桃花谈

[smurf28]

Living in a grateful world


Be grateful to those who have hurt or harmed you,
for they have reinforced your detetmination.

Be grateful to those who have deceived you,
for they have deepened your insight.

Be grateful to those who have hit you,
for they have reduced your karmic obstacles .

Be grateful to those who have abandoned you,
for they have taught you to be independent .

Be grateful to those who have made you stumble,
for they have strengthened your ability.

Be grateful to those who have denounced you,
for they have increase your wisdom and concentration

Be grateful to those who have made you
Firm & Resolute
and Helped you in your Achievement.

[Imami]

Busymom:

Thanks, Imami.

There was a time when my mom was very against a decision that I had made. I talked to her every night, for many hours. At the end of each session, I thought that I had almost managed to talk her around. However, the next morning, she would go back to her old stubborn self and I would be back to square one again trying to persuade her. She was probably in a big patch of 无明. Or maybe I was...

She finally accepted my choice, after a long time. Initially out of her love for me, but eventually she realized that I wasn't wrong. However, my dad didn't forgive me for causing her such grievance, for a very long time. In his mind during that whole time, I probably was the most unfilial child in the entire universe. I dreaded going home every night, not sure when I may step on a land mine and get blown into pieces.

:hugs: :hugs: 都过去了。

[Imami]

MR06:

Imami:

Most welcome Insider. I am glad to have finally pass up something that I think can ‘see the world’. As I write, there was a part of me which wonder if I would be judged from now on. I do know, from experience, being able to consolidate and to share it, is part of the healing process.

Fear not my friend,

Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.

Nancy Lopez

thanks mr06. Becos of your Id, for some reason, I always think of James bond :rotflmao: .

The part in red is very true.... :sad:

[Imami]

smurf28:

Living in a grateful world


Be grateful to those who have hurt or harmed you,
for they have reinforced your detetmination.

Be grateful to those who have deceived you,
for they have deepened your insight.

Be grateful to those who have hit you,
for they have reduced your karmic obstacles .

Be grateful to those who have abandoned you,
for they have taught you to be independent .

Be grateful to those who have made you stumble,
for they have strengthened your ability.

Be grateful to those who have denounced you,
for they have increase your wisdom and concentration

Be grateful to those who have made you
Firm & Resolute
and Helped you in your Achievement.

:hugs: thanks for sharing. this is very nice indeed

I hv personally experienced the parts in red and reached the point when I actually became grateful for these people. ESP the one on \"abandon\". Without him \"abandoning\" me, I wouldn't hv been so independent.

[concern2]

insider:

I am not shy to say I am grooming three useful individuals for the future society. My three kids are likely to contribute and to help many others in their own ways during their lifetime and that’s the legacy I am leaving behind for the 尘土 that raises me. So you see, when we ‘groom’ ourselves, we indirectly groom our offsprings and with that, high chance of 福报连连.

Insider, I think by sharing on this thread here, you are 'grooming' more individuals than you think

Imami, thanks for sharing your story too! Really, 三人行必有我师！ :salute:

[Imami]

Thank you insider, for the detailed review. 


I hv been thinking that something is not very right about me. U said it in just one word  魔 .  是呀，我的心魔其大无比。人面兽心说的就像我这种人。To use science to explain, maybe I hv bipolar disorder or  精神分裂症 ? oops… Will I be judged from now on?

Haiz… Talking about gambling, what u said applied to me too. But I got polluted later. At about 8-9. I would accompany my mum to gambling den and be given a sum of money to play too. In a way,  我在 帮妈妈赚钱。at 10, I picked up mah Jong. I would stand in for my father when he was tired of playing. I still like mahjong but dont really miss those card games. Cny time is one of the few times I would   大展拳脚 Hahahha

The origin of  魔一定是一个人吗？ I hv been thinking, trying to piece up the puzzle. 

