manorway\" post_id=\"2131404\" time=\"1711478342\" user_id=\"9303:

Running own business is definitely more chaIlenging than being employed. I have done both and I am also surrounded by many business owners friends and relatives. When we are employed, we can stop worrying about our job after office hours. We can quit and just join another company. Business owners have a lot more at stake and some wrong decisions can tank the business. Unless one has diverse skillset, it is a very steep learning curve.

While I don't think everyone is cut out to do own business, I think it is a wonderful experience to try. Especially when they are still young, they can afford to fail.

I agree. A lot more is at stake when you are running your own business. If it works out, great, if not, it is not just losing a job, you may be losing your investment. You are responsible not only for your own role like when you are an employee but you are responsible for your employees since their employment is dependent on your business continuity. To wind up a business, it is not as simple as giving 30 or 60 days notice and move on.

I will encourage youngsters to go into their own business only if they are really interested or passionate about what they can offer or they have a niche. But if they are thinking to go into business cos they think it is better or easier than working for others, then I will tell them get real.

I do scold my kids and DD is the one who gets most of the scolding. I hardly spank either of them and only DD tasted the cane and that was only once. For me, caning or spanking is reserved for serious misbehaviour or actions that put themselves of people around them in danger. DD was caned because she cheated in a school test, think she was about 9 or 10yrs old. The caning was not done in a spur if the moment but something that we talked through with her and told her that will be her punishment and we explained why. We even had to go buy a cane specifically for that because we do not have any canes at home. It was just 1 stroke on her palm but she remembered that. DS remembers that too.


For DD and DS, we correct attitudes and behaviour but do not scold or punish for results. If results are bad due to poor attitude, it is the attitude that we address, not the results. Sometimes I wonder if I am able to say this because I do not have very high expectations for DD and DS where academics are concerned and both of them are not failing in anything. So I am able to not bother so much about results and just work on their attitude. But if they are failing I would have been stressed and may end up focusing more on the results than their attitude.

So for some of us, maybe we are fortunate enough to have kids who are 'easier' to parent than others. What works for us may not exactly work for others.

Nowadays so many types of parenting. Gentle parenting, respectful parenting, mindfulness parenting, etc.


At the end of the day there is no one single method that will work on all kids. Just take my 2 fellas will do. I have to use different methods with each of them and what works when they are 2 or 3yrs old may not work when they are 5 or 7yrs old and again we have to be flexible and adjust our methods as reach their tweens and teens and early adulthood. In my line of work, we also see kids who are really compliant and kids who are really defiant. Kids who respond well to reasoning and kids who need a really firm hand or they will push every single boundary. We have also seen parents starting out as gentle parenting with their 1 kid and cannot understand why it does not work with their other kid and end up falling back on old school parenting.

So cannot say totally don’t scold or cannot don’t scold, it all depends on how the child responds.

Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2130860\" time=\"1710743099\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2130860 time=1710743099 user_id=195250]
Thank you for your understanding. The word \"Brainwashing\" carries a very negative connotation on me. Of course, I and DH also have our redline on DS. We will never allow him to smoke or vaping, drug abuse, addicted to XXXXX, extravagant, stealing, cheating, etc....but for study, CCA, work, marriage, HDB house.....we will always respect his decision.

Actually for many elderly who are staying in nurse home or staying alone - have sons or daughters. So having kids does not mean they will take care of their parents. Some may go overseas or some may busy at work or their own family. :nailbite:[/quote]

I won't dispute that having children does not mean no nursing home and not passing away alone. But instead of it being an almost 100% possibility, if you have kids and raise them with the values that you want to impart, you have at least a 50% chance of your children being there with you especially during your last days.

Just like my close friend. Her mother and father divorced when she was still young. Her mother lived with her and passed away quite a few years ago. Her father lived on his own, they do meet up during festive seasons and holiday together. Recently he has been diagnosed with end stage cancer and given 3mths to live. All the children rallied together and are now spending as much time as possible with him.

Anyways, you have your believes, others have theirs. No one is saying what you believe is wrong but just sharing our opinions about trying to get kids to see both sides of the coin and as much as possible, influence them to choose the side that we feel is better for them.

To be honest, when in my 20s and after a few breakups, I had the thinking that being single is better than being with someone or marrying. I even had the thought that I do not need to have a partner to have kids, I can adopt if I really wanted kids. I felt that life will be a lot simpler if I do not have to consider or factor in another person in my decisions and daily life. My mum was pretty worried and nagged me about it, my dad did not approve of my lifestyle then. Eventually, I kinda got tired of that lifestyle and cupid struck so here I am married with kids and telling my kids rather similar stuff that leeyl is telling her girls. It is preferable to settle down and have a family, however if the partner does not work out for you, it is not the end of the road.

I think some readers may have taken the word brainwashing too literally. And also based on their own experience and relationship with their own parents, the word carries a very negative connotation for them.


Maybe advice, guide and influence may be terms that are more acceptable to them.

