In-law problems?

[mummy of 2]

I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).


My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don’t hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL’s MIL.

[winth]

mummy of 2:

I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).


My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don't hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL's MIL.

Wow, you mean you even get to see your SIL's MIL???
That's a really 'distant' relationship!
But her MIL can't be that bad to you right?

[Andaiz]

Dear agrieved DIL's out there, just saw this article sent to me through a Christian poster. This extract from a book entitled The Wounded Minister (Baker, 2001, pp.185,186) by Dr Guy Greenfield would help us dealing with anger or unexplained irritation twds IL's:


Seven Steps to Healthy Anger Release
1.\tRecognize the anger you’re feeling.
We may deny that we’re angry because we feel too guilty about it. Denial turns the feeling inside where it seethes.

2.\tDecide what made you angry.
Ask yourself the very important question: Is this worth getting angry over?
If you can’t forget it, then perhaps the source of your anger goes beyond a single event.
Filter out the underlying cause of your grievance.

3.\tGive the “provoker” the benefit of the doubt.
Instead of inflaming your anger by feeding yourself such reflections as,
who does he think he is for treating me in this underhanded way,
suggest to yourself that perhaps this person is having a bad day or
didn’t intend to come across as he did.

4.\tCount to ten and cool off.
Practice some form of mental relaxation.
There’s nothing to be gained by an explosive outburst aimed at retaliation.
Calm down first.

5.\tMake your grievance known without attacking the other person.
This calls for tact and good communication skills.

6.\tListen.
Listen hard and try to understand. This is the key step in resolving
the conflict and diffusing your anger.

7.\tForgive.
When we forgive someone, many positive psychological and physiological
changes take place—through forgiveness we once again experience love,
the highest essence of a relationship. We remember that we care about the other person.
Is this why their behavior hurt us so much in the first place?

Personally, I find 5 and also putting myself in the IL's shoes an almost impossible task. -ing loh! Hope you find these useful, mummy's.

[Blobbi]

Maybe also, either in place of #7 or maybe this is #8, Accept. Some people are just like that. No use butting heads or getting high blood pressure. Just know what you’re dealing with and work around it because ultimately, you need to get things done.

[mummy of 2]

winth:

mummy of 2:

I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).


My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don't hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL's MIL.

Wow, you mean you even get to see your SIL's MIL???
That's a really 'distant' relationship!
But her MIL can't be that bad to you right?

Yup, there was once we signed up for a day trip to Malaysia, together with my ILs. Her ILs heard about it and wanted to tag along. I found her so irritating

Of cos we also see her now and then during special occasion - like my SIL's gal's first birthday. At least I can keep myself away from her during such events.

[buds]

winth:

mummy of 2:

I feel that it is gd to separate the ILs and parents, to limit comparison (or competition).


My ILs and parents are on ok terms ie they don't hate each other and can chat when they see each other. But I hate to see my SIL's MIL.

Wow, you mean you even get to see your SIL's MIL???
That's a really 'distant' relationship!
But her MIL can't be that bad to you right?

Yeah, boy... distant relationship awrite. :!:

I see my SIL's MIL too but she's been quite
cool so far. Let's hope can maintain
the relationship that way.

[mummy of 2]

Frankly I admire my SIL for being able to live with and tolerate her MIL. If my MIL is like hers, there will be WW3 everyday. Imagine she can irritate me during a day trip only, how to live with her :!:

[kiasimom]

Hmmm. I think I am from outer space :faint:


My parents don't like my MIL and the only time they see each other was during my wedding and that was also the last.
My parents do not agree with the way MIL handled her family as she was totally devoid of feelings!! MIL is a woman who ONLY loves herself.

I don't like my BIL and his family too for the same reason.
They live in their own world and totally disrregard people's feelings.

Although my sis and her hub have been married for years, my BIL never ever greeted my parents as \" Father, Mother.\"
He doesn't visit them during CNY and festive seasons too.

I may have to call him BIL here but I know nobody in my family treated him as BIL and he also never treated us as his ILs.

My poor sis has to be caught in between. But that's life, isn't it?

[winth]

mummy of 2:

Frankly I admire my SIL for being able to live with and tolerate her MIL. If my MIL is like hers, there will be WW3 everyday. Imagine she can irritate me during a day trip only, how to live with her :!:

Haha, there was once we go for A Farmosa trip with my new in-laws (that was like donkey years ago), we hired this van to drive us there with another Chinese Family of 3 (FIL's then business partner).

MIL spoke non-stop throughout the drive trip (I'm serious!, it's non-stop talking for at least 3 hours). And this mum from the Chinese Family cornered me and asked how I actually stand all those yakking and non-stop monologue. And whether I realised how fierce she is and how's my MIL's status in the family, as in, does everyone fear her? I smiled simply and just shrugged (U never know when people back-stab you when u make comments).

That was our only trip as a family or with this Chinese family. It was difficult to tolerate her talking cos it's real loud and there is no way anyone can talk from the noise. There were also quarrels and finger-pointing during that trip bec of MIL's behaviour that everyone was with black face and had a bitter taste after that.

Sad right?

[kiasimom]

When I was in USA with my MIL, the trick of self-defence I learnt is to SHUT UP. I only talk when necessary.


Till today, I still feel very much pressurised being in the same room and breathing the same air as her :faint: