Middle Child

[millan]

Hi all,


Would like to see to anyone has issues handling the middle kid.

I have 4 kids. 2 boys (1st and 2nd ) and 2 girls. I notice my elder girl (9 yr old)has behavioral problems. She does not get along with the brothers and they like to pick on her . Sometimes the youngest girl will even ganged up to bully her.

What I cld see is that she is demanding, insists her own way in doing things, expecting others to follow her way. And when she sees others not following what she wants, she get agitated and insist others to follow what she says.


When she is not angry, she can be sweet, naive and caring. But when she is angry, she is rude , shouting and stamping feet, rollings her eyes until you can only see the white portion.

When U repimand her, she will argue and insist that she wants to be respected.

I have to say my 2 boys are rather mischievious and like to tease her and pick. But they still know their boundaries but this girl somehow doesn't..

Is this a typical middle child who is the one that usually been neglected?
Anyone has sunch encounter? :?:

[wiimum]

I guess she is sandwiched between them and probably feels the need to assert her rights. But she may not know how to do it and end up being the bossy one and dislike by the rest. I notice that in my daughter too. I try spending time with her alone and praise her where applicable, especially when she is not aggressive. Giving her a little more attention and love helps. It is quite difficult being a middle child with others "ganged" up against her.

[millan]

wiimum:

I guess she is sandwiched between them and probably feels the need to assert her rights. But she may not know how to do it and end up being the bossy one and dislike by the rest. I notice that in my daughter too. I try spending time with her alone and praise her where applicable, especially when she is not aggressive. Giving her a little more attention and love helps. It is quite difficult being a middle child with others \"ganged\" up against her.

Problem is almost every day she will have things to fuss abt. Early this morning, complaining that I fail to buy her school shoes with lace and snatch the brother's socks to wear... Crying and whining abt the incident before going to school. This is also what others dislke her abt, wanting every thing her own way. Among the kids, she is the most rude... really dun know what to do with her...

[joconde]

Hi Millan,


Looks like ur girls is suffering from the so-called 'third child syndrome',

I'm also a third child and behaved exactly like this when i was this age. I'm always at loggerheads with my family and always feeling bitter, all throughout my growing up years.

I think what you can do is to give her plenty of private space. But be careful not to always give in to her unreasonable demands, or you'll end up with a wilful child.

Perhaps this book may help : http://www.aforattitude.com.au/aforattitude_book.cfm
This is an inspirational book for children and guides them on how to manage their own emotions. It's available at the library.

Your girl is also probably not good at expressing her feelings, therefore a lot of frustration is built up inside her that she has to vent it out by throwing her temper. It could be that she doesn't know how to speak up her problem, or that no one is listening to her.

[millan]

joconde:

Hi Millan,


Looks like ur girls is suffering from the so-called 'third child syndrome',

I'm also a third child and behaved exactly like this when i was this age. I'm always at loggerheads with my family and always feeling bitter, all throughout my growing up years.

I think what you can do is to give her plenty of private space. But be careful not to always give in to her unreasonable demands, or you'll end up with a wilful child.

Perhaps this book may help : http://www.aforattitude.com.au/aforattitude_book.cfm
This is an inspirational book for children and guides them on how to manage their own emotions. It's available at the library.

Your girl is also probably not good at expressing her feelings, therefore a lot of frustration is built up inside her that she has to vent it out by throwing her temper. It could be that she doesn't know how to speak up her problem, or that no one is listening to her.

Hi,

So how did you outgrow yourself?

She keep saying that she wants others to respect her. But she is not doing the same.

She wants to take public bus at P3 where I only allow the boys when they were P4 and she will demand an answer as to why she cannot... she dun accept my explanation.

Which is why when times that I really cannot tahan her, I have to use cane then she will stop. But it does not mean she accepts..

[yap_susan]

Hi,

Can any parents out there share their struggles with middle child?

[smartmummy]

Don't believe in any syndrome.All the kids need our attention.If u give attention and spend more time with ur child and more importantly u believe in ur child that she/he is a normal child.Every child is different.Learn the child is the best way to develope the child.

For me,in nursery the T suspect my DD2 socially mute.But i believe my child is not and I know better than T.In the end of that year she danced in the stage with her class and she danced well.Everyone appreciated that danced well.
Good Luck!
I just wanted to know about syndrome so I googled it
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/14335112/ns/today-parenting/t/what-are-effects-middle-child-syndrome/
http://middlechildpersonality.com/middle-child-syndrome/
I read up.very useful websites.

[smartmummy]

After i read I understood about the syndrome.My sister has three kids.The middle one always worry and thought the parents were not fair with him.Lukily,he told to his grandma.Then gma told to his mom.He is very quite and considerable person.Now he is doing Engineering course.

[UncleLim]

yap_susan:

Hi,

Can any parents out there share their struggles with middle child?

It is an everyday struggle for us with our middle one.

[DesertWind]

I am a middle-child, sandwiched between two brothers. I can testify that parents need to be very careful not to neglect the middle-child. Because focus is always either on the eldest child or the youngest child. The middle one somehow although parents know he/she is there but like blind-spot like this.


I remembered one incident from young until now. One day all 3 of us siblings were sitted at the dining table. My mother has got one chicken with 2 drumsticks on the table and she was chatting away. One drumstick was to be given to my father and the other which one of us should eat? Then my mother said since the last time big koko already eaten, it is the youngest didi’s turn to eat! I was shocked because the problem was the last time big koko get to eat because didi has previously eaten too. So this time should be my turn! Like a light-bulb lidda this question came up in me: "What about me?"

I must be in lower primary only but this forms my life-long memory until now, the middle-child syndrome! Hee…hee…!