桃花谈

[dolphinsiah]

:thankyou: Vinegar for your kind advice and thoughts....


I try my best to answers your questions:

There are all sort of parents in this world some very Relaxing type, some very Kiasu and Over protective type....

Well too bad.... I belong to Group of parents who are Classify as Over Protective....I know which is no good....

But since young , I was always left to figure the world by myself....

I do not want my children to experience this kind of learning journey.

It is my responsible since I brought them to this Complex World....

I know Age is catching up with me, I have lots of plan during my Golden Years....my Girls are fully aware....

My favourite past time is reading ....I find peace reading books written by
Master Tenzin Palmo, Zen Yen ,Xin Yun and Shen Yan.
I was so inspired by Master Tenzin Palmo Book \" Cave in the Snow\"

I got interested in Tibet Buddhism.....after reading Cave in the Snow...


Like my mum who is 65, she is enjoying her Golden Years,
Morning she goes for Qigong
Afternoon keeps track of her shares
Cooks/Sew/Gardening and even surf the internet for her favourite drama shows....
Karaoke during weekends...and she drives....

I am more worry about my StepDad ...if he was to retire...he does not have much hobby...Except sit in front of the TV watch Sports...go buy TOTO/4D...
and have arguments with my Mom...

Late Spouse why suddenly became Christian...?

Well ...once a upon a time when we met , he told me he used to go to Church...to meet Girls...
So I asked him since he is a believer in Christian , why I don't see him attending church....he told me he is not a strong believer....

If Late Spouse had indicated to me that he was a Strong Believer in Christianity , I would have never dated him....or even get to know him....

I cannot relate the teachings of Christianity....

One sister of Late Spouse found peace with Christianity , so started to share among their family members...invited Late Spouse to Church....
So Late Spouse , just rekindled his Faith with his Lord.... :imanangel:

Why I refuse to downgrade ....because I find
a)current property market is still adjusting
b)the 2 kids...wants me to keep the Condo , they are worry next time very difficult to own this kind of Freehold Condo....

Actually I did not want to Re-post my story....but I wanted to share with readers what Insider views on Fengshui...she highlighted that Fengshui can bring out the luck of a person or a family but it also can have side effects if the person did not continue to do good...
But I am glad I am able to see what Fengshui can do to our lives...

Note : I posted my unhappiness...during Year 2010 /2011....in KS...when I was so stressed up looking after Late Spouse...

It's the Weekend....and the School Break....Enjoy... :xedfingers:

[insider]

sleepy:

What about men who have EMA? Does it mean usually 3rd party is here to 讨债? Wives should forgive?
Actually 3rd party is 讨 whose 债? The men or women?

All parties involved in an EMA, include wife and children of man's family and the 3rd party with perhaps any new child/children are all in a 共业. They owe each other something and have to settle among themselves.

My idea is always wives and husbands should work something out if there's an EMA of spouse. Work at it for about 3 years in a more calmly manner unless the spouse has decided to leave. If cannot work out anything during that period of time, then can consider divorce.

I have written something earlier in this thread on divorce and maybe can relook at it...

[MintyMin]

So what if we only give mum allowance n not dad simply because dad is spendthrift, and mum is not…


My dad is still working, my siblings both single are staying wif my parents, they contribute to hsehold expenses and will give my mum allowance… not sure if they do give my dad…

[Giggler1]

And what if the parents who are gamblers and keep asking for money?

[insider]

MintyMin:

So what if we only give mum allowance n not dad simply because dad is spendthrift, and mum is not..


My dad is still working, my siblings both single are staying wif my parents, they contribute to hsehold expenses and will give my mum allowance.. not sure if they do give my dad..

If the money goes to the parent who 掌门, then it's enough.

Afterall, they are still contributing to household expenses.

Towards parents, whoever 有钱出钱，有力出力. This 心意 is about the same but I can say many times, 出力 (such as bring parents to routine medical check up, visit them often, etc) can be more difficult than 出钱 (which just require some money and an internet transfer and 搞定）.

As said, it's the thought that counts.

出钱 must 出 willingly and 出力 must also 出 willingly.

Dont 一边出, 一边怨, then will accomplish little...

[insider]

Giggler1:

And what if the parents who are gamblers and keep asking for money?

Give them what is enough for their expenses and if they choose to gamble it away, then it's too bad for them.

We will always 尽力 but we never should 尽命 for anyone, incl for our kids...

[Giggler1]

Thanks insider,


I know what I should do now.

My mum always call to ask for extra every month and her calls never fail to put me in dilemma.

I not sure the real reason of her asking that sum although she said it’s to pay debt. But I don’t understand how she can incur such a huge amount of debt. She didn’t want to say the truth.

So every month, I’ll fork out the extra amount that she asking although I not willing to give her. Cos by not giving her, I’ll feel guilty as I’ve failed my duty as a daughter.

Really at a loss on how I can solve the problem.

[dolphinsiah]

insider:

vinegar:

Hi Insider,

In ur post,u mentioned that:

we shld give without expectation( 无怨无悔).
To give and then to expect returns = likely to have disappointment...

parents may want to re-think about your thoughts about ‘not expecting kids to upkeep you’ when you grow old coz really will be 心想事成……

sorry...i am confused,find it contradicting....shld we expect or not expect them to upkeep us?

Wow, vinegar so hardworking! (good to ponder and try to make sense coz that's what I always do when reading)

emmm...my 'expectation' or rather my belief is my kids will turn up to be GOOD people and they are supposed to be filial and do kind deeds to ALL being and that would include being kind to all their family members as well.

This will go back to my belief of I am raising my own kids but I am also not raising my own kids but just raising 'human being' per se (as in the a way, they don't 'belong' to me but they belong to themselves and belong to the society as a whole). So this part is a bit like 小我 vs 大爱 and 大爱 always wins and the 小我 will benefit indirectly.

many parents have this worry that their children next time may not make enough when they have to take care of their own families (this is the 心想 and perhaps will 事成) while I dont carry such worry. I strongly believe / am confident that my kids will be able to find their own ways and be able to be 'balanced' and be happy in the future coz of positive 心态.

catch the ball or not huh?

Yes...I catch the Ball...

But as 平凡 人。。。we will just worry and worry until we finish our last breathe... :scared:

It is Friday...and It is Insider mahjong time.... :evil:

[MintyMin]

insider:

MintyMin:

So what if we only give mum allowance n not dad simply because dad is spendthrift, and mum is not..


My dad is still working, my siblings both single are staying wif my parents, they contribute to hsehold expenses and will give my mum allowance.. not sure if they do give my dad..

If the money goes to the parent who 掌门, then it's enough.

Afterall, they are still contributing to household expenses.

Towards parents, whoever 有钱出钱，有力出力. This 心意 is about the same but I can say many times, 出力 (such as bring parents to routine medical check up, visit them often, etc) can be more difficult than 出钱 (which just require some money and an internet transfer and 搞定）.

As said, it's the thought that counts.

出钱 must 出 willingly and 出力 must also 出 willingly.

Dont 一边出, 一边怨, then will accomplish little...

I meet up with my mum every week... n i understand your point and rationale behind.. It make sense..

Thanks.

[keroppi]

insider:

Towards parents, whoever 有钱出钱，有力出力. This 心意 is about the same but I can say many times, 出力 (such as bring parents to routine medical check up, visit them often, etc) can be more difficult than 出钱 (which just require some money and an internet transfer and 搞定).

Glad to hear this and I so agree with it. My mentality is: if I can do it for my kids without 怨言, I can do it for my parents too. I think my parents are more appreciative of my efforts than my kids, who (sad to say) often take us for granted. :sad: