Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers..

[ammonite]

Please don’t. Cloth diapers can leak and they smell, especially after a few hours. Even if she changes, she will have to put it in her bag to bring home. It is going to stink in her bag. It will be a dead giveaway.


Even my preschooler who is much younger is embarrassed when he wets himself on rare occasions during deep sleep. It is so embarrassing for a 11 yr old girl. I will do all I can to help her protect her dignity in public and prevent any possible teasing in school (kids can be very cruel). I am actually a proponent of cloth diapers because they are more environmentally friendly, and used them for my children as much as possible. But in this case, I really think it is best to continue with the adult pull-up diapers, this kind of money cannot be saved.

[Okosbaba]

When my son was little I ended up buying Huggies nappys across the causeway in tesco Malaysia … He has super sensitive skin and would develop a rash if left in nappies for longer than 20 mins after it was urinated on… I found Huggies quiet absorbent and reasonably cheaper in Malaysia … Also if your wife travels say Thailand nappies super cheap there too compared to Singapore … Good luck !


Also I just remembered a conversation a while ago with a neighbor. She has a bedridden disabled child has a government grant to have nappies subsidies adult diapers … So the wholeseller for tena lady delivers to her house directly and the government helps to pay some portion of the cost…
You might need to go thru a poly clinic plus a psychologist letter but maybe worth a try ?

[HiDaddy]

ammonite:

Please don't. Cloth diapers can leak and they smell, especially after a few hours. Even if she changes, she will have to put it in her bag to bring home. It is going to stink in her bag. It will be a dead giveaway.


Even my preschooler who is much younger is embarrassed when he wets himself on rare occasions during deep sleep. It is so embarrassing for a 11 yr old girl. I will do all I can to help her protect her dignity in public and prevent any possible teasing in school (*kids can be very cruel*). I am actually a proponent of cloth diapers because they are more environmentally friendly, and used them for my children as much as possible. But in this case, I really think it is best to continue with the adult pull-up diapers, this kind of money cannot be saved.

Thanks for bringing up that point. Our daughter's emotional well being is our top priority. As you have mentioned, it could be best to stick with disposables for school. The worrying thing is that these diapers keep leaking, so we are looking for more effective alternatives.

What about for home use? I discovered that there are some new type of cloth with bamboo inside that have antibacterial properties that is more comfortable to the skin and can contain smell quite well. Also extremely absorbent and can save quite a sum of money in the long run. Would you recommend it?

[ammonite]

It may be ok for home use I guess. I’ve tried the various types when my children were young, including those supposed to be super-absorbent 7 layer cloth, antibacterial, and yes, we’ve also used the bamboo fabric type before. To be honest, it depends on the child’s body shape and amount of pee. Three kids (one of them my nephew), three different results. And they will all smell after a few hours. It could be due to our hot humid weather. In a colder climate it won’t smell as much.


But then it was still very new in the market. The kind that is available now may be better?? If you do use cloth diapers for her, have you consider the daily washing and managing of that and how she may feel about that? Is she going to do the washing herself (which may add to her humiliation (I apologise if this is an inappropriate word!)), or if you are going to rinse it for her (which may add to her embarrassment?).

I think Okosbaba’s idea of buying from overseas is not a bad one actually (though pretty bulky to carry over). You need it to be absorbent as well to prevent skin discomfort.

I’m sorry if I said anything inappropriate. This is a pretty delicate situation for a father to handle, kudos to you for stepping up!

I have had a thought at the back of my mind ever since I saw your post some time ago. I will pm you.

[HiDaddy]

Hi guys, I want to know your views on whether it is ok for me to change my daughter’s diaper.


I put on the diapers for her occasionally, when my wife is busy and when I change her diaper when she comes home from school, since she is at work.

I am concern about whether she feels okay with it, especially since she is reaching puberty, but she seems very comfortable with the current arrangement. She is still unwilling to put the diaper on for herself since she leaked badly the last time she tried it. Now got ‘phobia’.

