Frankly I have no advice for u, but just want to support u in your decision in not letting her stay with you.


From what you say, she sounds like she might cause some "disturbance" in your home environment as your family will need to get used to her presence, and if she does not follow your house rules, it definitely hv negative repercussions when your kids see that she is above ur "laws" while they are still subject to it.

This is an impt year for your son. I think u need to stress to ur husband that HIS OWN family shld be his priority. Stand firm if you believe strongly abt this issue. It may lead to some unhappiness now, but at least this unhappiness is within your control. If your niece moves in, and trouble brews, the unhappiness will be out of your control cos it’s being initiated by a third party!

Ah yes… CCC… I put my DD1 in 1/2 day child care for abt a yr when she was 3 cos DD2 was born. Just half a day there and it un-did all the good things i taught her in 3 yrs!! Came back wiping nose and mouth on her clothes instead of using tissue. And yes, uses language that wld make us adults blush!! Everyday when she comes back, i gotta undo all the damage done during the first half of the day!


But now that we know the influence is from there, we can breathe easier cos it’s just as jessicawongcs says, it’s monkey see monkey do. So dun take it personally! Encourage him to verbalise his feelings in proper words like "I dun like being punished" or "I’m upset u din get me that toy"

Thanks for all the tips… I’ve been doing the exact same things when they fight and squabble… so goes to show i’m on the right track! Phew!


When i split them up after a quarrel, the younger one usually goes off to play on her own happily, glad to be away fr her sister. But the older one will get bored very quickly, and will go back to her sister. And before long, another quarrel will erupt. Bcos DD1 cannot stand to be alone, separating them is a good punishment / consequence for her. But bcos she can’t be alone, she will soon wander to her sister again. Of cos we will intervene and insist she wait out the full "time alone" period. And depending on her mood, either reluctant compliance, or she will go into a full blown temper tantrum.

I find it very emotionally tiring to be see-sawing btw loving praise, and anger & discipline multiple times a day. And with this current HOT HOT weather, my temper is just very near boiling point everyday! Hahaha!

I LOVE MY FITFLOPS!!! :love: :love:


THey are the most comfy shoes i hv. And with kids to run after, and a hefty 9kg babe to carry all the time, they are wonderful!
I notice that my feet and back will ache when i wear my other shoes, even flats. I think the fitflops do provide good support. I've been wearing them daily for 2 years and they seem to be getting thinner n thinner... time to get a new pair!!

But the prices hv definitely increased from the first time i bought them....

I’m lucky that i hv a good helper now, and it does help when i can "escape" for lunch sometimes with frens, or dinner out with the DH once in a while. Sometimes, I think it’s oso the same routine everyday, day in, day out, with nothing much for me to look fwd to that gets to me.


Next yr when DD1 goes to Pri 1, DD2 will start 4 hr nursery. And i’ve arranged it such that i will get some time alone with DD1 when she’s back fr school. A couple of hrs, if i’m lucky. ANd yes, I know i need to start spending more time with her where her school work is concerned.

Just wondering mummies, which approach do you guys take when the kids start fighting? When DD1 snatches DD2’s things, or in general irritates her, we will tell her to stop it or scold her. But all the explanations, logical reasonings, scoldings dun seem to work cos she still does it over and over again. So we decided to ignore it. Books say negative attention is STILL attention right? So we decide to ignore what’s going on. But then DD2 will start crying cos she’s being bullied. We seem to be using both approaches (scolding vs ignoring) depending on our moods, which I’m sure is counter-productive cos with children, consistency is key. But either way, we still seem to "lose" this battle…

But as DD2 is slowly getting older and getting ‘wiser’, I dun think she’s gonna be any easier to handle… maybe not whiny and needy like her sister, but still a force to be reckoned with. Sigh… children!! Can’t live with them, can’t live without them!! Heh heh…

I dun dare think of what the youngest one will be like… Boy some more… scary… harder to handle than gals rite?

I agree with deminc that your daughter may be too old for being caned. We all remember how \"sensitive\" we were during our teenage years, so this caning episode may leave a deeper impression than her getting caught for cheating!


Maybe her fear of disappointing u with her results clouded her judgement over right and wrong, and she made the mistake of cheating.

As all the mums above have suggested, apologise for being rash abt caning then move on to the reason behind why it's done. Nip it in the bud instead of addressing the symptoms only.

Hmmm.... i can see we mummies are indeed getting more educated, well read, and being much more flexible when it comes to parenting styles. How many of us can actually say that OUR parents hv ever apologised abt caning us, and sitting us down to explain and work out our problems together when we were younger?? My most vivid childhood memory was of my father locking me in the room with him, and chasing me round and round with the cane... comical, but till today, leaves a very traumatic memory for me...

May we not repeat the same parenting boo-boos our parents made on us!!!

Children usually imitate what they see or hear from adults ard them. I know first hand cos my older gal sounds EXACTLY like me when talking / "scolding" her younger sis, so WE hv to be really careful in our choice of words and what we say to our kids.


Do you or ur hubs or any other adult your child is with during the day use the word "love" in relation to his behaviour? For eg, i’ve heard of grandparents say to their grandkids that if they misbehave, their mummy won’t love them anymore. In such situations, the kid then associates naughty behaviour with the word ‘love’ without really understanding what it means. So when they get scolded or punished or rejected, they just verbalise it with the phrase they associate punishment with - 'You dun love me".

The above is just me personal opinion. I advocate using only positive words when speaking to kids. And oso being very careful with choice of words cos kids absorb wat we say like a sponge, and will use it against u one day!! Whether they fully understand what they are saying! Sometimes it’s really funny when u hear them speak like u, and at other times, it’s quite a slap in the face when u realise how u really sound when talking "down" to them!

