In-law problems?
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buds:
:!: :!: :!:
...can only
that she doesn't bad-mouth me
to my children. :roll: Cos the stuff she tells the girls of
course most times, come back to me. :roll: Somehow,
i suppose she doesn't know that when she does that
she is showing too much of herself and losing respect
from the kiddies. I just tell the girls, it's ok. I'm ok. I'm
just happy they know me (their mummy) well enough..
.. to be able to understand and differentiate that i am
not whatever she is feeding their little minds with. :faint:
And that it is never true that i do not love them as much
as she does... Or that i love one DD more than thee other.
You think buds, your MIL and my MIL come from same factory??!
Mine keeps telling the girls that I love the mei mei more than her (DD1) and because this one also very sensitive, she sometimes believe it and I have to re-teach and reassure and everything else during the weekends only to have her undo these all!
When DD1 was 4 yo, I realized the deep-seatedness of her insecurity that stems from her toxic words...one day, she said \"I'm jealous...\":faint:
How does a 4-yo label such a strong emotion, I ask you? -
How about brother/ sister in law problems? Or in-law to in- law
problems? is explain: my parents don’t like my in-laws.
Anyone have problems like that? -
kiasimom:
My dear kiasimom, we're really kindred souls. Yes, yes, and yes!How about brother/ sister in law problems? Or in-law to in- law
problems? is explain: my parents don't like my in-laws.
Anyone have problems like that?
My parents don't want anything to do with my in-laws coz they show no respect to them; are really rude to them...there was once, my FIL barged into my place once and started shouting at my parents I was like :!: !
Recently, PIL's called up DH to \"complain\" that the family was not spending time together on their (PIL's) anniversary. DH was like :? :? coz his parents have typically celebrated theirs intimately (i.e., 2 of them) whereas mine celebrate with the entire immediate family.
So there's competition lah!
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kiasimom:
For me, I seem to have problem with the females in the household. So, yes to SIL and MIL. FIL and BIL, so far not giving me problems, except that they create alot of chaos internally with their own personal issues.How about brother/ sister in law problems? Or in-law to in- law
problems? is explain: my parents don't like my in-laws.
Anyone have problems like that?
My parents don't like my in-laws too cos they really know how to act all nice when we are around, but they can totally ignore my parents and brother when we are not there.
We had to go through double-efforts when we hold events in our house like Christmas dinner or birthday gatherings. It is better this way, no one gets black face and no one suffers. -
winth:
Yes, dearest winth, I can identify with that...double celebrations or a big do for the kids' birthdays so there's lots more distractions around but still there'd be some innocuous swipe :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:
We had to go through double-efforts when we hold events in our house like Christmas dinner or birthday gatherings. It is better this way, no one gets black face and no one suffers. -
I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).
My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don’t hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL’s MIL. -
mummy of 2:
Wow, you mean you even get to see your SIL's MIL???I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).
My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don't hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL's MIL.
That's a really 'distant' relationship!
But her MIL can't be that bad to you right? -
Dear agrieved DIL's out there, just saw this article sent to me through a Christian poster. This extract from a book entitled The Wounded Minister (Baker, 2001, pp.185,186) by Dr Guy Greenfield would help us dealing with anger or unexplained irritation twds IL's:
Seven Steps to Healthy Anger Release
1.\tRecognize the anger you’re feeling.
We may deny that we’re angry because we feel too guilty about it. Denial turns the feeling inside where it seethes.
2.\tDecide what made you angry.
Ask yourself the very important question: Is this worth getting angry over?
If you can’t forget it, then perhaps the source of your anger goes beyond a single event.
Filter out the underlying cause of your grievance.
3.\tGive the “provoker” the benefit of the doubt.
Instead of inflaming your anger by feeding yourself such reflections as,
who does he think he is for treating me in this underhanded way,
suggest to yourself that perhaps this person is having a bad day or
didn’t intend to come across as he did.
4.\tCount to ten and cool off.
Practice some form of mental relaxation.
There’s nothing to be gained by an explosive outburst aimed at retaliation.
Calm down first.
5.\tMake your grievance known without attacking the other person.
This calls for tact and good communication skills.
6.\tListen.
Listen hard and try to understand. This is the key step in resolving
the conflict and diffusing your anger.
7.\tForgive.
When we forgive someone, many positive psychological and physiological
changes take place—through forgiveness we once again experience love,
the highest essence of a relationship. We remember that we care about the other person.
Is this why their behavior hurt us so much in the first place?
Personally, I find 5 and also putting myself in the IL's shoes an almost impossible task. -ing loh! Hope you find these useful, mummy's. -
Maybe also, either in place of #7 or maybe this is #8, Accept. Some people are just like that. No use butting heads or getting high blood pressure. Just know what you’re dealing with and work around it because ultimately, you need to get things done.
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winth:
Yup, there was once we signed up for a day trip to Malaysia, together with my ILs. Her ILs heard about it and wanted to tag along. I found her so irritating
Wow, you mean you even get to see your SIL's MIL???mummy of 2:
I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).
My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don't hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL's MIL.
That's a really 'distant' relationship!
But her MIL can't be that bad to you right?
Of cos we also see her now and then during special occasion - like my SIL's gal's first birthday. At least I can keep myself away from her during such events.
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