I know this is a rather sensitive topic. I apologise in advance to those who may find this post inappropriate… I want honest opinion. Thank you!

[BlueBells]

Personally, I don’t think it is appropriate. She is fully capable of managing it herself, if not then she should learn.


I am also not sure if having your wife or yourself continuing to help her is a good idea. Since her issue is more psychological, would the parents’ helping her in this case prolong her desire to be "babied"?

Again, this is my personal view : If I am in your shoes now, I would work to wean her off my help, and instead lead her to manage it on her on.

[MrsSeah]

I personally feel uncomfortable for you to change diaper for your girl as what you said she is reaching puberty. You wife should guide your girl how to wear and let her try. She will be better in handling after a few mishap, just like if she is having menstration in future, it is impossible for you to put pad for her right?


I hope and pray that your girl condition is getting better now.

I don't know whether it is workable. But I am thinking how about putting those \"heavy duties\" pad for your girl. Those \"thin\" and comfortable type, maybe like those for night use pad. :roll: I feel it should be cheaper than diaper. :oops: :oops:

[Lilac66]

HiDaddy:

Hi guys, I want to know your views on whether it is ok for me to change my daughter's diaper.


I put on the diapers for her occasionally, when my wife is busy and when I change her diaper when she comes home from school, since she is at work.

I am concern about whether she feels okay with it, especially since she is reaching puberty, but she seems very comfortable with the current arrangement. She is still unwilling to put the diaper on for herself since she leaked badly the last time she tried it. Now got 'phobia'.

I know this is a rather sensitive topic. I apologise in advance to those who may find this post inappropriate.. I want honest opinion. Thank you!

You are indeed a great father who tries all ways to help your DD. But I also feel that it's inappropriate for you to do it for her at this age. Your DD , with your encouragement, can try to slowly rid herself of this phobia. Maybe when she understands that daddy can't help too much at this stage that she'll try to do it.

Also, fyi, I do remember myself bedwetting when I was about 10 or 11. :oops: I did not feel good then, wondering what was wrong and reprimanding myself for causing so much trouble to my mum. But my mum did not bother too much about it other than airing the mattress (or maybe during those days, they are too busy making ends meet to care), and it just went away.

Hope my case will help you stay encouraged the problem will not be here to stay.But of course the communication betw your DD and DW is still vital.

[TwoTerrificTs]

HiDaddy:

Hi guys, I want to know your views on whether it is ok for me to change my daughter's diaper.


I put on the diapers for her occasionally, when my wife is busy and when I change her diaper when she comes home from school, since she is at work.

I am concern about whether she feels okay with it, especially since she is reaching puberty, but she seems very comfortable with the current arrangement. She is still unwilling to put the diaper on for herself since she leaked badly the last time she tried it. Now got 'phobia'.

I know this is a rather sensitive topic. I apologise in advance to those who may find this post inappropriate.. I want honest opinion. Thank you!

I myself would also think that it is rather inappropriate for you to do the task. I agreed with other mummies here that perhaps you could try to teach her how to put on the diapers herself.

Btw, I have been following this thread and I really think that you are a wonderful daddy. A 48hr daddy and your girl is fortunate to have you around. Sorry for being blunt, but maybe you can have a talk with your DW and brainstorm other options to help her instead. Maybe your DW should travel lesser and spend more time with her? I guess, this is what your DD wants, to have more quality time with her mummy. This is a very crucial age for our kids, am a mummy myself, I will forsake anything for the wellbeing of children.

Just my two cents worth. Hope I didnt offend you.

[HiDaddy]

Until now my daughter is still in diapers. The psychiatrist is monitoring the situation regularly and has said that its normal. Nevertheless I still tend to be worried, but her emotional well being seem to have improved.


I’m dissappointed with my wife though. I have discussed with her that our daughter is growing and that she needs to be more involve in looking after her, yet many times she just leave the checking and handling of the diapers to me.