All About Autism
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Thanks slmkhoo,
My son introvert type. Ya, I was very apprehensive about sending him to the kids club. But he keep saying he wanted to go, so I let him. I was even checking and stalking him after 1 hour to ensure he is not left behind.
Ya I guessed I wasn’t prepared about the teasing part. Cos I thought usually he wont get any attention and people will leave him alone. Anyway lesson learnt.
Yup the "die" word is pretty new in his dictionary. Yup, maybe I will ask him if he really want all his friends to die etc…and tell him its not nice to say things like that. -
nugget
sorry to hear about the bad encounter. But I hope you had good moments too during your holiday.
Call me one over-protective mum, but I will not let my ASD doter into a new environment without us unless I am confident there is sufficient care for her, eg. my elder gals can take care of her, or that there are adult supervisors who are familiar with her care giving. Cos the thought of her being left helpless or left alone or worse still being bullied is really too much for me to bear.
But slowly I am beginning also to let her venture out, eg. going to the IKEA playground with my two elder gals for an hour without us, or letting her go on excursions with her school without us. I guess it will take some time before we will ever let her venture out alone.
Maybe besides telling your son about being a good boy and going to school feeling happy, you may like to try telling him the reasons that he can feel happy about going to school, eg. playing with favorite toys, reading favorite books, seeing favorite friends or teachers. I have been teaching my doter about why-because logic, and when I teach her about being brave I tell her why she is brave and what she has done to qualify her being a brave girl. In a way, I think certain things which are plain obvious to us may not be as intuitive to them. Its also a good way to teach critical thinking. Two cents worth. -
BTW my doter doesn't use the word 'die' but at one stage she used the word 'coocoo bird' a lot. :oops:
Actually in itself and literally there is nothing wrong with the word cos there is really a bird called the cuckoo bird. But given its connotation, you can imagine how socially embarrassing that is. That's ASD, they don't know the social cues. :sad:
So I taught her that the word is a 'bad' word and she should not use it. My doter is very much motivated by doing what is 'correct' and what is 'good', and avoiding what is 'wrong' and what is 'bad'. So after a few embarrassing blurts and reinforcing to her about not using the word because it is 'bad', she somehow stopped using the word ...
I don't know whether this strategy works for your son but maybe another way is to teach him the appropriate words to use when he wants to express his displeasure about certain people. Hope this helps. -
ImMeeMee:
ImMeeMee,BTW my doter doesn't use the word 'die' but at one stage she used the word 'coocoo bird' a lot. :oops:
Actually in itself and literally there is nothing wrong with the word cos there is really a bird called the cuckoo bird. But given its connotation, you can imagine how socially embarrassing that is. That's ASD, they don't know the social cues. :sad:
So I taught her that the word is a 'bad' word and she should not use it. My doter is very much motivated by doing what is 'correct' and what is 'good', and avoiding what is 'wrong' and what is 'bad'. So after a few embarrassing blurts and reinforcing to her about not using the word because it is 'bad', she somehow stopped using the word ...
I don't know whether this strategy works for your son but maybe another way is to teach him the appropriate words to use when he wants to express his displeasure about certain people. Hope this helps.
Thanks for your suggestions. I will applied them at home tonight. They reasoning with them \"Why\" is good. Usually I just tell him \"You must go to school because no one is looking after you\" etc etc.. Maybe I should try another approach telling him about what he can do in school etc.
Yes, after drawing him out from kid's club, I kept him by my side. We did have a good time
Thats why now he doesnt want to go to school and he say we will go back to the resort next week. Funny guy..
But you are right about letting go part. Sigh.. At some point, we need to let them try out things on their own. I am always worrying about him. -
nugget:
yeah, my doter has also been telling me that she wants to go back to the place that we just holidayed in. But lucky me she didn't throw a tantrum when going back to school. We just told her that we will go someday and she accepts that. Maybe another thing to do is to go for other outings during weekends so that family fun outings become a regular feature and it does not appear too roller coaster for the child in terms of emotional regulation? I don't know, just some thoughts.
ImMeeMee,
Thanks for your suggestions. I will applied them at home tonight. They reasoning with them \"Why\" is good. Usually I just tell him \"You must go to school because no one is looking after you\" etc etc.. Maybe I should try another approach telling him about what he can do in school etc.
Yes, after drawing him out from kid's club, I kept him by my side. We did have a good time
Thats why now he doesnt want to go to school and he say we will go back to the resort next week. Funny guy..
