Help! My 11 yo Daughter Back in Diapers..

[MOTY]

Thank you for updating.


Don’t human beings sometimes have the strangest coping mechanism?

Your daughter sounds like a thoughful, considerate and guai girl. She regressed subconciously as she did not want to verbally impose demands on you and you wife in a difficult situation (mummy overseas frequently). Hopefully with patience, encouraging her to express her needs and emotions, as well as a lot of tender loving care, she will regain her equilibirum.

There’s a book call the "5 love languages of children", a version of the popular 5 love languages, which may be a good read.
(disclaimer: i have never read it myself.)

[HiDaddy]

MOTY:

Thank you for updating.


Don't human beings sometimes have the strangest coping mechanism?

Your daughter sounds like a thoughful, considerate and guai girl. She regressed subconciously as she did not want to verbally impose demands on you and you wife in a difficult situation (mummy overseas frequently). Hopefully with patience, encouraging her to express her needs and emotions, as well as a lot of tender loving care, she will regain her equilibirum.

There's a book call the \"5 love languages of children\", a version of the popular 5 love languages, which may be a good read.
(disclaimer: i have never read it myself.)

I agree with you. Wife and I feel very lucky to have such a good daughter. We are trying our best to give her emotional support. She has always been a positive child, and even with this issue she is still looking at the bright side. Although her mother's job requirement means that she is overseas often, she still make it a point to talk to her. So as long as she is healthy and happy, I'm contented.

[HiDaddy]

Hi guys, I need your advice on this issue.


My DD is in diapers full-time now. However, it costs quite a bit to buy them, especially the pull-up diapers that she wear for daytime, as these are a lot more expensive than the usual tape-on type because they cost more and are less absorbent. My wife and I are thinking of keeping her in tape-on diapers for daytime as well, instead of the pull-ups so that we can cut cost and save a lot of money. Maybe the only exception is on days when she have PE in school, as the diaper would be very bulky under her shorts.

However, we feel that some minor problems could arise. First, the tape-on diapers is a lot less discreet than the pull-up. Also she would require somebody to change her diaper as she don’t know how to do so herself. Therefore there could be issues when she needs to be change in school, but the diaper should be able to last the whole school day as it is very absorbent. So I need your advice. DD most probably won’t mind either way as she is very obedient, but we will ask her for thoughts as well.

[MOTY]

Have no personal experience on this.


Extrapolating from baby diaper experiences, can you purchase adult washable cloth diapers? They are usually shaped like underwear so she can change them herself at school.

[HiDaddy]

Cloth diaper seems to be a viable option to save cost. I think online would be the best place to search for them, right? Got any brand to recommend?

[ammonite]

Please don’t. Cloth diapers can leak and they smell, especially after a few hours. Even if she changes, she will have to put it in her bag to bring home. It is going to stink in her bag. It will be a dead giveaway.


Even my preschooler who is much younger is embarrassed when he wets himself on rare occasions during deep sleep. It is so embarrassing for a 11 yr old girl. I will do all I can to help her protect her dignity in public and prevent any possible teasing in school (kids can be very cruel). I am actually a proponent of cloth diapers because they are more environmentally friendly, and used them for my children as much as possible. But in this case, I really think it is best to continue with the adult pull-up diapers, this kind of money cannot be saved.

[Okosbaba]

When my son was little I ended up buying Huggies nappys across the causeway in tesco Malaysia … He has super sensitive skin and would develop a rash if left in nappies for longer than 20 mins after it was urinated on… I found Huggies quiet absorbent and reasonably cheaper in Malaysia … Also if your wife travels say Thailand nappies super cheap there too compared to Singapore … Good luck !


Also I just remembered a conversation a while ago with a neighbor. She has a bedridden disabled child has a government grant to have nappies subsidies adult diapers … So the wholeseller for tena lady delivers to her house directly and the government helps to pay some portion of the cost…
You might need to go thru a poly clinic plus a psychologist letter but maybe worth a try ?

[HiDaddy]

ammonite:

Please don't. Cloth diapers can leak and they smell, especially after a few hours. Even if she changes, she will have to put it in her bag to bring home. It is going to stink in her bag. It will be a dead giveaway.


Even my preschooler who is much younger is embarrassed when he wets himself on rare occasions during deep sleep. It is so embarrassing for a 11 yr old girl. I will do all I can to help her protect her dignity in public and prevent any possible teasing in school (*kids can be very cruel*). I am actually a proponent of cloth diapers because they are more environmentally friendly, and used them for my children as much as possible. But in this case, I really think it is best to continue with the adult pull-up diapers, this kind of money cannot be saved.

Thanks for bringing up that point. Our daughter's emotional well being is our top priority. As you have mentioned, it could be best to stick with disposables for school. The worrying thing is that these diapers keep leaking, so we are looking for more effective alternatives.

What about for home use? I discovered that there are some new type of cloth with bamboo inside that have antibacterial properties that is more comfortable to the skin and can contain smell quite well. Also extremely absorbent and can save quite a sum of money in the long run. Would you recommend it?

[ammonite]

It may be ok for home use I guess. I’ve tried the various types when my children were young, including those supposed to be super-absorbent 7 layer cloth, antibacterial, and yes, we’ve also used the bamboo fabric type before. To be honest, it depends on the child’s body shape and amount of pee. Three kids (one of them my nephew), three different results. And they will all smell after a few hours. It could be due to our hot humid weather. In a colder climate it won’t smell as much.


But then it was still very new in the market. The kind that is available now may be better?? If you do use cloth diapers for her, have you consider the daily washing and managing of that and how she may feel about that? Is she going to do the washing herself (which may add to her humiliation (I apologise if this is an inappropriate word!)), or if you are going to rinse it for her (which may add to her embarrassment?).

I think Okosbaba’s idea of buying from overseas is not a bad one actually (though pretty bulky to carry over). You need it to be absorbent as well to prevent skin discomfort.

I’m sorry if I said anything inappropriate. This is a pretty delicate situation for a father to handle, kudos to you for stepping up!

I have had a thought at the back of my mind ever since I saw your post some time ago. I will pm you.

[HiDaddy]

Hi guys, I want to know your views on whether it is ok for me to change my daughter’s diaper.


I put on the diapers for her occasionally, when my wife is busy and when I change her diaper when she comes home from school, since she is at work.

I am concern about whether she feels okay with it, especially since she is reaching puberty, but she seems very comfortable with the current arrangement. She is still unwilling to put the diaper on for herself since she leaked badly the last time she tried it. Now got ‘phobia’.

I know this is a rather sensitive topic. I apologise in advance to those who may find this post inappropriate… I want honest opinion. Thank you!