Failing relationship with Son

[iFirefly]

mummy OnABudget:

Difference now is i got a man behind me who is my silent listener who let me rants all i want and when i done all he say is baby u can do it jia you and that is what that has been keeping me going.

Am I right to say that you have a Boyfriend now? Umm.. Could this be the reason why your DS has been behaving this way towards you??

You may hate your ex-hubby, but that does not mean your DS will follow you and hate his Papa.. On the contrary, your DS may still love his Papa very much.. You know, such Papa-Son bond is stronger than you could imagine..

I may be wrong.. Just a point for you to ponder..

[smartmummy]

firefly38:

mummy OnABudget:

Difference now is i got a man behind me who is my silent listener who let me rants all i want and when i done all he say is baby u can do it jia you and that is what that has been keeping me going.

Am I right to say that you have a Boyfriend now? Umm.. Could this be the reason why your DS has been behaving this way towards you?? You may hate your ex-hubby, but that does not mean your DS will follow you and hate his Papa.. On the contrary, your DS may still love his Papa very much.. You know, such Papa-Son bond is stronger than you could imagine..

I may be wrong.. Just a point for you to ponder..

I suspect too that his bonding with his father is strong.but the father doesn't seemsthat he has that now.If he love the boy he cannot reject to answer or reject to help.May be his current family deny him to do that.From her sharings, she divorced 2005 and remarried 2009.when they divorced this boy 5yrs old.

[mummy OnABudget]

like i stated earlier i have remarried 4yrs after my hyubby left the family in shambles i move on.


I have never said anything bad about his father to him i still try to call that idiot to ask him to pls talk to his son all i get from him is not my business erzhi is urs u go handle this is what a wonderful father is he.

i even stop my family members from saying anything negative about my ex infront of the children, he was never there when my boy was growing up and yet i dont know why ds is holding on to him.

[Jennifer]

mummy OnABudget:

he was never there when my boy was growing up and yet i dont know why ds is holding on to him.

Hope the IMH assessment will give you an answer soon.

[hquek]

mummy OnABudget:

like i stated earlier i have remarried 4yrs after my hyubby left the family in shambles i move on.


I have never said anything bad about his father to him i still try to call that idiot to ask him to pls talk to his son all i get from him is not my business erzhi is urs u go handle this is what a wonderful father is he.

i even stop my family members from saying anything negative about my ex infront of the children, he was never there when my boy was growing up and yet i dont know why ds is holding on to him.

it's great that you didn't bad mouth the father. And no matter what, I think all pp will want to cling on to their roots. If your son had seen his father's FB profile and see how happy he is with his current family, I'm sure he will yearn for that his bio dad to love him just as much. The rejection could be very hard to bear.

It's good that your current hubby takes good care of your kids, but it's just not the same. I think your son will have to work out his feelings and grow from this rejection.

Sorry to say, but I agree, the bio dad is an idiot and a jerk - BIGTIME.

[mummy OnABudget]

hquek:

it's great that you didn't bad mouth the father. And no matter what, I think all pp will want to cling on to their roots. If your son had seen his father's FB profile and see how happy he is with his current family, I'm sure he will yearn for that his bio dad to love him just as much. The rejection could be very hard to bear.

It's good that your current hubby takes good care of your kids, but it's just not the same. I think your son will have to work out his feelings and grow from this rejection.

Sorry to say, but I agree, the bio dad is an idiot and a jerk - BIGTIME.

yeah its nt the same i know he has to learn to let go but he is only 12 its nt easy.

i am tnakful that dd is nto affected at all if not it isd going to be much harder.

but i guess whatever it is to his family i am now the biggest jerk cause i have stop the cny vist rather then being made to feel unwelcome i rather not go at all.

And guess what that jerk n idiot plus his family is all hopeless like for cny last yr they gave boy $20 for ang pow gave dd $8 see the diffrence i dont know what they are trying to do.

[hquek]

hee, the talk I was mentioning tonight is on problems faced by kids when growing up. See if got chance, I will try to broach the question with the speaker (but don't hold your breath, I quite shy one).


Perhaps it may be good to sever ties if they are not particularly keen on seeing your kids. it could be double trauma if the father's other family is there and your kids witness a difference in the way they are being treated. For the angbao, just take it they give wrong packet...no point pondering on it.

With your kids, or rather with your son, I would focus on just chatting with him - not interrogating. Build up a picture of what he want his future to be and help him work towards it. no point screaming at him or scolding him. He may be indulging in his youthful folly at this time - if we take it too seriously, it could injure his pride. Show that you love him (not by pandering to him but rather show attention to him and caring for him).

btw, I don't know the full story, just piecing bits and pieces based on what I read/learnt from books etc. Sorry if I misfired.

[Flowermonaster]

mummy OnABudget:

but i guess whatever it is to his family i am now the biggest jerk cause i have stop the cny vist rather then being made to feel unwelcome i rather not go at all.

And guess what that jerk n idiot plus his family is all hopeless like for cny last yr they gave boy $20 for ang pow gave dd $8 see the diffrence i dont know what they are trying to do.

How your DS feels about you not bringing them to visit his paternity relatives during CNY? Was he looking forward to it every year? Could it be affecting him when you didn't bring him this year? Sometimes we still need to bring the kids for CNY visit even though you dont feel welcome by them. Your DS might think you are depriving him or worst trying to break his ties with his father's side.

[mummy OnABudget]

Flowermonaster:

How your DS feels about you not bringing them to visit his paternity relatives during CNY? Was he looking forward to it every year? Could it be affecting him when you didn't bring him this year? Sometimes we still need to bring the kids for CNY visit even though you dont feel welcome by them. Your DS might think you are depriving him or worst trying to break his ties with his father's side.

The thing is the KIDS are the one who do not want to go, ds said nainai house is dirty and smelly ( which is true cause no one cleans) and even if i go he will not even talk to me so go for what.

As for dd she said she only got 1 daddy n no nainai ( current hubby is a orphan).

They want to go they can just ask i will let them go no question ask i respect their decision.

is too late nw even if my inlaws want to mend anything be it with me or with the kids, when they told me to divorce my hubby and ask thier own youngest son to divorce his wife so as to let my ex n the woman be married to each other they have with their 2 pair of dirty hands and weird mindset destroyed the whole family.

[Nebbermind]

mummy OnABudget:

is too late nw even if my inlaws want to mend anything be it with me or with the kids, when they told me to divorce my hubby and ask thier own youngest son to divorce his wife so as to let my ex n the woman be married to each other they have with their 2 pair of dirty hands and weird mindset destroyed the whole family.

Yes, indeed a very strange and awkward situation u have there...how can someone even face his own bro after that??!!