But you are right about letting go part. Sigh.. At some point, we need to let them try out things on their own. I am always worrying about him. -
ImMeeMee:
Lucky you, mine till today still throw tantrum when its time to go to school. I must break this chain before it become a regular bad habit.
yeah, my doter has also been telling me that she wants to go back to the place that we just holidayed in. But lucky me she didn't throw a tantrum when going back to school. We just told her that we will go someday and she accepts that. Maybe another thing to do is to go for other outings during weekends so that family fun outings become a regular feature and it does not appear too roller coaster for the child in terms of emotional regulation? I don't know, just some thoughts.
We have events lining up (parties, going to play gym, sentosa etc). But everytime come back, he will throw a fuss about not going to school. Even my NT boy after weekend (esp long weekends), usually fuss when going to school too. Sigh.. maybe it runs in the family. After long weekend/holiday I also don't feel like going to work. Haha. -
Break of routine. My boy is able to convey message by simple word. Maybe your boy not able to express his frustration? But then again, normal child also have this tantrum. I witness a normal girl vomited before going to school. The mother just instruct the helper, clean her and change her, move on. It should be a phrase I guess. Persevere on! Encourage him, I am sure he will bypass this phrase.
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This brought tears to my eyes...
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/mrbrown/turning-twelve-090136439.html#more-id
Turning Twelve
by mrbrown
A few days ago, my firstborn turned twelve.
Twelve years old: One cycle of the Chinese zodiac. The number of years it takes to make a single malt whiskey. The year for Primary School Leaving Examination.
Twelve years ago, my child was born. Sixteen years ago, my wife and I got married. And twenty-four years ago, my wife decided she would go steady with me.
Little did we know where our journey as a couple would take us. Little did we know of the challenges, and the joys, ahead.
But here we are. With three children. And the first one just turned twelve.
It wasn't what we envisaged for our firstborn, to be honest.
My wife looked forward to shopping for clothes with her. Maybe pick out some nice dresses together. Maybe argue over things like whether she is allowed to wear makeup or have her ears pierced.
Or maybe fret over her exams. How she is doing well in English but just getting by with Maths. Or whether all those hours she spends on the phone with her best friend was affecting her studies.
Or perhaps we are worrying over her time spent on the computer, on Facebook, on Twitter, on WeChat, or whatever new social media thing that young people now use to communicate. And wondering if there are any boys in her friend lists.
And maybe, for her twelfth birthday, there is this big party, and she is allowed to invite all her friends from school. They have fruit punch, play games, exchange presents. And music from Justin Bieber, One Direction and Owl City is played loudly.
And perhaps as a gift, we take her to Demi Lovato's first one-night concert at Hard Rock Hotel at Resorts World Sentosa on Monday night. And like cranky parents, complain on our own Facebook when Lovato takes more than an hour to start the concert.
None of these things happened on the day my oldest daughter turned twelve. Faith has autism, a fairly serious form of it, which we have known since she turned two.
She does not have spoken language (we like to say, YET). She still has some problems with toilet training. And her senses often cannot deal with her surroundings and she needs to shut down or find a behaviour to cope with the overload. Her progress through life, to even grasp the most fundamental and practical aspects of daily living, will be long and arduous.
But she is the sweetest girl ever. Not a mean bone in her body, always with a ready smile and an awkward wet kiss for a familiar loved one. She loves going to Special School.
And lately, she has even shown signs of teenhood. She is no longer a baby or a toddler. She is growing into a tall lithesome young lady with long lanky legs that love to run (sometimes at the most inappropriate moments).
She loves teeny pop music and dances and laughingly jumps to it. She rejected a pair of black shoes my wife gave her to wear, picking out her pink shoes instead. She likes to go out more, and puts on her shoes to indicate it.
Twelve years old. My Faith is twelve. She has never called us Papa and Mommy before but she doesn't need to. We know she knows who we are in her life, and we will be her family for the rest of our lives, even if she never says those words ever. -
The year when my daughter turned 12, we had our first mother-daughter conversation. She has language processing issues as well and found it difficult to express herself. Most times we just talk at each other.
I still remember that day. I had picked her up from grandma’s place and we were walking to the bus-stop. I was asking about her day. Her usual answer is "good", "ok" and I guess that’s about it. But that day, she spoke to me about her future, her dreams. She wanted to be an Occupational Therapist. I asked her why? She replied, "I want to be like F (her OT at that time) so that when I grow up, I can help others just like me."
I teared after hearing that. Gives me hope that she will be alright. -
Yes,I read the write-up by Mr Brown too. In fact, I follow his stories on Faith.
tabgha, how old is your daughter? So sensible of her to aspire to be an OT to help others with similar conditions. Hope her aspiration will become a reality.
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