桃花谈
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keroppi:
Same as Keroppi, those around me are like that – they cant trust their kids with the answer sheets. As with many other issues, one single factor should not be taken as conclusive. But this is one good example of action vs intention. When parents decide to tear out the answer sheets, is it purely because it is easier to mark?
Sorry, I don't mean to generalise.jedamum:
Aiyo
Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don't trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.
I asked those people myself and that was the answer I got.
anyway I did that too – tear out answer sheets – to mark my own assessment books. -
ammonite:
The way I interpret insider's comments is that our lives cannot revolve just around our kids and their academics. I fully agree with this. I have observed many parents while I was growing up, and I observed that the happiest ones and those with good relationship with their children are those who embrace life - they have friends, hobbies, work that they take delight in. In this way, they are constantly recharged with new ideas and energies, and are a joy to be around. They continue to be able to \"give\" and they are balanced in their mindsets and lifestyles.
This is interesting point. many of us quit our career to be SAHM, you seems to suggest otherwise.ruohoo97:
[quote=\"insider\"]
The only thing that we can do to improve on one's destiny is via developing compassionate individuals - this one to me is a Sure Win...
So, you try to develop your own interest and do your own things. If you find you really cannot stop tailing behind your kiddos' backs on their studies, then make some arrangement and return to work. First and foremost, you have to live a fulfilling life, then your kiddos are likely to also live fulfilling lives coz you are the MODEL...
In contrast, those who have 'sacrifice' everything because it is the 'right' thing to do tend to have a tinge of resentment, and a hard time dealing with the \"empty nest\" syndrome. It is hard for their kids and husband too. They can't live their lives fully without feeling guilty and resentful at the same time. The roles sometimes becomes reversed. The child has become an adult, but the adult has become a petulant attention seeking child.[/quote]indeed....I notice that was what happened to my PIL,constantly seeking attn & draining our energy to fulfill their attn.
I keep reminding myself not to end up like them.
i always remind myself to keep loving myself.We shld not depend on others to make ourselves happy.By doing so,we also won't feel resentment, for not getting any returns for the efforts+times we give to DH n children. -
vinegar:
For my case,it was my son who torn all the answer sheets.He said it is easier for him to mark himself without the need to keep flipping to chk answer sheet.
Sorry, I don't mean to generalise.keroppi:
[quote=\"jedamum\"]Aiyo
Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don't trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.
I asked those people myself and that was the answer I got.
Few yrs ago,I caught my son copied the answers.I was very angry n explained to him that it is no point to practise if u continue copying the answer.Since then,he didn't do it anymore.
But.....few weeks ago,when i picked him up after tuition,asked him why he released fr. class faster than others :? . He said,\"mummy,u don't believe,the teacher left out the answers at the back page.No other students notice that & i am the only one saw it n quickly copied the answers,am I smart?\".....speechless.... :yikes: :scared:[/quote]How to deal with the betrayal over trust?
I've been trying to train my son to be independent n take responsibility,seems doesn't work well.
Whenever i leave him alone to do his homework,he'll end up playing.If i sit besides him,he'll ask me to away. -
jedamum:
Well done, Jedamum! You qualify to be a role model for the other sahms. Most of the sahms I know do not live life to the fullest for themselves. But I have to say, I see such characters in the work force too, just that the ratio is smaller. Nothing is absolute – if one is sahm, then one must be leading an unfulfilling life and if one is a ftwm, then one must be leading a fulfilling life. The point is finding something that suits oneself.Ammonite
I am like that, life revolve around kids.
But I was never happier before this.
I felt like an awkward person and often question the meaning of life.
I used to have frequent conversation with myself in my head before I got married and have kids.
How? I don't find many hobbies interesting unless you include surfing here and watching tv as hobbies! !!!
My plans after kids leave the nest would be to spend more time chilling with my mum. Wish her good health! !!!
I have to confess I am not one of those who can juggle a high flying career AND family life. But neither am I the sort who can stay at home, or at least that is what I assess myself to be. Hence, when I was at the cross road some years back, I decided to give up a great career path (all laid out, just waiting for me to walk it through) and focus on my family. I took up a lower level position which demanded less effort and time from me. of cos, the pay is much much much lesser. But hey, I am clocking Singapore office hours (I used to work round the clock as I took care of the European and Aspac offices and had to report to bosses in US) and I get to knock off at 5.30pm!
