In-law problems?
-
Hi minnie2004,
You mean you will be leaving kids behind wth hubby and MIL whle you head back early?
Are your hubby aware of her ‘hostile’ attitude towards you?
Your MIL reminds me of the show ‘The Joy Luck Club’
Must have been really difficult for you. -
Dear auntieM,
Yes that’s what I intend to do since there’s no way that me and MIL can live under one roof. My DH is well aware of her hostility towards me that’s why he can’t really say no. I think his mom also doesn’t want me in her house anyway.
He always thinks I’m over-reacting but the problem is he can’t fully get the hidden meaning of some of MIL’s sarcastic remarks in mandarin. He always says it’s no bid deal because he simply doesn’t get it! He knows his mom was being unreasonable most of the time but she is afterall his mom. -
minnie2004:
minnie2004, I totally feel for you, and am very encouraged by your strength :snuggles: . You are right on both these counts lah (highlighted in brown)
He always thinks I'm over-reacting but the problem is he can't fully get the hidden meaning of some of MIL's sarcastic remarks in mandarin. He always says it's no bid deal because he simply doesn't get it! He knows his mom was being unreasonable most of the time but she is afterall his mom.
!
Sometimes, DH's would have built up their defence mechanism over the years - not because of language issues but because it is easier to cope :roll: and live day-to-day by blocking these hurtful words out.
What they don't let affect them=doesn't affect them, and when it doesn't affect them=it does not matter. (although sometimes I think it becomes repressed medical symptoms, but that's another story).
Thanks too for acknowledging that she's afterall his mother...and therefore you respect her enough to not say \"no\" to DH and the kids staying over at her place this hols. :celebrate: must be a painful decision! :love:. Kudos to you indeed! -
Hi all
I love to read this topic cos most of us have the same 遭遇.
:celebrate: -
Hi Ladies, it took me almost 2 weeks to finish reading this thread right from the start. I could really relate to this thread!
Though my story is not as enduring as buds and tree nymph, I too had my share of woe.
As a starter, this is something I want to share... How to go about POISONING your mother in law
Poison your Mother-in-law.... with......
A long time ago, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.
Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish.
All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you. Li-Li said, \"Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.\"
Mr.Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.
He told Li-Li, \"You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body.
Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.\"
Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr.Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper,obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.
Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, \"Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.\"
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. \"Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitimans to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.\"
MORAL: Friends, have you ever realized that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? In China it is said: The person who loves others will also be loved. -
And so of course in our real world, “The person who loves others will also be loved” doesn’t really quite work this way.
-
rugrats_pat,
how are you now? Have you thought about moving out? -
hi rugrats_pat, I totally understand how you feel. Don’t think I can live a single day like that (a 10-day vacation with my MIL was enough to put me into depression for a whole year).
As tree nymph just mentioned, the best solution is just to move out. Even move to some place nearby, as long as you guys are not under one roof, a lot of problems can be solved. Then again, his parents may disagree as he’s the only son. But for the benefits of everyone, I think you need to fight for that.
I heard that in China, the most sought after spouse canditates are those "you lou you che, fu mo shuang wang" (have property and car, both parents dead). I was shocked at first but I think there’s a lot of truth to it. -
minnie2004,
no lah, don’t think of the orphaned hb lah. its very sad to grow up without parents.
i’m also fighting to move out. no sucess yet, but first of all, i’ve got to get a place. looking now -
Me too, tree nymph.
On one hand want hubs to be filial to his parents.
Take care of them in their golden years but who
will take care of me, if my marriage fails then…
Seriously, we can never underestimate the danger
of interfering and overbearing in-laws. I was just
too naive to believe everyone has good in them.
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login