Most parents wish the best for their children. And what is best in their views is shaped by their own upbringing and experiences. Just like I have seen how isolating and lonely it can get for my uncle who is widowed and without any children. He could have been one of the statistics of elderly passing on in their own home without anyone knowing if not for his neighbours. His neighbours alerted us to his lack of activities and that was how we realised that he was ill and his health was deteriorating with poor diet, hygiene and also diminishing mental capabilities. He was assessed as unable to care for himself independently and we had to arrange for him to stay in a nursing home. This is a very highly likely scenario for someone who chooses to be single and not have children. So seeing this and personally being involved in making the arrangement for this uncle I will definitely want to try to steer my kids away from this outcome as much as possible.

When we were younger, my father was very strict but as we grew and matured, he knew to ease up, maybe with the confidence and assurance that his earlier strictness have already taken root and set us on a decent path. Some of us listened a lot more to him than others, me being the one who defied him the most, middle child syndrome I guess. He expressed his displeasure when I went against his wishes, some decisions worked out for me, some did not. He acknowledged those decision that I made that worked out for me but never rubbed my face in those that failed me. I’d like to think that I am guiding my own children with this same sensibility and hopefully they will have a happy and fulfilling live.

Maybe in my own way I am brainwashing my kids. I have a few cousins who are only child. Also have a few relatives who remained unmarried or were childless though I would say it was not by choice.


We were brought up in a very close knit family. So DD and DS saw how me, my sisters n our cousins got together to take care of our widowed n childless uncle and also how we pitched in to help another cousin whose father has been diagnosed with cancer. My widowed uncle has no one left except for us nieces n nephews. As much as we can pitch in n help, ultimately, our own family and parents will take precedence. If he had children then maybe he will not be so alone. As for my only child cousins, I did share with dd n ds, the stress is all on them, we cousins can pitch in here n there but how many families can be like that, especially given our society now, smaller families, people moving abroad or travel extensively for work. People may move back home for their ailing parents but how many will do that for an ailing relative.

There will be those who will say it’s ok, can have active social live, have lots of friends, but it’s still different, immediate family and friends.

I think the best that any parent can do is to try to meet our kids’ friends. Don’t have to be pally with them but at the very least try to have your kids bring their friends over a couple of times. DS told me about some of his friends and their vices, underage drinking, vaping, online g@mbling, sex, etc. And most of these were done in their own home right under their parents’ noses in fact their parents seem to condone it. Most will say these fellas are bad influence and bad character. But DS assured me that he knows not to follow their vices and just because they have some bad habits, that does not make them bad people. He did say he will avoid a couple of them cos they have such vices and will pressure others to join in in their vices. Those he says he avoids.


DD has matured a lot and I think now that she is able to manage her emotions better, she is picking better friends. Throughout her school life there has been many whom she thought were good friends but turned out to be Bitches with a capital B. DD is the kind who jumps in with 2 feet and will get into the thick of things, so she gravitated towards people who tend to be popular with lots of things happening around them and most are just fair weathered friends.

In any case, with both of them, I told them what other people’s parents allow their kids has got nothing to do with us. Each family have their own values and believes. Some may seem cool, others even draconian. That is for each family to navigate. I too believe that no one person is completely good or completely bad. There will be areas in which their values and believes resonate with us and areas that do not. So main thing is know where to draw the line. All these, they will only learn as they meet and encounter all sorts of people.

I was a ftwm so settling my newborn into a routine was important for me for when I go back to work. And at that time when I had DD, maternity leave was only 8 weeks. From the time that we got back from the hospital, I fixed her meal time, nap time and bedtime. Rest of the activities will have to be worked around those timings. Before she was 2yrs old, my parents helped me look after her and they understood and could see the merits of this method.


I know there are those in the ‘baby led’ camp, I lean towards the fixed routine camp. Sounds draconian but it makes life a lot simpler for working mums.

I do not see myself being a main babysitter for DD’s or DS’s kids since I am still running my business and do not see myself retiring anytime soon. Given the business that I am in though, DD and DS can enjoy free childcare if they want.

ChiefKiasu\" post_id=\"2130475\" time=\"1709947059\" user_id=\"3:

I finally got the egg boiler toy after so many days The English translation of the Chinese menu was gibberish. Anyway I tried the first program and got a hard boiled egg instead of my anticipated soft boiled runny egg. Failed. Sigh.

https://postimg.cc/7fWV3qTw

This might help. L2 is 1/2 boiled eggs.

In that case since I am surrounded by preschoolers everyday, I should feel super duper young.


Whatever your age, just keep an open mind. Try out some of the stuff that youngsters are into and understand some of the challenges those older than us are facing. Don't age yourself more than necessary but don't try to be a youngster either lah.

As for retirement age, for me personally, as an employer, so long as the employee is still able to perform his/her role and deliver on their KPIs, I tend to retain them on the same terms even if they are pass their retirement age. I have staff in their late 60s who deliver on their KPIs better than those in their 20s. If for whatever reason they are unable to deliver on their KPIs then we shall look at how we can adjust their roles and if the change warrants any adjustments to their remunerations. Of course all these have to be discussed and agreed upon and the staff have to be realistic as well. Cannot expect the same pay and benefits as before if your work has to be scaled back.