Good brain?  我总觉得脑袋瓜在前几年被我撞坏了。 the  魔 is most likely going to be inside me forever. The key is to keep it asleep, I could almost feel it whenever I was beginning to erupt. It was extremely hard to control myself. There were points when I thought I was going to be blown up into pieces as I tried to control myself. The fear was so great that I was shaking but not daring to move.  哭都哭不出 . 没有亲身尽力是不会明白的。

 My son and me are very alike. Almost everyone says he looks like me. I also think he looks like me. He is just like the boy version of me when I was a little girl. But I think he’s much more intelligent. Prob due to the education these days. He is not as kind as the little me - I need to teach him that insects deserve the right to live. 

He would run happily to me to tell me his friend pluck a stalk of leaves off a small plant. No sign of guilt. I had to tell him how I believed plants needed to be respected and protected.

His thinking skills is a lot better than the tut tut little me. He could say  一针见血 things in an adults’ conversation, thereby demonstrating his intelligence (and some wisdom). Recently, the tv news showed parts of Italy flooded. While every adult (youngest being 17) watched intensely, he said,"mummy, there don’t hv drains? They don’t hv weather station to tell them rain coming? The residents there how?" these are his exact words. Pardon the grammar but you can tell his thought processing and language skills not bad for a 5yo.

 修口修行修心﹣ I am almost completing  修口. Although not fully completed, I hv started  修行 also. 

About the $700 friend - you are right. If I had hanged on with her and her friends, I wouldn’t have done well for my o levels.

About the " I am powerful" - the truth is I am only powerful at home and in my son’s eyes Hahahha. What I say is  圣旨. What I say overpowers what the father/school teachers/grandparents/god parents/relatives/tv says. So I am mindful about what I say to my son is very impt.

I am a good disciple - hardworking, good listening skills, good memory ( 进几年脑袋瓜被撞坏后，就有点差）。  my mum always like to say I am like her - very  好教 .

日士农日工商, 此四民国之良 - I am also nurturing tomorrow’s  良。i hope I can succeed. For if he doesn’t become  良, he has an exponential of being  不良 than me.

I hv never been  to  扫墓. My parents always say daughter no need. I will try this year. I have never heard/felt my father’s bitterness about his mother. But I will see if I can fish out anything. 

I understand the part on what you say about my pil. But why must they leave Liao then we get the blessing?

Thank you for your well wishes. Yes you are right - A bright kid doesn’t need much from the parents. Not trying to boast here but my son called "papa" at 7mths, walked at 9mths, talked at 12mths, run and jump at 15mths, spoke 3 languages at 24mth, write at 3.5yo, add/sub at 4yo. Compared to many parents, I hv a whole lot easier. And to think I used to think I have a problematic infant! Ha, so laughable! 

About the second child - yes, I am medically fit except the normal aging process also affects me. Strangely I don’t think the delivery has any effect on me psychologically. It’s all physical, despite a close shave with death. I think it hurt my husband more emotionally since he was made to make a very difficult decision. The doctors asked him to choose to save the big one or the small one if they couldnt save both during my delivery.

Our prob can be explained by science - he is always away traveling for work. How to make babies? The window period for Each month is only that few days wor… I want this second kid more than my first (oops). My first just "dropped down to us". This second one I have been trying to make for 3 yrs Liao! 

20 years back, when I just met my then friend (only friend, not bf) now hubby, I met a professional  看三世 aunty. She said I would marry a good husband and have two very filial children, one boy one girl. The first two part met Liao, just waiting for the little girl to arrive. 

I can only keep what you say in mind -  心想事成 keep thinking to plant the seed. Maybe one day it will happen. But I have accepted that I may not have a second one and that it is more impt to treasure the existing one here with me.

[Imami]

concern2:

Insider, I think by sharing on this thread here, you are 'grooming' more individuals than you think

Imami, thanks for sharing your story too! Really, 三人行必有我师！ :salute:

thanks concern2 :hugs: 好一个三人行必有我师！

It took a while for me to do it (share story) becos of emotional/psychological barrier ( 心理障碍）。 还好暂时没背丢臭鸡蛋

[insider]

Imami:

About the $700 friend - you are right. If I had hanged on with her and her friends, I wouldn't have done well for my o levels.

A quick one here before I going for a birthday party (lunch buffet complete with free flow wine. Think after that I can't write much oredi...).

We have to know this thing about 缘分, that everything has a 缘始 then 缘灭.

