor them correctly via 身教).
PS to the rest:
Let me take a short break hor. Will continue with my niece's story when I have a real block of time to write properly... -
Hi insider,
On the bit abt seeing monster in others becos we have monster inside us (loosely phrased). If a person, stranger, committed hideous crimes, intentionally, it is still wrong to label/view the person as a monster ? -
SAHM_TAN:
Below is one of the typical conversations with my kids when they complained to me about ‘naughty kids’:Hi insider,
On the bit abt seeing monster in others becos we have monster inside us (loosely phrased). If a person, stranger, committed hideous crimes, intentionally, it is still wrong to label/view the person as a monster ?
Son (about 10 yrs old): Mum, xxx is such a naughty child. (xxx is his classmate)
Me: How naughty?
Son: You know huh, he went to the toilet and locked himself in. Then, he climbed over the partition to another cubical to lock the other door. Then he climbed again and so on till all the toilet doors were locked except the last one which he used it to exit.
Me: What do you think of xxx?
Son: So naughty lor. He was caught doing that and got caning from the principal.
Me: What do you think the kind of family background xxx has?
Son: Don’t know leh.
Me: I think usually his family maybe quite poor and his parents are busy making money and no time to take care of him. You see he can think of how to figure out the prank and carry it out shows that actually he is quite clever. It’s just that he is using his cleverness to do bad things.
Son: That kind of thing also can be called ‘clever’?
Me: Ya, though he is not doing something right, it takes a clever person to do such thing.
Son: I don’t like him. He’s so naughty.
Me: It’s ok if you don’t want to play with him but you shouldn’t gang up with others to gossip about him or to ostracise him. He may be just a boy who needs help and mummy hopes he will meet someone who can understand him and to help him. Imagine if he can be born as your brother, chances are he will not be like that.
--------------------------------------------------
Some short stories (think I have shared them before years ago):
My best friend who got raped repeatedly by her dad when she was about 10.
When young, she was very very scared of being alone with her dad (one with low IQ) coz of possible sexual advances. She hated her dad then. Such a BIG Monster right?
As she grew, she went around ‘manhunting’. Basically became a promiscuous woman. Shared before that even my husband was ever one of her targets.
As she matured further, she forgave her dad coz she understood that part about her dad having low IQ but high sexual drive. Once she forgiven, almost like her whole worldview changed. She became more stable and more 懂事 instead of carrying on her 'manhunt' routine.
Few months back the dad just passed on. I went to visit the dad in the hospital and saw how she dabbed her dad’s lips with a damp pc of cotton wool.
I am so glad that she has forgiven to this extent (my friend is a Christian and so I don’t share about all these Seedlings Theories with her at all. I am just glad that she has resolved this hatred and so doesn’t need to carry this bad seed with her to her next life.)
PS: She also carries super 桃花 stars on her plate.
-----------------
My family got 6 kids and very poor as told.
My second brother molested me when I was about 10 (climbed on top of me at night and did funny things).
He turned to drugs at around 12 years old and was on drugs for close to 30 years of his life. He was forever in fights when young and always returned home bleeding here and there.
My mum is the leader of the house. She would always nurse my brother back to health (try to imagine a woman nursing an injured child with a broken head). We couldn’t really send him to the hospital coz worry of ‘police catch’.
My this brother would physically abuse me now and then. Such abuse included the use of a chopping knife.
My house used to be so full of drama. There were fights about anything coz that small 3-room HDB needed to house 8 of us (got one point incl my dad's new wife and kids!).
My brother made a girl pregnant when he was about 17 and they married. They gave birth to a son and threw him to my parents. I helped to take care of that baby. That time I was about 18. At that young age, I was thinking I must protect this baby and tried not to let him grow up like the dad. Nevertheless, this baby still had to suffer much abuse when his dad went crazy on drugs.
I did my best to protect this nephew, giving him tuitions, etc. He did reasonably well for his PSLE and O levels and went into poly.
When he was about 17, police came to our door and arrested him for extortion.
He admitted to us that he did commit the extortion crime (exhorted pr schoolers for their handphones).
I got a lawyer to defend him. Lawyer told me court was likely to pass two sentences – RTC or probation. But the court would look at his family background if they wanted to grant probation (coz needs a stable family for him to stay and if no such stable family is available, then he would need to go to RTC).
During sentence day, I had to present myself to the judge to commit myself in taking care of him and to plead for a probation sentence.
He was sentenced to 24 months probation and stayed with me. My kids love to play with him.
When he was with me, he did something quite terrible.
He stole my jewelry in my lock up drawer and pawned all.
It was months later then I discovered my jewelry was all gone (I seldom open that drawer unless I want to put on jewelry for occasion).
When he knew that I had discovered, he ran away.
He was still under probation order at that time, meaning he had to observe curfew hours. By breaking the curfew hours = once caught, he would need to go into RTC.
We chatted over the phone during those 3 days that he ran away.
I wasn’t God. Of course I was very upset. But upset couldn’t solve the situation. My mum was recovering from cancer during that time. I couldn’t let her worry about all these kinds of noises. If I couldn't settle the matter calmly, I might have lose my mum on top of my jewelry!
I asked him to come back.
