How to encourage our children to be more independent

[sleepy]

KoalaMummy:

jus curious, if your kids didn't do her homework, did not submit her homework etc, is this the fault of the kids, (say P2 onwards, as maybe some P1 not much homework) or the fault of the parents, for not monitoring and make sure they finish their hw. What is your view on this?

School's fault

My dd will complete 80% of homework assigned by teachers. Half the time she forgot her lead.com homework and those were reflected as overdue and could not submit once past deadline. I'm not particularly uptight about her completing her homework. In the recent parents-teacher meeting, we feedback to form teacher 'too much homework!' There's only 24 hours a day. Workload has to be reasonable. School has some impossible KPI to fulfill? After spending 6 hours in school, why is there a need to assign so much homework?

[tamarind]

ks2me:

I don't think children are too young to understand responsibility.

It starts with self-feeding, self-bathing..etc.......if all these are still done for them, then it will cripple their learning process.

Every one is different. I know hundreds of teenagers who do not understand responsibility. They would rather play computer games all day than to study. Do parents really want to take the chance and wait until it is too late ? Well as I have written, it all depends on what you wish for your child.

Monitoring their studies and self feeding etc are completely different issues. Every child will learn to feed himself eventually. But I know for a fact that at least 50% of kids grow up without any motivation to study hard. In fact, if parents totally do not show any concern, the child may lose motivation to do well as he grows older. I know of real life cases like this, so I am not going to risk it.

I also advise parents to closely monitor your kids very closely when they start to use computers to do their school work. They may spend much more time using MSN, facebook, etc, then actually studying. You will never know, because kids will learn to switch programs very quickly once they sense that you are near.

[corneyAmber]

Agree, on this note, I must add. While I advocate children to be independent, I also advocate parents to be within reach for consultation. Training independence does not mean parents not care at all. It means care differently.

[sleepy]

I feel that a motivated child will be somewhat more independent in terms of managing her school workload. So this probably boils down to how to motivate the child?

lovekidsverymuch:

Guess there is very fine line between interfering too much for the child's independence and child being independent...

What I feel is parents should also keep an eye on child's doing though giving little freedom too :celebrate:

True, a child is afterall a child. Parents still need to micro manage a little especially at lower primary level. Can't be completely handsoff yet I don't want to breathe down her neck all the time. Need to strike a dedicate balance.

KoalaMummy:

so does it mean that if we don't monitor their work, they think they can get away with it. isn't that irresponsible behaviour? cos it's their hw, it's their responsibility, isn't it? or issit they're too young to understand this and we need to drill it into them?

That's my expectation too. I did not sit in in her class. How would I know what needs to be done? Every evening, I would remind her to pull out her homework and place on her desk. She's suppose to do it the next morning. That's the level of my involvement in ensuring she completes her homework. Incomplete homework shall be continued in class or she can explain to her teacher directly

I don't want our conversation to revolve around 'have you completed your homework?' or rushing her to complete her assignment all the time. Sure way to spoil relationship. She should study because she wanted to, not because I asked her to

[tamarind]

When I wrote monitor closely, I do not mean sitting beside our kids when they do their homework. In fact, my girl has very little homework, and she chases me away when I am watching her. I don't even remember to remind her to do her homework everyday.


I mean that we should monitor closely and understand what our kids need help with, and find out the best way to help them. For example, most kids are weak in languages. Many parents think that the best way is to send to enrichment classes, or do tons of assessments. But the best way is just to read as many books as possible.

Even for kids who regularly score perfect marks for maths, there may be certain topics that he is weak at. Parents can help to give him more practice in those topics.

Nowadays 90% of kids have not experienced hardship, and do not know what is hunger. It is rare to find a child who wants to study because of a \"hunger and curiosity for knowledge\", if you have such a child, consider yourself very lucky.

For those parents with normal kids, we should do our part to motivate them. The fact is that most kids don't respond to the constant nagging of \"you are studying for your own good, so that next time you can live a good life\". Believe me, I tried it with my teenage students already, and I believe that their parents have already nagged for many years. Kids are already living a good life, so they don't know how to worry. Parents can establish a routine and make learning a part of the child's life, as well as remove any distractions as much as possible.

[Faun]

Agree with INSIDER. We need to have faith in our kids. A kid needs time to develop and in his own pace. We get nervous when our kids are not performing to our expectation (or should I say, others’ expectation). Weak ones sent for tuition, Okay ones sent for enrichment. It’s a lose-lose situation for the kids. They don’t seem to be ever good enough.


I think most of us parents bring our kids up in fear. Imagine parents have to get work stress and also their kids education stress. This is very ‘chum’ for the whole family.

The only way to overcome this fear is to have faith in our child and always make decision in the premise of love. We worry too much about the future which most of the time turn out differently.

Let our kids go for camps away from us when there’s an opportunity. They always come home a slightly different person.

When my son wanted to go boarding school, I had 3 sleepless nights and many months of apprehension. It took me alot of courage to make the decision. I thought I knew better but I was wrong 'cause he’s thriving where he is now and is a very happy student. He finds what he’s doing meaningful and relevant, what more can I ask…



‘A Ship In The Harbour Is Very Safe But That’s Not What A Ship Is Built For’

[Brenda10]

My DD nowadays likes to make fruit salad herself. She prefers to cut apple and tomato than eating it as it is. She would use a small knife to cut the cherry tomato into a flower shape with 8 petals (4 cuts) and decorate it with some topping and mayonnaise cream. Had cautioned her few times on the safety and the risk but she still insist to do it. May be this is part and parcel of growing up.

[markfch]

Does making ds clear up the mess he made after dinner contribute to him being more independent? Oh yes, he also returns his plate & utensils to the kitchen himself. Despite this, kiddy teacher still commented that ds is pampered amongst the cohort.


At Berries where ds is having CL tuition, I've seen maids carrying all the bags for their little *masters*. This is just so wrong. How can kids learn to be independent this way?

[markfch]

insider:

Even if go grocery shopping with maid and dad along, my elder son will take care of the heavier items coz to him it's just the 'right' thing to do...

And next time when your ds grow up, he'll automatically open doors for strangers and also help the weak cos it's the 'right' thing to do. That's what my sec 2 FT said a young gentleman should do

[jedamum]

insider:

markfch:

I've seen maids carrying all the bags for their little *masters*. This is just so wrong. How can kids learn to be independent this way?

Talking about carrying of bags. My kids were trained from young (primary level onwards) to carry their own bags (incl shopping bags that were of reasonable weight). Now I sort of reaping the fruits of my 'training' that my two elder kids will make sure I don't carry a single thing (except my own handbag) when I go out with them. It's kind of like 'auto' that they will take care of all the grocery / shopping bags and the youngest one will take the lighter ones. Even if go grocery shopping with maid and dad along, my elder son will take care of the heavier items coz to him it's just the 'right' thing to do...

markfch, insider,
i saw this 70 yr (white hair, bended back) old granny carrying school bag for her P1 grandson.
my boys carry their own school bags; trained ds2 from 1st day of sch - he won't asked for me to carry him for long (since 3yo) too cos i told him that my hands will 'break' as he is big and strong ; trained ds1 only late last year to carry his own schbag...had major resistance at first, but succeeded eventually (i gave him a choice of carrying his own bag or my handbag.