缘始 - someone appears in our life to serve a purpose (whether 讨债 or 还债).

缘灭 - once the purpose is served, this someone has to leave (can be physical or via death).

If this someone is to 讨债, then we actually have to thank this someone for helping us to 消业. If you were to recall life experiences generally, most of the time, this someone has to do something very bad to themselves or to experience something very bad themselves in order to hurt you; so in the sense, that someone suffers too in order for you to 消业.

I leave you to think your $700-friend is someone who came to 讨债 or 还债...(which in either way you have to be really thankful of her).

[insider]

Imami:

The origin of  魔一定是一个人吗？ I hv been thinking, trying to piece up the puzzle. 

origin of 魔 is always a Seed.

The Seed can be embeddd when one was born (carried forward fro previous life) or planted during this current life.

Imami:

Good brain?  我总觉得脑袋瓜在前几年被我撞坏了。 the  魔 is most likely going to be inside me forever. The key is to keep it asleep, I could almost feel it whenever I was beginning to erupt. It was extremely hard to control myself. There were points when I thought I was going to be blown up into pieces as I tried to control myself. The fear was so great that I was shaking but not daring to move.  哭都哭不出 . 没有亲身尽力是不会明白的。

Wow, your 魔 sounds strong...

The ultimate objective is to remove the 魔 and not really to suppress it.

If it is only being suppressed, sooner or later it will emerge again coz we just have this ups and downs in life and during our down time, spiritually we are weaker and then 魔 will have a good chance to take over to let us do mean things.

It does see like you still have a fury temper that you are trying to tame.

No worry, at least now you know and you are trying to do something about it. When you are struggling with the 魔 and when you overcome it time and again, your 智 will get better and your 无明 will be lesser = your 魔 over the long run will get smaller and smaller. Have faith that it will improve in time and perhaps 10 years later when you look back, you will laugh at how come last time so minor things also can drive you nuts. It just too bad that we cannot make ourselves travel to the future to look at our future state of mind. If we can, then we will not be upset about those nitty gritty things that seem to plague us now...

Think the most valuable lesson that you have learnt so far is ruthlessness may get you to somewhere faster and easier but that will not bring peace.

曾子：宁可正而不足，不可斜而有余。(translate: rather be upright though poorer; then to be powerful/rich but wicked)

Peacefulness is brought by something very simple: 知足 and don't harm something or some person for self benefits = 问心无愧 = long lasting power.

Just to 修 '知足' this item may require one's lifetime to 修 coz of the so common mis-thinking that 'everything is not good enough' - my spouse is not good enough, my kids are not good enough, my parents are not good enough, my in-laws are not good enough, my boss is not good enough, my friends are not good enough, my siblings are not good enough, etc while the only one who is 'good enough' is the bearer of such thoughts himself/herself...

Imami:

I am a good disciple - hardworking, good listening skills, good memory ( 进几年脑袋瓜被撞坏后，就有点差）。  my mum always like to say I am like her - very  好教 .

日士农日工商, 此四民国之良 - I am also nurturing tomorrow's  良。i hope I can succeed. For if he doesn't become  良, he has an exponential of being  不良 than me.

Children who are 好教 are born with 慧根.

好教 here doesnt mean high IQ (coz some high IQ kids are very difficult to teach).

好教 = more matured in thinking relative to a child's age (here got nothing to do with knowing ABCs by 12 months). Child has an innate ability to know the rights and wrongs.

People like me can be a BIG MONSTER if I choose to be coz I am intelligent and know a lot about human weaknesses yet I appear to be so 'kind'. Used to think that I can be one of the best 老千 if I want to coz ALL who around me trust me COMPLETELY and so if one day I choose to turn my back, I can con almost like everyone and then live happily as a multi millionaire somewhere out of here...

So, this quality may also apply to your son that if he carries such a bad seed (of being a wicked person such as to be a 老千）, this seed should not be activated and should preferably be removed (消业）. If your son in future were to run foul with the law, chances are it will be a high profile case. 'Intelligent' people usually don't commit 'petty' crimes. If they want, they rock the surroundings and let everyone 'drop their spectacles'. This one links back to my concept of 不争一日长短，只在乎千秋霸业. Our hearts are just that BIG and so it's a double edge sword that we have to be careful not to apply it in a negative way...

