桃花谈
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wiimum:
:thankyou: for highlighting it.
Not advisable too to include their names, they would be considered private property owner and barred from applying for their first HDB( 别害了他们).dolphinsiah:
:
But as a KS parent....I will not have their names included in the house as owners even when they reach 21.....
Either they buy my share...half of the Condo price....
So I can buy a smaller house to live on my own....during my Golden Years...
This is my Plan ..... :xedfingers:
In your golden years, rent out your condo and rent a small flat and live comfortably??
Yes, I told them they will get marry ...buy their own house....so not necessary to include their name....
Furthermore, include names need :moneyflies: :moneyflies: ... :roll:
I am waiting for them to grow up be independent..... :please: -
dolphinsiah:
I agree. There is already a shift in our expectation as parents as compared to parents a generation or two ago. We don't expect our kids to provide for us financially, and we do not want to be a burden to them. Just provide the kids with basic needs and education, they have to lead their own lives without handouts.hquek:
Hi dolphinsiah, on your rights to the property, you can will it to them, or to other people/charity - it is up to you to dispose. yup. I think we have to plan for our golden years - these days it seems hard to rely on our kids, better to rely on ourselves.
hquek,
You and I , I assumed we belong to the Sandwich Generations....
Our parents expect us , to look after them during their Golden Years...
But we are educated to be independent during our Golden Years...
We know that our next generations will face a lot of challenges and we of course would not like to add burden to them .....
So if our Children is able to look after us during our Golden Years....it is our 福气。 :please: -
Emmm… I am really not sure why many parents have no faith in their kids will take care of them when they are old. Somehow, my faith in my kids is like 100% even though I don’t intend for them to upkeep me (since I can live very simply).
Kids need the 慧根 to know in their sub consciousness without being told / taught that it is to THEIR benefits that they upkeep their parents.
As said, if one wants to make more money, one needs to give parents money. If they don’t give, then difficult to make money or money made oredi cannot stay in the ‘bowl’.
Parents may want to re-think about your thoughts about ‘not expecting kids to upkeep you’ when you grow old coz really will be 心想事成……
Emmm…I just have a feeling like my kids will 抢着要我 and I am the one who says, “No, thank you”…
Anyway, going back to my advice on dolphinsiah (pls don’t get offended in anyway coz I mean well):
PART 1 - dolphinsiah
Your journey so far has been quite painful but I believe you know that now the only way is to move forward positively.
As usual, you have to put yourself FIRST and NOT your children. You cannot care for them meaningfully if you are not taking good care of yourself.
First thing first is to forgive your husband wholeheartedly. Have mercy on him that he had suffered a lot through his 无明, that I believe even till his last moment, he still couldn’t let go of a lot of things on love and hatred.
If he had really left this life with so much negative 牵挂, his ‘transition’ to another life will not be smooth and after he ‘transited’, will repeat similar thing ALL OVER AGAIN and perhaps with YOU as his target again if you cannot sort out this 恩怨 as much as you can in your this life. He maybe now some where in the nether world still suffering coz of his being unable to 放下 those perceived grievances in this life and your TRUE blessings maybe the last straw that can help him to reincarnate. Please help him in this coz he was a man whom you ever loved.
Understand how he suffered from his own 无明, wholeheartedly wish him well, ‘unseed’ the bitterness in you as much as possible. Then your Qi will be better (it seems like you have suffered many negative-negative-negative seeds and so I believe you have ‘suppressed’ positives seeds that are emerging but they may not be able to emerge coz of your negativity towards your late spouse).
Before your husband left, he would have left a ‘curse’ on you and you have to carry that whether you like it or you don’t. If you carry on to tussle with him, this ‘curse’ can only get worst and will not get better.
I am not sure how much your kids are affected by your bitterness but I can assume it is a lot. If they are already badly seeded, then through my writing and the sharing of others so far, you can more or less imagine what kind of man can ‘attract’ them (or what kind of man will be ‘attracted’ to them) in the future. This can really be scary if you were to imagine your kids may have to go through something similar as you.
Your kids required that energy ex 仁 from you to re-look at their father from a different angle. They have to learn how to appreciate their dad coz this is the one who gave them their lives. They may not be able to see the 因缘 between a parent and a child but the least that you can guide them to forgive their dad no matter what had happened and wish their dad well. For them to do so, you have to be the Leader else will be 空口说白话.
Therefore, you have to really think deep and feel deep to be able to forgive your spouse who had inflicted in you so much hurt while in the meantime also reflect on where you had not done enough to be co-contributor of his misdeeds. You are not perfect and so there maybe things that you had done to trigger his ‘craziness’ and that part you know best. Apologise to him for your shortfall and make peace as far as you can.
You owe to yourself this 解放 if you have not done so.
If you were to hope that your kids will be ‘fine’ while in the meantime, you still feel bitter about your late spouse, then I can tell you honestly that you are dreaming coz that’s just not possible.
To be continued… (to comment on your feelings of high insecurity) -
Hi insider,
i have been readind a lot here about forgiving those who have hurt u and 放下. what about getting forgivness to forgive one self?
many yrs back, when i was still in my teenage, i ever done something (dun wish to elaborate) bad that i cannot even forgive myself and has been bothering me since then. if i recall correctly, it is coming 20 yrs now , but i still cannot fully let go of the incident. am i sowing bad seed too?
what shld i do? -
ruohoo97:
Emm...if my daughter then at about 19 can accept my wish, my husband, who is now close to 60, also can. We cannot be living with each other for more than 20 years and he doesn't know my 'inclination'...
what about your husband? Will he be willing to let you go?
However, I will not do it before my mum passes on.
Everyone deserves his / her own fulfilling route, and everyone can still live happily, with or without someone around.
PS:
I will not write too much about my husband else it maybe easier to 'trace' who is the REAL insider... (I think I actually know someone in this forum and so we may be in a 'suspecting' mode of who is who when reading...) -
chloecube:
Hi insider,
i have been readind a lot here about forgiving those who have hurt u and 放下. what about getting forgivness to forgive one self?
many yrs back, when i was still in my teenage, i ever done something (dun wish to elaborate) bad that i cannot even forgive myself and has been bothering me since then. if i recall correctly, it is coming 20 yrs now , but i still cannot fully let go of the incident. am i sowing bad seed too?
what shld i do?
Emm...
Whatever over is OVER.
Don't harp over it.
Know the mistake and don't repeat the same mistake else negative karma will visit in multiplying effect (一错再错 and 明知故犯 of course will incur negative karma in multiplying effect as compare to those who commit mistake 'innocently', such as that of I smuggled opium with my mum when I was young.)
If the negative karma has to hit, let it hit and take it squarely (don't blame and then negative karma will appear lesser).
Be kind in order to 'repent more efficiently'.
Please don't live in the past, live NOW and for a better tmr...
永远不要去烦那些你改变不了的事，else it's just plain 自寻烦恼.
PS:
This is the same way that we will be teaching our kids. They may make mistake, then we advise them to learn from it and move on instead of keep harping over it. Harping = negative energy = not doing anybody any good = better don't do... -
I would like to ask if a woman with 断掌 (in palmistry one straight line across palm), will she really have a short life as predicted?
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Hi Insider 姐,
Alot of my friends and colleagues got the Master to choose an auspicious name for their children or they count the number of strokes of the names themselves. I was wondering if the effect is similar to using 风水 to 改运? Thanks -
Evermeet:
Yes,that is the 签 i refered to.Sometx accurate,sometx not....vinegar:
insider,
Shld we believe in 求签?
Sometx,it turns up to be very accurate. Many yrs ago,my mum 求签 for my father who was hospitalized, the 签 was 下下签, said my father has 血光灾, at the end,he really passed away fr. heart attack n the operations caused him lost a lot of blood.
Many yrs ago,when i went to 求签, i got a 下下签, the temple man explained that 下下签 doesn't mean it is bad.He also said Bad things happen now and then for good purposes.Indeed i was very 坏运气 for some times......till i met my DH.
Out of curiosity, is the 签 from the guanyin temple at bugis?
But I've not 求签 for many yrs.....coz if turn out to be good 签,but later doesn't turn out to be good,will be disappointed.If turn out to be 下下签,later keep worrying also. :scratchhead: -
PART 2 – dolphinsiah
You seem to have very little faith and trust in people and somehow you were ‘built’ to think that you have to depend on yourself instead of depending on others when in fact, we can live in a way of 互相扶持, which is what family is meant to be.
