In-law problems?

[kiasimom]

How about brother/ sister in law problems? Or in-law to in- law

problems? is explain: my parents don’t like my in-laws.
Anyone have problems like that?

[Andaiz]

kiasimom:

How about brother/ sister in law problems? Or in-law to in- law

problems? is explain: my parents don't like my in-laws.
Anyone have problems like that?

My dear kiasimom, we're really kindred souls. Yes, yes, and yes!

My parents don't want anything to do with my in-laws coz they show no respect to them; are really rude to them...there was once, my FIL barged into my place once and started shouting at my parents I was like :!: !

Recently, PIL's called up DH to \"complain\" that the family was not spending time together on their (PIL's) anniversary. DH was like :? :? coz his parents have typically celebrated theirs intimately (i.e., 2 of them) whereas mine celebrate with the entire immediate family.
So there's competition lah!

[winth]

kiasimom:

How about brother/ sister in law problems? Or in-law to in- law

problems? is explain: my parents don't like my in-laws.
Anyone have problems like that?

For me, I seem to have problem with the females in the household. So, yes to SIL and MIL. FIL and BIL, so far not giving me problems, except that they create alot of chaos internally with their own personal issues.

My parents don't like my in-laws too cos they really know how to act all nice when we are around, but they can totally ignore my parents and brother when we are not there.

We had to go through double-efforts when we hold events in our house like Christmas dinner or birthday gatherings. It is better this way, no one gets black face and no one suffers.

[Andaiz]

winth:

We had to go through double-efforts when we hold events in our house like Christmas dinner or birthday gatherings. It is better this way, no one gets black face and no one suffers.

Yes, dearest winth, I can identify with that...double celebrations or a big do for the kids' birthdays so there's lots more distractions around but still there'd be some innocuous swipe :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

[mummy of 2]

I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).


My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don’t hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL’s MIL.

[winth]

mummy of 2:

I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).


My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don't hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL's MIL.

Wow, you mean you even get to see your SIL's MIL???
That's a really 'distant' relationship!
But her MIL can't be that bad to you right?

[Andaiz]

Dear agrieved DIL's out there, just saw this article sent to me through a Christian poster. This extract from a book entitled The Wounded Minister (Baker, 2001, pp.185,186) by Dr Guy Greenfield would help us dealing with anger or unexplained irritation twds IL's:


Seven Steps to Healthy Anger Release
1.\tRecognize the anger you’re feeling.
We may deny that we’re angry because we feel too guilty about it. Denial turns the feeling inside where it seethes.

2.\tDecide what made you angry.
Ask yourself the very important question: Is this worth getting angry over?
If you can’t forget it, then perhaps the source of your anger goes beyond a single event.
Filter out the underlying cause of your grievance.

3.\tGive the “provoker” the benefit of the doubt.
Instead of inflaming your anger by feeding yourself such reflections as,
who does he think he is for treating me in this underhanded way,
suggest to yourself that perhaps this person is having a bad day or
didn’t intend to come across as he did.

4.\tCount to ten and cool off.
Practice some form of mental relaxation.
There’s nothing to be gained by an explosive outburst aimed at retaliation.
Calm down first.

5.\tMake your grievance known without attacking the other person.
This calls for tact and good communication skills.

6.\tListen.
Listen hard and try to understand. This is the key step in resolving
the conflict and diffusing your anger.

7.\tForgive.
When we forgive someone, many positive psychological and physiological
changes take place—through forgiveness we once again experience love,
the highest essence of a relationship. We remember that we care about the other person.
Is this why their behavior hurt us so much in the first place?

Personally, I find 5 and also putting myself in the IL's shoes an almost impossible task. -ing loh! Hope you find these useful, mummy's.

[Blobbi]

Maybe also, either in place of #7 or maybe this is #8, Accept. Some people are just like that. No use butting heads or getting high blood pressure. Just know what you’re dealing with and work around it because ultimately, you need to get things done.

[mummy of 2]

winth:

mummy of 2:

I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).


My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don't hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL's MIL.

Wow, you mean you even get to see your SIL's MIL???
That's a really 'distant' relationship!
But her MIL can't be that bad to you right?

Yup, there was once we signed up for a day trip to Malaysia, together with my ILs. Her ILs heard about it and wanted to tag along. I found her so irritating

Of cos we also see her now and then during special occasion - like my SIL's gal's first birthday. At least I can keep myself away from her during such events.

[buds]

winth:

mummy of 2:

I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).


My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don't hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL's MIL.

Wow, you mean you even get to see your SIL's MIL???
That's a really 'distant' relationship!
But her MIL can't be that bad to you right?

Yeah, boy... distant relationship awrite. :!:

I see my SIL's MIL too but she's been quite
cool so far. Let's hope can maintain
the relationship that way.