ammonite:

As a mother, I find this very strange. Maybe you can get a trusted female friend or relative to talk to her, or tell the psychologist to speak to her. I find it hard to believe that a psychologist would not point out the unusual dynamics if he or she should know of it.


By the way, psychiatrist or psychologist? Psychiatrists give out medication. Psychologists are more counseling and behavioral therapy. In my humble opinion as a layman and an outsider, I think you need a psychologist. If there is no improvement, I will change the psychologist to a more proactive one, especially with the gender tension and my spouse is not stepping up, putting me in a compromising position that does not help my child. at this sensitive age, you should also take steps to protect yourself from any unfounded accusations.

Sorry if I offend, but better be safe than sorry.... :imsorry:

ngl2010:

Hi. I think your daughter should learn how to check and handle her diapers. She should not depend on you as her daddy. When we (mothers here at KSP) were around her age, we had to learn handling our sanitary napkins for our period. It sure is different but she should start learning otherwise when will she learn? There will be mistakes but we have to learn from mistake.

My son is 11 years old and he is already shy going naked around me.

You are a wonderful father but you must let your daughter handle her diapers herself. I remember my late father said something that he should not have said about sexuality when I was 11 - 12 years old. He did not violate me but the bad impression (I only understood the meaning of what he said years later) etched in my mind until now.

Precisely, I'm worried about her mental development. I cannot possibly handle such a sensitive issue for her. I have decide to let her manage her diapers on her own. I feel that is the only option, and I'll see what happens from here. Thanks for the advice

Also, psychologist, not psychiatrist. Sorry for the dumb mistake. The psychologist was refered to me by a close friend.

Until now my daughter is still in diapers. The psychiatrist is monitoring the situation regularly and has said that its normal. Nevertheless I still tend to be worried, but her emotional well being seem to have improved.


I’m dissappointed with my wife though. I have discussed with her that our daughter is growing and that she needs to be more involve in looking after her, yet many times she just leave the checking and handling of the diapers to me.

Hi guys, I want to know your views on whether it is ok for me to change my daughter’s diaper.


I put on the diapers for her occasionally, when my wife is busy and when I change her diaper when she comes home from school, since she is at work.

I am concern about whether she feels okay with it, especially since she is reaching puberty, but she seems very comfortable with the current arrangement. She is still unwilling to put the diaper on for herself since she leaked badly the last time she tried it. Now got ‘phobia’.

I know this is a rather sensitive topic. I apologise in advance to those who may find this post inappropriate… I want honest opinion. Thank you!

ammonite:

Please don't. Cloth diapers can leak and they smell, especially after a few hours. Even if she changes, she will have to put it in her bag to bring home. It is going to stink in her bag. It will be a dead giveaway.


Even my preschooler who is much younger is embarrassed when he wets himself on rare occasions during deep sleep. It is so embarrassing for a 11 yr old girl. I will do all I can to help her protect her dignity in public and prevent any possible teasing in school (*kids can be very cruel*). I am actually a proponent of cloth diapers because they are more environmentally friendly, and used them for my children as much as possible. But in this case, I really think it is best to continue with the adult pull-up diapers, this kind of money cannot be saved.

Thanks for bringing up that point. Our daughter's emotional well being is our top priority. As you have mentioned, it could be best to stick with disposables for school. The worrying thing is that these diapers keep leaking, so we are looking for more effective alternatives.

What about for home use? I discovered that there are some new type of cloth with bamboo inside that have antibacterial properties that is more comfortable to the skin and can contain smell quite well. Also extremely absorbent and can save quite a sum of money in the long run. Would you recommend it?

Cloth diaper seems to be a viable option to save cost. I think online would be the best place to search for them, right? Got any brand to recommend?

Hi guys, I need your advice on this issue.


My DD is in diapers full-time now. However, it costs quite a bit to buy them, especially the pull-up diapers that she wear for daytime, as these are a lot more expensive than the usual tape-on type because they cost more and are less absorbent. My wife and I are thinking of keeping her in tape-on diapers for daytime as well, instead of the pull-ups so that we can cut cost and save a lot of money. Maybe the only exception is on days when she have PE in school, as the diaper would be very bulky under her shorts.

However, we feel that some minor problems could arise. First, the tape-on diapers is a lot less discreet than the pull-up. Also she would require somebody to change her diaper as she don’t know how to do so herself. Therefore there could be issues when she needs to be change in school, but the diaper should be able to last the whole school day as it is very absorbent. So I need your advice. DD most probably won’t mind either way as she is very obedient, but we will ask her for thoughts as well.

MOTY:

Thank you for updating.


Don't human beings sometimes have the strangest coping mechanism?

Your daughter sounds like a thoughful, considerate and guai girl. She regressed subconciously as she did not want to verbally impose demands on you and you wife in a difficult situation (mummy overseas frequently). Hopefully with patience, encouraging her to express her needs and emotions, as well as a lot of tender loving care, she will regain her equilibirum.

There's a book call the \"5 love languages of children\", a version of the popular 5 love languages, which may be a good read.
(disclaimer: i have never read it myself.)

I agree with you. Wife and I feel very lucky to have such a good daughter. We are trying our best to give her emotional support. She has always been a positive child, and even with this issue she is still looking at the bright side. Although her mother's job requirement means that she is overseas often, she still make it a point to talk to her. So as long as she is healthy and happy, I'm contented.

Hi guys, brought daughter to psychologist a few days back. Took some time because it was fully booked.


The results were quite interesting. I had left my daughter with the psychologist in private during the session so I did not actually know how it went. The psychologist diagnosis is that she is subconsciously wetting herself due to mental development issue. Apparently her mental development was too fast for her age hence she mature a bit too quickly when she was young. The wetting is partly because she ‘want to be small’ again, and also because she want parental attention as her mother tends to go overseas often.

The psychologist say that while this is quite a rare situation, it has not been unheard of and is not one that have adverse effects. He mention that this is a phase that she is going through, but when her incontinence will recover depends on her emotions. He actually recommended keeping my daughter in diapers for the moment as it does not negatively affect her emotion and could actually benefit her by allowing her to revisit the feeling of ‘being small’. My first thought was that it would affect her mental development, but he said that it is highly unlikely. As for toilet training, he advised against doing so as her toilet training memory was merely ‘block’ away and forcing her could only bring undue strain. He also recommended more communication with her, especially with her mother.

I am quite surprised by what the psychologist have conclude, but he said that there is nothing to worry about. I guess the mind is complicated. My daughter is in diapers for the time being, since the psychologist said that there will be no problem, and her control has not improved. We are most relieved that it is not a dangerous condition, but then again we are unsure on when this phase will end.

Hi guys, wife brought my daughter to the urologist a few days back and result just came out. Urologist conclude that there is nothing wrong with her physical conditions.


We will try and get her to a child psychologist to find the cause of her wetting. For now, she is still taking the Chinese tonics as we hope it will improve over time. She is still having accident quite frequently, even though wife and I keep reminding her to go toilet.

Thanks for the pointers. Its best to rule out every possibility. So DW will try to get her to urologist first and see how.



p.s. Her condition seems to have improved a bit. Daytime she’s not wetting as much now after we frequently remind her to go toilet, although there are still times that she will forget and still have accident. No improvement for night time though.