You got that ‘Qi’ from your childhood – to be highly independent.
Then you attracted your husband whom I believe thought that you are really independent. Somehow I believe originally he might have wanted to support you, but you belong to that kind who replied him, “No need. No need. I can manage.”
So, he left you to fend for yourself and it became a habit. (I have said before if your spouse wants to buy you things, you say your Thank You and accept it. If you reject, then sorry, this amount of money will still go out to do other things to others’ benefits and not yours.)
Then, you started to ‘grumble’ (might not be verbally but ‘action wise’.)
Then, he got annoyed.
Then, you grumbled somehow.
Then, he ignored you and became even worst.
So, you were likely the one who initiated the ‘can leave me alone’ attitude of your late husband.
You seem unable to trust anybody, feeling highly insecured and carrying fears of many ‘what ifs’. It might be due to your childhood and then further compounded by your late husband. You couldn’t trust your own family, couldn’t trust your husband, and now you also don’t seem to trust your children.
You seem to have a lot of doubts of whether your children can make it in life next time and you have to do this and that planning of living behind the condo for them, etc.
Dolphinsiah, if you can get your children to say to you that they can start to see some of the goodness in their dad, I can assure you that they will be fine in the future.
You really don’t need to plan to leave anything behind for them (oh, please, they 有手有脚. They have their own life path to travel. Take good care of yourself and STOP WORRYING for them!).
Don’t need to cling on to that condo. Go sell it and downgrade to a 5-room HDB (to be fully paid). Explain to your kids that you don’t want to feel troubled by money. Go and renovate your HDB nicely and all live in it comfortably. Use the spare cash to get little luxury of life. Go pamper yourself and go holidays with your kids (do it reasonably).
Life’s is really short. Really no point sitting in a condo but then live relatively poorly. While we have to plan for the future, the present is as important if not more important than the future. You should know, every second of life passes by and it will not return and so you should not be living a life too poorly else you cannot answer to your ‘soul’.
Another reason that I encourage you to sell your condo is I feel your late husband, by leaving behind the condo TOTALLY for you, he might have expected you to sell it off to support his kids while his other will money is meant for the kids when they turn 21. But somehow you choose to hang on to the condo while receiving almost like nothing from the will money that leads you to start sweating. If that is your late husband’s intention, then he must be jumping high and low if he can ‘see’ his family from ‘the other side’.
And please, stop talking to your children about the ‘division’ of assets, about if they want, they need to buy from you half share or whatsoever. It is absolutely not necessary at this point. We don’t plant such kind of ‘calculative seeds’ into our kiddos. If you bring them up well enough, you will be given without the need to ask. If your bring them up well enough, they may even waive the half share of the inheritance of the condo to you without asking YOU to pay for it.
As mothers, we have to love them unconditionally and they shall return the same. You have to keep your cool and check your own sense of insecurity else you will rub all these onto your children which is highly unhealthy.
Emmm… if you are taking two meals per day is because you want to stay fit, then it’s ok. BUT if you do that coz you want to save money，you may have sown very very bad seeding in your kids. We would never want to make another person, esp someone whom we love, to feel 内疚 coz 内疚 is very negative energy and you may have set him/her up for unnecessary obstacles ahead with these feelings (心有内疚 = 业障 = 不顺利). Please go eat well if your intention is not to stay fit.
The whole thing therefore still boils down to your own well being.
You need to eat well, dress well, mingle well with friends, and live well.
You need to be ENJOYING LIFE and SHINE. (oh, come on, you CAN!)
Stop thinking about ‘suffering alone’ and start to think about ‘ENJOYING TOGETHER!’.
Then, your kids have a very high chance to follow your positive footsteps. As said, I use everyone in my family to generate positive Qi naturally and I don’t need to depend on Fengshui. This thing can be done and so you may want to seriously think about it.
Please go rethink about the purpose of you holding on to that condo.
Best wishes…
PS:
dolphinsiah, I don’t have the full picture of your relationship with your husband and so my advice will be quite ‘surface’ in a sense. You digest a bit here and there and see where you can apply. The most important thing to me is to ‘save’ your kids and it always have to start from you…
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