Saying that, it becomes a REAL challange when u’re so mad at them n yelling them at full force, and going thru ur whole mental dictionary of "positive-only" scolding words to use! Hahahahah!!!

MummyThreestreams, thx for the counsellor contact!


deminc, wat kind of treatment plan did your doc suggest? All the western docs ever do is give u steriod creams to apply, which i really refrain from doing. They insist that there is no side effects and all meds are safe, but..... As per tamarind, I just keep moisturizing and moisturizing. And i use Calendula cream for her rashes. It's homeopathic medicine, so it's totally natural and doesn't contain steriods or medicine. It works wonders for her rashes. And strict control of her diet oso helps. Sometimes my hubs says it's just a bad habit dat she has, scratching all over even if it doesn't itch. Is he right?

I find that the only way to get my gal to sleep thru is to give her a dose of antihesthimines / allergy meds just before she sleeps. It helps her to sleep better, n WE sleep better too! But I dun hv the heart to \"drug\" her every night! I'm sure it's not good for her in the long run too!

My gal doesn't seem cranky from lack of sleep in the day. Or at least I dun see her manifest it. She's generally in a happy mood, but i realised that she cannot be bored and left to herself. Once in that situation, she will start to go ard irritating and disturbing pple. Just a normal child full of curiosity and needs to be on the go all the time, or a bad habit? Are all first borns so needy in attention? My 2nd gal can play on her own, and is happy to sit by herself with her toys or coloring set. My older gal will demand that u sit next to her and color with her! I'm worried that if we dun teach her to be independent and love her own company, next time when she grows up, she will always need to turn to external stimulation and company. And this habit of hers is oso something that drives me crazy cos it means I can't get a break from her!

Sometimes I feel that i may be blowing things out of proportion.... like over the wkend when we had many activities planned for the family, she behaved like an angel! I don't remember scolding her much, and she was generally very cooperative. But again, that is when she was entertained and had lots of things to do. Now back to usual school and home routine..... I'm just dreading the next blow up!

Dear deminc,

Thanks for your sharing! And yes, my gal oso suffers from eczema, so maybe her physical condition does contribute to her outbursts and behaviour. And she sleeps VERY badly at night. Her sleep is usually disturbed by her itching, and from birth till now (she's almost 6), she has not slept thru a single night. Which also means I've not had a proper night's sleep for 6 years!! :frustrated: And even when she's not itching, she will wake up in the middle of the nite and cry for me or my hubs if she doesn't find either of us next to her! So i feel like i'm being imprisoned by her.. that even during my own personal sleep time, which is the ONLY time that i can call my own, i am still \"tied\" to her. I feel so suffocated by her! This also contributes to my negativity towards her!

I am going to bring her to a sleep clinic to find out more abt why she can't sleep through the nite, and whether she has any medical issues we need to resolve.

Funz,
I have it slightly better than you in that my gal isn't a high need kid. She wasn't that clingy or whiny when young. It's only now when she gets older that I find her behavior really starting to annoy me. And i can totally relate to how you would shove her away when she comes crying to you! When my gals goes into one of her tantrums and cries herself into a rage, she totally loses control of herself and can't stop. I know she is trying, but she just isn't able to stop herself anymore. And the only way I know that can calm her down is to hold her and hug her. But it is SOOO difficult when you feel so much anger and rage within! So i hv to FORCE myself to hold her and hug her, even tho it's the last thing i feel like doing! And then i feel so bad abt it bcos i'm sure she can feel my ultra bad vibes when i'm hugging her unwillingly! sigh....

I know that kids 'feel' first, before they can verbalise their feelings, hence they will usually display their displeasure b4 they can tell us how they feel. So with this in mind, i keep trying to verbalise her feelings for her each time she reacts with crying or whining first. But i guess there will be days when i just snap and all hell breaks loose!

Sometimes, even simple things like the way she plays with her siblings annoy me... And these are the times when i feel that i'm being too unfair to her, as she is afterall a child, and children do play like dat.

Thx MummyThreeStreams!


Ur experience has been a great help and comfort to me! It's nice knowing i'm not the only one who goes beserk when taking care of the kids!

My hubs does listen to my grouses, and is supportive, but his fuse is even shorter when it comes to the kids! So whenever he's ard, I become the Saint! :lol:

Understand when u say ur frens are surprised at how different u r with your children. I, too, am usually very calm and composed!

I'm just disturbed because my short fuse and anger is usually directed at only my older gal. Maybe it's bcos being older, they hv more needs and are getting wiser and know how to wear u down. Vs the younger ones who are still \"blur\"and easy to \"bluff\" and will listen more readily. I'm worried that my relationship with my older gal will suffer if this kind of situation persists too long. Hving to control this seething anger and annoyance can be emotionally n mentally very tiring too!

I just feel so hapless bcos I dun know how to get out of this pattern of behaviour, as u put it. And yes, pls PM me the contact of the family councellor. No harm finding out more. Like you said, at least we recognise our problem, and can get help!

Any other mummies (or daddies) have ideas on how I can reign in my negativity towards my child? Jus to let you guys know, i'm not dat bad towards her lah. I dun beat or torture her! hahaha! I dun even dare to use any negative words whenever i'm angry with her! Bad for the child's self esteem i read! Maybe due to all these 'restrictions', our anger is never properly released and hence continues to fester! How many a times i wish i could just yell out all those words i hv in my head!! :rant: