桃花谈
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Just wondering how our attitude should be towards those 欺善怕恶 type of people. I witness a colleague treating a fellow foreign colleague so rudely and all smiles to us the next min and even commenting that the foreign colleague is a waste of resources here. Human nature and relationships are the most difficult to understand
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kwk9060:
Money, just like 'smoothness' of one's life, comes in a 'cycle', usually averaged out 10 years per cycle, meaning if one can live up to 80 years, he will have to go through about 8 cycles in total.
It happen again, managed to clear some credit card o/s with DH's bonus and the washing machine broke down....have to spend $ to get a new one. Than a relative from overseas visit unexpectedly, spend for his hotel accommodation..... :moneyflies: again.....
The 8 cycles can come in a combination of the signs and can be in any order. Example:
+ + + + - - - -
+ + - - - - + -
- - - - - - - -
+ + + + + + + + -.
It is unlikely that one will go through straight pluses or straight minuses. Usually will + +, + - , - +, etc, meaning we have to save some during our plus time and bite tongue when we are in the negative. The TIME, whether a plus or a minus, will come eventually.
You may want to see roughly from when you start to experience your 'negative money bowl'. If it is in 1994, then the last stage of the cycle will end in around 2003. If in 2004, you still experience the same, then you may have to go through another similar cycle. (note, even within that 10 years cycle, there will be also minor pluses and minuses in each year but the overall net will determine the outcome of each cycle.)
It does seem like your money bowl is small at this moment, that any probable excess will find it's way out. (anyway, not a bad thing to still have money to buy a new washing machine.)
If your 'hunch' is really such that you cannot save money, then maybe you should just spend them off to buy something that you always want to do with it (give allowance to your parents, buy yourself a more expensive bag? attending a course that you wanted? go for holidays? etc) before the money anyhow find a means to flow out against your will. Perhaps you can try this for one or two times - go and spend the money you really want it and then to 'test' whether it will flow back in other ways (for me, this always works somehow; that when I 'give' (by spending), it will come back; sometimes in multiple folds. Remark: sounds like CHC's preaching right? heeheehee...)
I am not sure whether trying to tie the money in a fixed deposit or park it in perhaps CPF will help you to keep the money or not. By doing either of these may signify to the 'element' that you have no liquid money and so perhaps the 'hole' will not come and find you to bleed your pocket. Maybe you can try first with fixed deposit and if this still cant work (that you hv to break the fixed deposit to fund something), then maybe try on CPF (for retirement fund sake).
As mentioned in some of my earlier posts, do maintain 和气 in your house. Minimise screaming and shouting and scolding and 'internal grumbling' coz that will improve the 财气 for everyone in the house. As also said we cant really do much to the 命 that we were all born with, but we can definitely change it by creating more positive elements for ourselves by just being a better person.
Money, many times is the tighter you wanna hold it, the quicker you may see it disappear...
Honestly, if one is not to the extent of 穷到没有饭吃, one should not be too worried about money...
PS:
I guess you and hubby carry smart phone or something similar = life is quite good oredi coz to me those are considered 'luxurious' items (I carry one of the simplest phones that one can find in the market).
Share a short recent story:
I have a 'poor' woman who works for me (a non-teaching staff). She complained about marrying a husband who is not working and she has a 3 years old child. She complained about always 'money not enough' and asking for further discount on school fees that she has to paid for her child (when the child is already having a 50% off school fees, more than other staff).
One day I met her at the bus stop and saw her child playing with her smart phone. So I advised her not to let the young child play coz that's very damaging for mental development (and subsequently all the neck pain issues when the child grows up a 低头族）. Then she said if she doesnt give the child the phone, the child will wail. Then I fished out my little humble phone, showed her, and told her that change to a phone like mine and there'll be no more wailings.
She looked at my phone and paused for a while and said, \"but everybody is having a smartphone and I don't wanna deprive my child from the experience...\"
Hahaha...what can you learn from this 'poor' woman?? -
Dekora:
Just wondering how our attitude should be towards those 欺善怕恶 type of people. I witness a colleague treating a fellow foreign colleague so rudely and all smiles to us the next min and even commenting that the foreign colleague is a waste of resources here. Human nature and relationships are the most difficult to understand
Attitude is to 敷衍 coz people like this can never be trusted.
For me, I don't even wanna talk to this kind of people coz if I 'friend' her, I may be seen to condone her behaviour.
Cold shoulders maybe what this kind of people will get from me (and I may tell this type of people off indirectly or directly) if she bullies the weaker ones.
If everyone can stand straight up, this kind of 墙边草 will not last long (meaning the problem is no one dares to be the 'bad guy' to point out her 虚伪 and therefore allowing her to continue her bad behaviour. So, while you may have the 仁, that you feel bad about the colleague who is being bullied, you lack the 勇 to protect her from the 'bullier' = 假仁......). -
Insider, I can indentify with the ‘poor woman’ with the smart phone. That’s why in life there are wise folks and not so wise folks.
Her priority and reasoning may seem off to some of us. Sometimes owning a material possession is to keep up with the Joneses, but I think in this case it could be a form of compensation. She feels that she is already deprieved or given the short end of a stick in life (just her bad luck in getting a husband who can’t provide) so die die she must also own what others have in order to feel normal or that she can.
By doing so, her priorities in choice of phone, and justification (so her child also has) seemed skewed.
