桃花谈

[Imami]

SAHM_TAN:

Thanks insider.


My hubby said he's ok even if she fails. He's from the school of hard knocks so nothing fazes him.

I will try.

Men seem more cool when it comes to this. My husband is also like that. My father too. You may like to read about how I almost dropped out of school here: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=847425#p847425
And

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=847437#p847437

Don't be overly hard on yourself :hugs:

When I find myself at a cross junction and feeling very lost, I will take a step back and think about how I get here and what was I trying to achieve in the first place. We all set off a journey for an objective but often, we lose our vision/focus at mid way, ESP if the journey is a long one or you hv met with many obstacles and made some detour/change path.

[insider]

SAHM_TAN:

Thanks insider.


My hubby said he's ok even if she fails. He's from the school of hard knocks so nothing fazes him.

I will try.

Stay calm and think carefully, about whether your hubby can be the 'Leader'.

If he is a better one than you, then just listen to him and stop your heart from wavering (about kids' school work). Accepting someone who is stronger than you as the Leader is very important coz it allows you to just surrender yourself to his decision WITHOUT doubt and unnecessary arguments (which that will become your Guiding Principle if you are ever in doubt).

Wishing you finding more meaningful things to do for yourself during your SAHM life (can even go and take an afternoon part time course for 'upgrading'). AND, must always stay pretty hor... (must have good skin care routine, must use facial masks, must maintain your hair, etc, etc...coz YOU WORTH IT!)

[ammonite]

keroppi:

I agree. I know how some parents tear the answers at the back of assessment books out because they think their kids would cheat. I don't do that cos I prefer to trust them. Interestingly, my kids also never bother to resort to cheating - they'll just leave those they can't do blank so that I can teach them later. When they are in upper Pri, I started asking them to mark themselves - so they can be independent and take ownership of their learning. Also make life easier for myself lah ..

Judging from the number of assessment books passed down to me from friends and relatives, a lot of parents do not trust their kids. Quite sad. I feel that when you trust them, they'll try their best to honor your trust.

I find that strange, I never knew that parents do that..?? For my son, I tell him to check the answer himself if he doesn't know how to do a question. Learn by working backwards mah. I learnt that way too when I was a kid.

[ammonite]

ruohoo97:

insider:

The only thing that we can do to improve on one's destiny is via developing compassionate individuals - this one to me is a Sure Win...

So, you try to develop your own interest and do your own things. If you find you really cannot stop tailing behind your kiddos' backs on their studies, then make some arrangement and return to work. First and foremost, you have to live a fulfilling life, then your kiddos are likely to also live fulfilling lives coz you are the MODEL...

This is interesting point. many of us quit our career to be SAHM, you seems to suggest otherwise.

The way I interpret insider's comments is that our lives cannot revolve just around our kids and their academics. I fully agree with this. I have observed many parents while I was growing up, and I observed that the happiest ones and those with good relationship with their children are those who embrace life - they have friends, hobbies, work that they take delight in. In this way, they are constantly recharged with new ideas and energies, and are a joy to be around. They continue to be able to \"give\" and they are balanced in their mindsets and lifestyles.

In contrast, those who have 'sacrifice' everything because it is the 'right' thing to do tend to have a tinge of resentment, and a hard time dealing with the \"empty nest\" syndrome. It is hard for their kids and husband too. They can't live their lives fully without feeling guilty and resentful at the same time. The roles sometimes becomes reversed. The child has become an adult, but the adult has become a petulant attention seeking child.

[jedamum]

Aiyo

Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don’t trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.

[keroppi]

jedamum:

Aiyo

Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don't trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.

Sorry, I don't mean to generalise.
I asked those people myself and that was the answer I got.

[jedamum]

Ammonite

I am like that, life revolve around kids.
But I was never happier before this.
I felt like an awkward person and often question the meaning of life.
I used to have frequent conversation with myself in my head before I got married and have kids.
How? I don't find many hobbies interesting unless you include surfing here and watching tv as hobbies! !!!
My plans after kids leave the nest would be to spend more time chilling with my mum. Wish her good health! !!!

[keroppi]

Imami:

I remember when I was very little, my mum would always tell me - if u lie to me, you are also lying to yourself. I don't really understand the rationale of her words but it has great impact on how I choose to believe in my child (and my husband) and how I choose to empower my son to do the right thing. I let him know that he has a choice - to do the right thing or the wrong one. Most People, by nature, will try to \"live up\" to the expectation of the others, especially those who love them.

I agree. One of the things I cannot stand is lying. Not sure why - but if I were to catch a lie, I would feel very, very upset. I guess it's because I trust most people to do the right thing. Like you, I believe in empowering my children.

[Imami]

ammonite:

The way I interpret insider's comments is that our lives cannot revolve just around our kids and their academics. I fully agree with this. I have observed many parents while I was growing up, and I observed that the happiest ones and those with good relationship with their children are those who embrace life - they have friends, hobbies, work that they take delight in. In this way, they are constantly recharged with new ideas and energies, and are a joy to be around. They continue to be able to \"give\" and they are balanced in their mindsets and lifestyles.

In contrast, those who have 'sacrifice' everything because it is the 'right' thing to do tend to have a tinge of resentment, and a hard time dealing with the \"empty nest\" syndrome. It is hard for their kids and husband too. They can't live their lives fully without feeling guilty and resentful at the same time. The roles sometimes becomes reversed. The child has become an adult, but the adult has become a petulant attention seeking child.

Well said, ammonite!
:goodpost:

[vinegar]

keroppi:

jedamum:

Aiyo

Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don't trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.

Sorry, I don't mean to generalise.
I asked those people myself and that was the answer I got.

For my case,it was my son who torn all the answer sheets.He said it is easier for him to mark himself without the need to keep flipping to chk answer sheet.

Few yrs ago,I caught my son copied the answers.I was very angry n explained to him that it is no point to practise if u continue copying the answer.Since then,he didn't do it anymore.

But.....few weeks ago,when i picked him up after tuition,asked him why he released fr. class faster than others :? . He said,\"mummy,u don't believe,the teacher left out the answers at the back page.No other students notice that & i am the only one saw it n quickly copied the answers,am I smart?\".....speechless.... :yikes: :scared: