How do you deal with arrogant/how lian people around you?

[mitten]

Wanna to share last year's experience. When my DD to decide whether to take HCL, she chose NO to HCL. As a mother, I was upset because all my friends' DD are taking HCL :shock: My \"then\" thought was my DD is going to lose out to them if she does not want to pick up HCL! PLUS most of her classmates are taking!!! (BTW my DD is in a good school)

I couldn't accept that initially, but after talking to her I decided to respect her decision. Well, I tell you, my SIL's DD is taking HCL and they are putting remark like \" your girl chinese no good meh? \" and \"why?? you should push her to the very best\" ARRGGGhhhhhh :x I was then under attack by these comments and went through the stress.... I chose not to put accross my points to them for I knew that \"these\" people have no understanding and the thoughtfulness towards their children. I, on the other hand, I respect my DD's choice and hope that she is under good care for her upcoming PSLE. Personally, I am a mother who do not believe in tuition because tuition seems to cater for children who are academically handdicap. (no offence to those who have) My point is that children learn at them on pace and they are being taught well by school teachers. I remember once my son's teaher complained about my son's capability to read when he was just in K1. Do you know how I answered to the teacher?? My answer to her was :\" I've sent my son to school to learn and pick up skills, not going to school to display what he has learnt from home! If going to school is to display on what he has learnt from home, then all the schools should be terminated. Or may as well he don't attend school to pay premium school fees.\" And the teacher got my point and no more complains. Now, my son in primary school he excels in his studies. I told my children that all i want them to pick up knowledge and skills from teachers and friends, NOT in school to \"hao lian\" or showcase to people on what you already knew. At home, I just go through what they have learnt from school and assessment books for 1 hour only from monday to thursday and that it!! Both children are doing perfect work and cultivating good learning attitudes. To me this way, not only they love schools and studies, the most important is enjoying they are suppose to do. I don really want to stress my children as I have seen my experienced fellow friends had done that and the results were not as good as they wanted. It just simply backfired. I was stress when I was in school so I do know the pain. These pains do not gain any good gains. So, to me, enjoy life and enjoy what you are doing, don like it? then stop it. Now my son is picking up cello as he wants to learn so I let him, I love watch my children doing things which they enjoy learning! My DD is in a girls' school and she enjoys her everyday in school. She volunteered to teachers that I would like to stay for remedial even she does not need to do so. But I let her stayed for any remedial classes even she does not need to so. She told me she wants to learn and drill her teachers.

[janet88]

2ppaamm,

I don't know about the inferior part, but the way he brags is hard to take.
Come on, there is no reason to do that to own family members. :siao:
My son alson in SAP school but I see no need to say anything.

[jedamum]

Parent A : I send my kids to ABC Tuition centre and XYZ enrichment so that they can get A++++ results leh...


Parent B : I did not send my kids to any tuition centre and they still excel in their studies leh...

Which of the above is a hao lian parent?

some people may intepret Parent A as sharing their resources, some may say that he is haolian. some people may intepret Parent B as sharing the benefits of no tuition, but some may say that he is haolian.

personal opinion is that perception of haolian-ness is in the eye of the recipient.

[janet88]

I’ve had been compared with my cousin since childhood days…what words I could read in kindergarten, then followed which stream I was in, then boyfriend. Yes, you read correctly. BOYFRIEND - occupation, whether his eyes are big etc etc. :x :x


My son’s homework seems to have piled up this year, as such I have informed his CL tutor not to give him so much.

[hquek]

Blobbi:

I did! Actor just flashed his teeth to a safe distance while aunty, you know aunty lah. Scold back! That's why, never again!

Should have told the auntie, 'lao hong' actor also give face....imagine the whole of tcs come down....she is there to earn money or give money?

I would be :x too!

[hquek]

mitten:

SIL's DD is taking HCL and they are putting remark like \" your girl chinese no good meh? \" and \"why?? you should push her to the very best\"

haiz...sometimes family are the worst commentators. Please lah, to each his own. HCL will only be of use if the sec school offers HCL - else, what is it? 'pang sai chua' (toilet paper). I remember an auntie who always said that academic qualifications are like toilet paper...(her kids are highly successful persons). And I feel she's right. Once you come to working world, it's EQ, not PSLE that counts.

mitten:

My answer to her was :\" I've sent my son to school to learn and pick up skills, not going to school to display what he has learnt from home! If going to school is to display on what he has learnt from home, then all the schools should be terminated. Or may as well he don't attend school to pay premium school fees.\"

:udawoman:

[janet88]

hquek,

Family members can be the worst lot. So what in SAP school, very busy with CCA 3-4x a week and on top of that tuition and homework ? Who suffers ? The poor kid.

Moderation is the key issue here. As parents, we should look at our children’s strengths and weaknesses. If his/her weakness is related to school and tuition is required, no choice got to take it. Weekdays, my son is busy with his school homework and there isn’t time to learn his 听写/默写, EL spelling and dictation. So got to do that on weekends.
Next yr, will get him to drop Higher CL so as not to spend too much time on HCL.

[hquek]

janet_lee88, agree.


I once remember that a cousin in law asked which hospital I delivered in. When I said KKH, she rolled her eyes and said, I would never go there (meaning, Mt E etc is the place to be).

Please lah…I compared the amounts I paid KKH, it was similar to what my friend paid for private doctor at Mt E. Chey!

[Funz]

Nowadays, parents seem to be singing their children’s praises. In the past, especially with my parents’ generation, they are always saying the opposite. Things like, this one ah very naughty, or very lazy, can pass happy liao. Then PSLE, O LEVEL, A LEVEL score all As. And they still say, results okay only lah. Cannot praise too much, wait too complacent.


I agree with Jedamum that whether one is percieved as haolian is dependant on the recipient.

[tutormum]

mitten,

:goodpost: :salute: :salute: :salute: I totally agree with you and am sure most KSP think the same. Why stress the poor kid out? I was not worried when DS3 dropped HCL in P6 when he can't cope. I discouraged him from taking actually cos Chinese is his weakest subject. He takes HCL this year as he was given a second chance after getting A for PSLE. Of course he's struggling and I encourage him to try as being given a chance to do HCL shown that he has the capability and I didn't want him to give up easily. Having said that, I'm prepared for him to drop after Sec 1. Just like the parent who complained about her girl not getting into HCJC. There are many other JC. Even if my DS3 can get in, it doesn't mean that he can cope or he'll be the best. To me, my children are the best in my eyes and I'm contented as long as they are happy in what they do. Remember one parent said in this forum? If you are real gold, you'll shine wherever you are.

Janet,
From my experience, siblings can be your worst enemy. There are 2 ways that I get back at them. 1. Stare blankly at them and act blur to show that I'm not in the same mind as them and don't understand what they are saying. 2. Remember what they have said and repeat it when the opportunity arises. Just as 2ppaamm has said, \"he who laughs last, laughs the best.\" My SILs now think twice about making comments about my DS and they learnt it the hard way cos they're more embarrassed than when they insulted/criticised about my DS. Last Sunday, her DS who attended VS introduced my DS3 to his GF and adding that DS3 is in VS, his ex-school matter of factly.

2ppaamm,
As long as we know what we want, we don't have to compare with these shallow people and degrade ourselves. Sometimes, I'll make snide remarks and make sure that it's within earshot when I felt that I'm unfairly treated but try to minimise by making a joke out of it like \"Wah, so actor got privilege ah? I think I join Mediacorp and next time aunty you give me free food also hor.\"