That’s why only the truly emotionally secure and financially comfortable ones with nothing to prove, live simply with minimal possession. -
Hi insider,
This is what I took away from the story.
Sometimes when we think we are depriving our kids, so we give them certain "luxury" or extra help, we are causing them more harm.
There’s always a solution, but we might not always use the solution for whatever reasons and so we continue to "suffer" unnecessarily".
We have different blind spots. I’m not hung up abt material stuff. It’s not becos I can buy whatever I want. I’m just not into them. My blind spot is education. So far my "sufferings" is caused by education heehee. -
SAHM_TAN:
Parents tend to 拔苗助长？Hi insider,
This is what I took away from the story.
Sometimes when we think we are depriving our kids, so we give them certain \"luxury\" or extra help, we are causing them more harm.
There's always a solution, but we might not always use the solution for whatever reasons and so we continue to \"suffer\" unnecessarily\".
We have different blind spots. I'm not hung up abt material stuff. It's not becos I can buy whatever I want. I'm just not into them. My blind spot is education. So far my \"sufferings\" is caused by education heehee. -
Imami:
You may not cause an accident, but your speed might change the consequences of an accident should another car cut into your path or hit you causing you to lose control.ammonite:
An experienced driver knows that there are many factors at play on the road than just his own level of skill.
Definitely. It is just looking at things on the surface to decide that speed is the reason for accidents on the road.
Losing control of a car at 60km/h and that for a car at 130km/hr can have very different results.. -
insider:
Dekora:
Just wondering how our attitude should be towards those 欺善怕恶 type of people. I witness a colleague treating a fellow foreign colleague so rudely and all smiles to us the next min and even commenting that the foreign colleague is a waste of resources here. Human nature and relationships are the most difficult to understand
Attitude is to 敷衍 coz people like this can never be trusted.
For me, I don't even wanna talk to this kind of people coz if I 'friend' her, I may be seen to condone her behaviour.
Cold shoulders maybe what this kind of people will get from me (and I may tell this type of people off indirectly or directly) if she bullies the weaker ones.
If everyone can stand straight up, this kind of 墙边草 will not last long (meaning the problem is no one dares to be the 'bad guy' to point out her 虚伪 and therefore allowing her to continue her bad behaviour. So, while you may have the 仁, that you feel bad about the colleague who is being bullied, you lack the 勇 to protect her from the 'bullier' = 假仁......).
Yes, I agree that I didn't had the 勇 at that time to stand up for my colleague and this incident made me reflect on my own actions to. Especially what sort of role model I am setting to my kid. But now I know if I were to encounter any of this such incident, I am clear what I will do. -
Dekora:
Yes, I agree that I didn't had the 勇 at that time to stand up for my colleague and this incident made me reflect on my own actions to. Especially what sort of role model I am setting to my kid. But now I know if I were to encounter any of this such incident, I am clear what I will do.
知错近乎勇。
I am surrounded by mostly if not all Good people.
It seems like those bad ones will shy away from me somehow. Currently, there's not even a 'bad' staff in my centres (imagine what a joy it will be to work in this kind of cordial environment). No one backstabbing, no one politicking, no one sulks over work, etc. Everyday hee-hee-ha-ha despite working in childcare is not a joke.
So, it's what a person is like will attract similar kind of people.
With this concept, it is therefore quite clear that we need to train our kids to be Good people else may attract all kinds of 小人 that give them higher chance to land themselves in troubles... -
limlim:
You may not cause an accident, but your speed might change the consequences of an accident should another car cut into your path or hit you causing you to lose control.Imami:
[quote=\"ammonite\"]An experienced driver knows that there are many factors at play on the road than just his own level of skill.
Definitely. It is just looking at things on the surface to decide that speed is the reason for accidents on the road.
Losing control of a car at 60km/h and that for a car at 130km/hr can have very different results..[/quote]I find this little exchange here quite interesting coz it touches on one of my 'guiding principles' - that I will not give 'extra' advice to people whom I think they should know what they are doing.
In this case is imami talked about she speeding, then others chipped in to warn her of the danger of speeding.
To me, I will not 'advise' coz I believe she knows what she is doing and therefore 'advice' may either make her or myself look stupid. It is quite impossible for her not to understand the danger of speeding and therefore, they must be a reason when she speeds.
But others may not feel the same, that they may feel that this kind of thing needs to 'remind' else the other party may not know.
I relate this 'advice' thing back to my own kids, that I will not dish them advice, such as 'cross the road carefully', 'be careful, the soup is hot', 'must remember to eat', \"don't have pre-marital sex\", etc, at all. To me, this is a bit like 'nagging' (from habit) even though every word of it means well. So big oredi still don't know must cross road carefully, take care of hot soup, etc, then it'll really be a failure of my parenting...
PS:
I have a very responsible staff. She is in her mid twenties. Whenever there's any school outing, she will be like the 'mother hen' going around to remind other teachers must remember to bring this and that.
I summoned her to my office.
I told her after instructions have been given, she doesn't need to remind them anymore. Any teachers who forget anything need to bear own consequences.
Then I asked her, \"What's your mum like huh?\"
Then she laughed, \"My mum is like me lor, always like to remind everybody about this and that.\"
I told her she is only so young and therefore have to kick the 'nagging' habit as fast as possible, else her hair may turn grey earlier...
The difference between a 'reminder' and a 'nag - really just a fine line...
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