Similar to the way my brother repenting to my mum, my nephew repented and repented to me. I forgave him (couldn’t chase him else I risked also losing him forever). Subsequent months passed by peacefully.
After his NS, he went to complete his diploma.
Now, he is happily married with an oh-so-cute daughter.
His dad (my second brother) finally kicked the drug habit about 5/6 years ago through a church.
Now he is a proud grandfather who dotes on his granddaughter like a little princess. Few days back when my mum recounted to me my grandma’s last blessing to her about all her children will be good, my mum was thinking about how glad she is to see my second brother finally changed when she saw him playing with my grand niece. I think this 祖孙四代 picture is not possible at all if we didn’t have enough strength to make it happen.
I love my mum. She is the wisest woman on earth despite 目不识丁!
--------------------------------------------
Not sure have I answered you question?
Basically, 可恶之人必有可怜之处…..
We keep talking about physical and emotional scars. What I can share about my personal life experiences is all these scars made me into a very strong woman. With the strength, I can help many people... (so I am actually quite thankful of having those experiences).
I marvel about 命. Sometimes I will still ponder how I could be number 1 in my Sec 4 class when my house was always such a big mess... -
Insider, you have a lot of strength. One thing that I have learnt and still learning is not to judge.
:salute: -
Hi, Insider,
Your 以德报怨 is highly admirable.....
:salute: :salute: :salute: -
insider:
is like a story and teaching time..... i'm looking forward to your story....
PS to the rest:
Let me take a short break hor. Will continue with my niece's story when I have a real block of time to write properly... -
insider:
Thanks for sharing Insider. That is type of amazing real life story that seems always happens in movie. By the way, I mentioned earlier, the way that your husband and you first met was also like movie...
-----------------
My family got 6 kids and very poor as told.
My second brother molested me when I was about 10 (climbed on top of me at night and did funny things).
He turned to drugs at around 12 years old and was on drugs for close to 30 years of his life. He was forever in fights when young and always returned home bleeding here and there.
My mum is the leader of the house. She would always nurse my brother back to health (try to imagine a woman nursing an injured child with a broken head). We couldn’t really send him to the hospital coz worry of ‘police catch’.
My this brother would physically abuse me now and then. Such abuse included the use of a chopping knife.
My house used to be so full of drama. There were fights about anything coz that small 3-room HDB needed to house 8 of us (got one point incl my dad's new wife and kids!).
My brother made a girl pregnant when he was about 17 and they married. They gave birth to a son and threw him to my parents. I helped to take care of that baby. That time I was about 18. At that young age, I was thinking I must protect this baby and tried not to let him grow up like the dad. Nevertheless, this baby still had to suffer much abuse when his dad went crazy on drugs.
I did my best to protect this nephew, giving him tuitions, etc. He did reasonably well for his PSLE and O levels and went into poly.
When he was about 17, police came to our door and arrested him for extortion.
He admitted to us that he did commit the extortion crime (exhorted pr schoolers for their handphones).
I got a lawyer to defend him. Lawyer told me court was likely to pass two sentences – RTC or probation. But the court would look at his family background if they wanted to grant probation (coz needs a stable family for him to stay and if no such stable family is available, then he would need to go to RTC).
During sentence day, I had to present myself to the judge to commit myself in taking care of him and to plead for a probation sentence.
He was sentenced to 24 months probation and stayed with me. My kids love to play with him.
When he was with me, he did something quite terrible.
He stole my jewelry in my lock up drawer and pawned all.
It was months later then I discovered my jewelry was all gone (I seldom open that drawer unless I want to put on jewelry for occasion).
When he knew that I had discovered, he ran away.
He was still under probation order at that time, meaning he had to observe curfew hours. By breaking the curfew hours = once caught, he would need to go into RTC.
We chatted over the phone during those 3 days that he ran away.
I wasn’t God. Of course I was very upset. But upset couldn’t solve the situation. My mum was recovering from cancer during that time. I couldn’t let her worry about all these kinds of noises. If I couldn't settle the matter calmly, I might have lose my mum on top of my jewelry!
I asked him to come back.
Similar to the way my brother repenting to my mum, my nephew repented and repented to me. I forgave him (couldn’t chase him else I risked also losing him forever). Subsequent months passed by peacefully.
After his NS, he went to complete his diploma.
Now, he is happily married with an oh-so-cute daughter.
His dad (my second brother) finally kicked the drug habit about 5/6 years ago through a church.
Now he is a proud grandfather who dotes on his granddaughter like a little princess. Few days back when my mum recounted to me my grandma’s last blessing to her about all her children will be good, my mum was thinking about how glad she is to see my second brother finally changed when she saw him playing with my grand niece. I think this 祖孙四代 picture is not possible at all if we didn’t have enough strength to make it happen.
I love my mum. She is the wisest woman on earth despite 目不识丁!
--------------------------------------------
Not sure have I answered you question?
Basically, 可恶之人必有可怜之处…..
We keep talking about physical and emotional scars. What I can share about my personal life experiences is all these scars made me into a very strong woman. With the strength, I can help many people... (so I am actually quite thankful of having those experiences).
I marvel about 命. Sometimes I will still ponder how I could be number 1 in my Sec 4 class when my house was always such a big mess...
Truly, to forgive is divine, :salute:
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