Sometimes in news we read about criminals committing terrible crimes. We hold these criminals responsible for their evil deeds. But I always find their parents have to be indirectly responsible in some ways for these evil deeds coz these criminals were not properly guided when they were young and then they have no means to do something for their bad / good seeds and let the bad seeds to mature more than the good seeds. I 'feel' for criminals though many will say my compassion is being misplaced. But to me these people, if given a choice, would not want to lead lives like those. Just that somewhere along their developmental journey, something snapped and then things went spiral down beyond their control...

[insider]

Imami:

I hv never been  to  扫墓. My parents always say daughter no need. I will try this year. I have never heard/felt my father's bitterness about his mother. But I will see if I can fish out anything. 

If you go 扫墓, you may just say something like, \"Grandma，辛苦了！\" (I really think your grandma was 辛苦了！).

I always encourage people to think about their past hurts instead of trying to forget about them (same way as how psychiatrists will manage patients).

Forgetting never equates forgiving. After one forgives, one can still remember something in a more positive light instead of otherwise.

Forgetting = Escaping with the hurts still hiding somewhere in the sub-conscious and our sub-conscious is always more powerful than our conscious; it's about we know something is not right but we may still do that something coz when we act, the sub-conscious may take over our rationale thinking = 不智 = may mean carrying bad seeds unknowingly.

My mum carries herself some hurts. Usually I will not attempt to 'teach' her to overcome her hurts but I will share with her real stories that happened around me and how people 放下. From those stories, she would give me her opinions of the stories, about how she would deal with it if she was the 主角.

Few days back she was not feeling well. So I visited her and gave her massaged and chatted with her. I told her about how my best friend forgiven her dad who raped her and how she took care of her dad during his last moments.

My mum's reflex was best friend was so stupid to forgive her and it she were her, she would not want to see such father again.

Then I questioned my mum, so what if she chose not to forgive? Then let her mum took care of the sick dad alone and bore the work all by herself? By not forgiving will it make my best friend a happier and better person? If best friend still bearing so much disgust and hatred towards her dad, would she still be able to be a more stable person now who is heading a department in a company?

Mum and I spoke for a while. Her conclusion returned back to something that she always teaches me: 有量才有富 and it's really admirable for my best friend to forgive her dad and that my best friend will be blessed.

So when approaching old folks, best to share stories with them and wait and see whether those stories can bring back some of their relevant old memories that they may share and then explore from thereon. Direct questioning usually will bring very 'short' exchanges which may not be meaningful.

'Digging' to find out peoples' past hurts (out of goodwill) requires SKILLS and if don't have such skills, may backfire...

Imami:

I understand the part on what you say about my pil. But why must they leave Liao then we get the blessing?

Think in one of my previous writings, I wrote about everyone of us will not be able to use up all our 福气 in our lives and whatever 'balance' 福气‘ will be left to the ones we hold closer to our hearts (and similar to the 怨气 will be left to curse those whom we dislike and I hope your grandma didn't think of your dad in a negative way at her last moments).

This blessing is called 福荫. Immediate 福荫照三代.

For our generation, the related parties of this 福荫:

Our grandparents
Our parents
Ourselves.

For our kiddos:

Their grandparents (who are our parents)
Ourselves (as their parents)
Themselves

For our grandchildren:

Ourselves (as our grandchildren's grandparents)
Our children (as our grandchildren's parents)
Our grandchildren.

So, we try not to have too much 怨气 appears across these generations coz it affects 世世代代 unless a True Leader can be born among them to stop the vicious cycle...


A bit out of the topic but relevant info:

棺材 is an 'auspicious' item. 'Knowledgeable' people will volunteer to carry coffins, esp coffins of rich people which people may snatch to carry. 棺材 = 关财 = money. Carriers are supposed to rub on the 'balance' 财气 of the deceased. People who want to strike lottery maybe should go and try carrying the coffin of a rich man... (this 'tale' I know is popular among the gangsters. It's not something that I read from more 'formal' source.)