In-law problems?

[minnie2004]

janet_lee88:

lovekidsverymuch,

The paternal grandparents want recognition without effort or love put in. Is there such a thing ?

Fully agreed. You sow what you reap. They assume they'll automatically be loved since the grandchildren bear their family name. The kids are very simple, the more time you spend with them, the closer they'll be with you. There's no shortcut.

My parents earned DD's love by taking care of her when she was a baby til 2.5 years old. MIL on the other hand, is healthy enough to travel around the world (she went on a safari in africa during CNY!) but too weak to babysit .

Now DD will from time to time pick up the phone and call gong gong & po po to chat. She never calls nai nai, unless forced upon by daddy. She also likes to do some drawings, put in an envelope and asks me to mail to my parents. To my parents, these are their greatest rewards.

[minnie2004]

auntieM:

Very very big deal, and about the only deal lah!

Mine repeatedly ask for DS school name and timing over the years too!

Wait till one day your son add 'ONLY' and say 'you are only my daddy's mother'....

better than calling her a stranger :lol:

[janet88]

Last night,

My son asked me why the paternal grandmother always ask '我是谁?'
So I told him, say 'you are daddy's mother'.
Oh yes, my son told me this, 'Mummy, I think she has a problem. She doesn't know who she is'. :rotflmao:

Kids are really simple...if you know what they like to eat, show them love, they will react in the same way.

[janet88]

lovekidsverymuch,

The paternal grandmother prefer boys…but has never done anything to get my boy’s attention (only grandson), doesn’t even know what he likes to eat. Now whenever hubby calls his mother, he ‘escapes’ somewhere asap. I never teach him tat.

[janet88]

lovekidsverymuch,

my daughter is still very young (5+) and calls the paternal grandmother when daddy tells her to. My boy is 10 and knows the difference between maternal and paternal grandmother…from young, he is not comfortable with the paternal one bcos she is not warm and her tone is harsh towards children.

[janet88]

Children can feel and differentiate between people who love them and those who just want them to know who they are ‘我是谁’. I can’t stand that either. :x Sorry man, if no effort is put in, forget about your status. So what if kids bear their surname.

Pampering them blindly in return for attention won’t work in the long run.

[jedamum]

minnie2004:

My parents earned DD's love by taking care of her when she was a baby til 2.5 years old. MIL on the other hand, is healthy enough to travel around the world (she went on a safari in africa during CNY!) but too weak to babysit .

Now DD will from time to time pick up the phone and call gong gong & po po to chat. She never calls nai nai, unless forced upon by daddy. She also likes to do some drawings, put in an envelope and asks me to mail to my parents. To my parents, these are their greatest rewards.

personal opinions; because of our not-too-close relationship with either our parents or our ILs, we should not deprive them of their deserved status in the family.
my ds1 loves my husband's parents; cos we stay together, and they played and care for him since young. on the other hand, he only visits my parents once a week, so naturally the feeling is different. it came a point when ds1 dreads going to my parents' place; everytime when it's time to visit, he'll asked if his cousin is going (cos got company mah); then i got fedup and gave him a long lecture about how this set of maternal parents although did nothing much for him, is 100% my parents and it is his obligations to visit them regardless of whether it is fun anot. subsequently, it took the death of my father to make him realised and understand the meaning of my words.

[vlim]

jedamum:

personal opinions; because of our not-too-close relationship with either our parents or our ILs, we should not deprive them of their deserved status in the family.

my ds1 loves my husband's parents; cos we stay together, and they played and care for him since young. on the other hand, he only visits my parents once a week, so naturally the feeling is different. it came a point when ds1 dreads going to my parents' place; everytime when it's time to visit, he'll asked if his cousin is going (cos got company mah); then i got fedup and gave him a long lecture about how this set of maternal parents although did nothing much for him, is 100% my parents and it is his obligations to visit them regardless of whether it is fun anot. subsequently, it took the death of my father to make him realised and understand the meaning of my words.

well my ds feel the opposite...though PIL stay with us...my children especially my eldest ds don't like them esp the grandmother ...he simply dislike her as she act weirdly and he dislike the way she scold the maid...sometime my children will complain to me abt her and then I got no choice (though has the same view as them) but to explain to them and find excuse of her 'behaviour' Sometime I also cannot stand her :x :x :x

[janet88]

jedamum,

It’s not really so much as depriving the kids of their status…but it’s just that their paternal grandparents are not warm and the situation is awkward when the grandmother approaches them. I don’t know how to explain it.

[Alison]

Hi,


I married my husband who is haha so call 25 filial to his parents. I remembered once when his parents malign me and he did not bother to clarify with me and agreed with what his parents said. This has causeda big drift in our relationship. We often get in frequent quarrels and talk less and less. I felt sort of cheated and many a time wanted to go for divorce but KIV because of my daughter. Any advise.

winth:

Hi,


Anyone facing in-law issues? Can share personal experience?

DH said I'm considered quite lucky as he has heard very cham (pitiful) stories from his colleagues.

But from my girlfriends, they seem to be having a breeze and upperhand when they handle in-laws leh...

But one thing I know I'm very lucky is that I don't stay with them, bec if I had, maybe I had already :stupid: liao.