How do you deal with arrogant/how lian people around you?
-
2ppaamm:
Wah, after ks2me's reminder of SARS, I think I'd rather eat shid than shit. Don't fool around, I got 7 kids to look after (5 children + DH + mom). :lol:
But you can still go coffee with them, just not civet coffee. Enjoy! -
ks2me:
Sure! Yup! We'll go coffee Blobbi, :celebrate: not cat coffee, shid kup perhaps?2ppaamm:
Wah, after ks2me's reminder of SARS, I think I'd rather eat shid than shit. Don't fool around, I got 7 kids to look after (5 children + DH + mom). :lol:
But you can still go coffee with them, just not civet coffee. Enjoy! -
mitten:
To me, my SILs (DH sis and sis in law cos I don't have any on my side) are not how lian but mean. They criticize and put you down whenever they have the chance so much so that they don't even realise that they could hit themselves on the face later on. :lol: They think that by putting someone down they will elevate themselves. Most of the time I'll grit my teeth and bear it. However, there are times that I really give it back to them and when I hit, I really hit hard. I very mean also hor. DH always says that I'm calculative and sensitive but I think I'm justified to be angry. :x :x Let me relate one very good example and you KSP can be the judge.How do I react to those \"hao lian\" people? Well, with friends or relatives like these, I usually excused myself with a smile so that I could get out of their \"shallow talk-shows\"
In my opinion, these people are usually lack of self-confidence (therefore needed to boast their egoes), shallow (no wisdom), poor in those areas which they choose to \"hao lian\" and they are helpless. why? 'cos when they can grab anything to fill up their helpless, they are couldn't wait to tell the whole world on what they have or proub of. Basically, these people who are lack of self-confidence, self-esteem etc.
\"Hao Lian\" people can be anyone from poor to very rich people as long as they have areas of helplessness.
I have been working around the clock as a tutor 24/7 to support the family since DH was in financial crisis a few years ago. All my sons are independent but DS1 and DS2 were only average in their work. One of my SIL engaged a tutor (quite good and expensive) for her children. When the PSLE results were announced, she would be the first to check among the bros and sis whose children had taken the PSLE. Both her sons did better than mine and remarks from these SILs came hard and fast. She claimed that her DS1 was a scholar cos he scored 24x and got into VS whereas my DS1 got into lousy school so can't compare to hers (years later, her DD did badly for her PSLE and got into my DS1 school :P). Another SIL commented that I was not a good and responsible mother cos I should have stayed at home to ensure that my sons studied hard for the PSLE (she has been a SAHM since she married DH elder brother but I didn't know when she made this remark that her son was in normal stream :!: ). DH younger bro (who was not married at the time DS1 and DS2 sat for PSLE) even remarked that I shouldn't give tuition cos I \"wu ren zi di\" and asked if I was sure that I could teach. :oops: :x Well, few years down the road, DH younger bro got married and both his DS1 and my DS3 sat for their PSLE. DH bro was so confident of his DS1 abilities that he applied DSA to about 4 schools as they definitely won't settle for anything less. He even expressed surprise that my DS3 had the gut to apply for DSA to NUSH. When his DS1 didn't pass the selection test which my DS3 did, he remarked that he didn't really give a damn cos his DS1 is set on HCI. I was all set for another round of criticisms and mean remarks when the PSLE results was announced. To my surprise, his DS1 only scored 22x while my DS3 scored 251. This bro DW rants about how the teachers didn't push the class and they were ill prepared for the PSLE as they were playful all the time and didn't work hard etc.
When DS3 results was made known, the world became unusually quiet and nobody mentioned anything about PSLE. Guess they couldn't believe that DS3 scored better than their children cos one SIL asked me later \"what did DS3 actually scored?\" I even purposely how lian to them and said that since my SIL had claimed that her DS1 was a scholar with 24x and got into VS, my DS3 was the scholar among the scholars as he entered VS with 251. 
I guess they learnt the Chinese saying \"feng sui lun liu chuan\" :lol:
-
Not only hao lian… 狗眼看人低 as well… sigh
-
It is unfortunate that relatives are like that. I thought they should be encouraging to your kids… so sad.
I remember my aunties were like that to my mum as well. My mum also worked full-time while all my 6 aunties were SAHM. They used to criticize everything, including things like our clothes were not clean, didn’t wash properly, etc.
Unfortunately for them, my mum’s kids all did better academically, financially, and also married better. Nowadays, they are silent, and will consult us on stuff as well. They now start to fight amongst themselves and my mum just keeps herself out of the picture.
Tutormum, work on your kids, they will 出人头地。The one who laughs last laughs best. I’m sure you will get there. Persevere! -
2ppaamm:
Yeah 老天有眼! So just chart your course accordingly.....
Tutormum, work on your kids, they will 出人头地。The one who laughs last laughs best. I'm sure you will get there. Persevere! -
mitten:
Yah...maybe this kind of people enjoy making one feel \"small\"..so don't show any of your annoyance or irritations...I will act \"as if\" the news is no big deal or pretend I didn't get it or just laugh and make some jokes out of it...The other party probably feel frustrated due to my non-reaction!How do I react to those \"hao lian\" people? Well, with friends or relatives like these, I usually excused myself with a smile so that I could get out of their \"shallow talk-shows\"
In my opinion, these people are usually lack of self-confidence (therefore needed to boast their egoes), shallow (no wisdom), poor in those areas which they choose to \"hao lian\" and they are helpless. why? 'cos when they can grab anything to fill up their helpless, they are couldn't wait to tell the whole world on what they have or proub of. Basically, these people who are lack of self-confidence, self-esteem etc.
\"Hao Lian\" people can be anyone from poor to very rich people as long as they have areas of helplessness. -
To be honest, at times I also become "hao lian". What do I do? Well, usually before I display my "hao lian" act, there was a " hao lian" thought in my mind. When I realised that, I quickly swift my thought to "humble" and thus the "hao lian" act was not displayed. Anyway we do have many choices to react to these "hao lian" people, so don’t fret! I don even want to talk about my SIL. I have 2 to be precise. anyway, they are dumb and nothing good about them.
-
ks2me:
Thanks to both of you for your encouragement. :hugs: I actually feel sad for my SILs cos their children are brought up in such a way that they emulate their parents' actions.
Yeah 老天有眼! So just chart your course accordingly.....2ppaamm:
Tutormum, work on your kids, they will 出人头地。The one who laughs last laughs best. I'm sure you will get there. Persevere!
Their children are very self-centred and arrogant. I'm saying this cos I've seen how the children behave towards their parents. Despite the fact that DH bro's business was doing bad, their children expect the same standard of living they have enjoyed before and are bitter that they have downgraded to staying in HDB flats and done away with certain luxuries. Their children are aloof towards them and treat them as ATM. I can see my SILs are envy that our family is close knitted and contented. On top of that, they have placed a lot of emphasis on their children getting into university but are now faced with worries about them getting a job and surviving in the corporate world. I'm not belittling the importance of a degree just cos my DS1 and DS2 did not enter U (they may later on in life) but I don't assent to their belief that's the only route to success. In fact, my SILs are lamenting that the prospect of their children earning big bucks is bleak though they are armed with a degree. :roll: On the other hand, I have never once worried about how much my three DS will make in the future. :lol:
-
Sometimes grandparents may unknowingly add on to the tension especially if they have grandchildren close in age group. During preschool years, grandparents compare grandchildren's development milestones. During formal school years, grandparents compare grandchildren's grades. The more outstanding family may be perceived to be 'hou lian' if other families keep hearing about their achievements. In instances like this, better tone down or filter what to tell grandparents
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login