SAHP or working is better?
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skunk:
Hi Skunk, I must admit that I find most of your views rather extreme but interesting. However on the above, surprisingly, I agree with you wholeheartedly. :celebrate:
Yes, the teacher should correct the boy's behaviour, but alot of times, it doesn't work.ooptimizer:
Where is the teacher? The teacher should teach and correct the boy's behaviour.
I know of a 13 year old boy who always gets bullied in school by the class bully. I asked him, did he report to the teacher? He said, \"yes, i reported to the teacher, the teacher already punished him, put him in detention and even caned him....but every time i reported, after punishement, he would bully me even more, even harder....so i don't want to report him already, only make my life worse after reporting\"
So i told him, \"Just whack the bully hard, give him a black eye, then drag him to the teacher and ask the teacher to punish both of u. Tell him every single time he bullies you, he will get a black eye. I can guarantee after one hard whacking, he won't dare to bully u anymore. Your problem is solved once and for all.\"
Guess what the poor boy said?
\" What if I lose the fight, how?\" :stupid:
How shall I put it? Maybe as what you mentioned, I did bring up my son in a barbie doll world. Or perhaps it's just his nature to be 'soft'. I could still remember clearly the lost look on his face when the toy he was playing was snatched away by a 2 year old. He just didn't know what to do. And he was three then and much bigger size than the 2 year old. Because of his bigger build, I had always cautioned him to be careful when playing with other kids. Even got scolding from me when he got a little rough. That made him rather unhappy. But it always ended him being bullied. (Btw, bullies come in all sizes, big or small. Another friend's son also kenna bullied by kids much smaller size than him.) But an incident (which resulted him in a high fever) happened two years ago totally changed my mindset. I suppose if the kids wanna play together, then parents have to be mentally prepared for some unforseen accidents or fights. For my own son, I advised him to defend for himself if alerting adults don't work. Guess what his reply was? \"What if I hurt him/her?\" :stupid: Then came the same question \"What if I lose?\" :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: I had to tell him that he would get a thrashing from me if he did lose. Either fight or flight. If he chose to fight, then be sure that he emerged as the winner (even with injuries). Otherwise, the bullying would never stop.
Call me an extremist but this way works best for my kiddo. Since then, he has not much problem with his friends. And of course, I stopped hovering over his shoulder and reminding him to be extra careful with kids his age. After all, it should be a level playing field. -
Skunk, quoting your reply is too long but here’s my reply:
I believe evil can never precede good, yes albeit sometimes it looked like the good is disadvantaged temporarily but my repeated encounters over the years showed that good would eventually reap the benefits.
What you see is the surface value of loss but the ultimate win is sweeter. I have met an obnoxious mum who spoke like a hooligan n I walked away. I would not even waste any further breath to speak another word with her. Eventually she aged faster than me and had lesser friends.
I agree there are some cowards that just need to be roared at. So it depends on the situation. If roaring does not make me look negative like a bully, I will apply that technique accordingly. Like blobbi, fortunately my child is born with natural instinct for defence. She is not violent but I have seen her managed difficult situations on her own before instinctively without exerting violence. albeit she is blessed it does not reduce my pain to see so many ill behaved kids around whom the parents have invested so much in their brain development but nothing for their spirit. Such a waste of talent! -
ks2me:
Not always true.
What you see is the surface value of loss but the ultimate win is sweeter. I have met an obnoxious mum who spoke like a hooligan n I walked away. I would not even waste any further breath to speak another word with her. Eventually she aged faster than me and had lesser friends.
I know of obnoxious people who are \"rewarded\" in life with money, friends, power, even youth and happiness. They simply couldn't care less about the people they hurt, so they won't \"kek\" in their heart....only those they hurt age even more. And they have a loyal following of friends, these are the people they fervently defend.
Remember an obnoxious hooligan to one person, is a loving parent, loyal friend and filial child to others.
I know these hooligans, because I'm half a hooligan myself LOL Most likely, the hooligan mother must be thinking, \"she has walked away, so I win\"
They simply don't give a F about people around them.
anyway, we OT too much already lol -
chamonix:
That's why I put my 2 kids in taekwondo class to prepare them for bullies
For my own son, I advised him to defend for himself if alerting adults don't work. Guess what his reply was? \"What if I hurt him/her?\" :stupid: Then came the same question \"What if I lose?\" :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: I had to tell him that he would get a thrashing from me if he did lose. Either fight or flight. If he chose to fight, then be sure that he emerged as the winner (even with injuries). Otherwise, the bullying would never stop.
Both my DD & DS are the non-aggressive type. When DD was around 2, my friend's daughter (only 3 months older than her) came to our house to visit and grabbed her toys from her. She just stood there, looking shocked, and then burst into tears
. She has since become more assertive and always tells the teacher if there's a bully in class (the bullies may not be as fierce as the others mentioned here as they're still in kindergarten). It also helps that she's among the oldest in her class.
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minnie2004:
Hi minnie2004,
That's why I put my 2 kids in taekwondo class to prepare them for bullies
Both my DD & DS are the non-aggressive type. When DD was around 2, my friend's daughter (only 3 months older than her) came to our house to visit and grabbed her toys from her. She just stood there, looking shocked, and then burst into tears . She has since become more assertive and always tells the teacher if there's a bully in class (the bullies may not be as fierce as the others mentioned here as they're still in kindergarten). It also helps that she's among the oldest in her class.
Exactly. Sometimes it's not that we enjoy teaching our kids to be \"nasty\", but for non-aggressive kids like ours, we just have to adopt a different parenting approach.
You made the right move to enrol the kids for martial arts. That's what I have in store for my kids too. Erm, when he's more settled in school.
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Whether or not a child turns out to be a bully or obnoxious or a softee has got nothing to do with whether there is a SAHP.
It boils down to parenting style and the parents’ own behaviour and attitude, especially during the preteen years.
I agree with skunk that parents should as far as possible, let children resolve their disagreements themselves. Step in only if it gets out of control. As parents, we should give them the tools to resolve conflicts but never fight their fight for them.
I have had parents coming and requesting that we do not let a classmate play or go near their own child as the other child is aggressive. And we have had parents withdrawing their child because we do not comply. We have seen parents/grandparents shouting at each other because one child received a bruise or scratch from another child during play. And the irony of it all, while the adults are shouting at each other, the 2 kids are playing tag around the adults. -
Fun, I agree with you that it is parenting style not about SAHP or not.
The case my child faced with the verbal violence, the teacher had not seen the parents before after registration and could not contact them via the phone yet to inform them of the incident. Incredibly busy parents, only see the maid so far. -
May be, besides, parenting style, it is not so much SAHM or FTWM but how much time and guidance we can give our kids.
Some FTWM are lucky to have jobs that are not as demanding or are exteremely good at time management so they can still guide and spent a good amount of time with their kids. There may also be SAHM who may be overwhelm with life/health/problems and can give little time or guidance to their kids. I had a classmate whose mum do not work but spend her days on majong sessions.
Both ways there are sacrifices. -
mintcc:
I had a classmate whose mum do not work but spend her days on majong sessions. /
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
This is a good one!!! -
lovekidsverymuch:
:!:ks2me:
Incredibly busy parents, only see the maid so far.
nothing shocking quite common nowadays . Don't you pity the child?
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