Life now is definitely fulfilling. I get to pick my son at his school every day, cook for the family, get to watch TV and talk/play with my son. When I reach the school to pick up the kid, seeing a happy child running towards me every day and giving me a bear hug is well worth whatever trash I need to go through. -
vinegar:
No other students notice that & i am the only one saw it n quickly copied the answers,am I smart?\".....speechless.... :yikes: :scared:
Sorry, don't mean to laugh but very funny leh. :rotflmao:
Kids are so innocent. -
keroppi:
it's ok! I laughed over it also! :rotflmao:vinegar:
No other students notice that & i am the only one saw it n quickly copied the answers,am I smart?\".....speechless.... :yikes: :scared:
Sorry, don't mean to laugh but very funny leh. :rotflmao:
Kids are so innocent. -
vinegar:
Some kids will need hand-holding more. I always strike deals & bargains with my kids. Want to play can, how long before he decides to study. I stick to my end of the bargain and they too. If he says 1 hr, then set the alarm for 1 hr - no dispute when alarm rings. If he complains so much work, then ask him how many pages and get him to agree to the bargain, esp if it is one drawn up by him so it is fair to him.How to deal with the betrayal over trust?
I've been trying to train my son to be independent n take responsibility,seems doesn't work well.
Whenever i leave him alone to do his homework,he'll end up playing.If i sit besides him,he'll ask me to away.
Taking responsibility means facing the consequences themselves too. Be it facing the wrath of teachers, getting poor marks for an unstudied tingxie/spelling, etc. Lose MRT/library card? I will make sure they go through the trouble of calling and reporting to the different offices themselves. Will step in if needed (like getting a photo) or going down to SMRT office, etc. I don't make life easier for my kids. They create a problem, they fix it. Lose a book, go and buy one from the school library yourself with your own savings. Libary book, same thing. It may seem uncaring but such is life. -
Imami:
Thank you.
Men seem more cool when it comes to this. My husband is also like that. My father too. You may like to read about how I almost dropped out of school here: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=847425#p847425SAHM_TAN:
Thanks insider.
My hubby said he's ok even if she fails. He's from the school of hard knocks so nothing fazes him.
I will try.
And
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=847437#p847437
Don't be overly hard on yourself :hugs:
When I find myself at a cross junction and feeling very lost, I will take a step back and think about how I get here and what was I trying to achieve in the first place. We all set off a journey for an objective but often, we lose our vision/focus at mid way, ESP if the journey is a long one or you hv met with many obstacles and made some detour/change path.
My main objective has always to put relationship above results. But once I see a cross on her work my mind just go red. I don't know why, I mean I know very well that it's not possible to know everything and it is ok to make mistakes. -
Been reading lots but seldom post.. due to lots of tots.. abt dh n dc.. n overall family life.. frankly also.. not really sure how i shld go abt sharing my story...
Like vinegar's ds, my ds is either playing or reading his story books whenever he is left to study his tingxie or spelling on his own.. I used to sit beside him.. but since end of last yr i stopped.. n after reading up this thread.. i try to nag less.. n tok to him nicely tat he is to set his own time n target to learn his spelling n tingxie, n come to me when he is ready to be tested.. on certain days it works.. but some days.. i will end up getting upset n frustrated n of coz the tone in speech will not be tat nice.. n if i caught him reading a book.. he will say tat i do not trust tat he will study.. so how?
As for assessment book.. last yr i bot 1 for each subject.. tis yr i only bot chinese.. but as much as i wan to trust ds not to look.. it is hard.. as he did it a few times.. so end up.. i have to staple it to avoid him from cheating.. explained to him that it will not do him good to copy.. he say he understand.. but y did he do it again.. he say he duno.. :slapshead: -
He copies because he just wants to get it over and done with. You must try to explain to him that if he does that, the same question mark will crop up again and again, and he is just wasting his own time and effort. The fastest way through is to master the material once and for all. His short cut is the long cut.
Make sure of course that he is not too tired or has too much at one go.
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