How to encourage our children to be more independent

[Faun]

Agree with INSIDER. We need to have faith in our kids. A kid needs time to develop and in his own pace. We get nervous when our kids are not performing to our expectation (or should I say, others’ expectation). Weak ones sent for tuition, Okay ones sent for enrichment. It’s a lose-lose situation for the kids. They don’t seem to be ever good enough.


I think most of us parents bring our kids up in fear. Imagine parents have to get work stress and also their kids education stress. This is very ‘chum’ for the whole family.

The only way to overcome this fear is to have faith in our child and always make decision in the premise of love. We worry too much about the future which most of the time turn out differently.

Let our kids go for camps away from us when there’s an opportunity. They always come home a slightly different person.

When my son wanted to go boarding school, I had 3 sleepless nights and many months of apprehension. It took me alot of courage to make the decision. I thought I knew better but I was wrong 'cause he’s thriving where he is now and is a very happy student. He finds what he’s doing meaningful and relevant, what more can I ask…



‘A Ship In The Harbour Is Very Safe But That’s Not What A Ship Is Built For’

[Brenda10]

My DD nowadays likes to make fruit salad herself. She prefers to cut apple and tomato than eating it as it is. She would use a small knife to cut the cherry tomato into a flower shape with 8 petals (4 cuts) and decorate it with some topping and mayonnaise cream. Had cautioned her few times on the safety and the risk but she still insist to do it. May be this is part and parcel of growing up.

[markfch]

Does making ds clear up the mess he made after dinner contribute to him being more independent? Oh yes, he also returns his plate & utensils to the kitchen himself. Despite this, kiddy teacher still commented that ds is pampered amongst the cohort.


At Berries where ds is having CL tuition, I've seen maids carrying all the bags for their little *masters*. This is just so wrong. How can kids learn to be independent this way?

[markfch]

insider:

Even if go grocery shopping with maid and dad along, my elder son will take care of the heavier items coz to him it's just the 'right' thing to do...

And next time when your ds grow up, he'll automatically open doors for strangers and also help the weak cos it's the 'right' thing to do. That's what my sec 2 FT said a young gentleman should do

[jedamum]

insider:

markfch:

I've seen maids carrying all the bags for their little *masters*. This is just so wrong. How can kids learn to be independent this way?

Talking about carrying of bags. My kids were trained from young (primary level onwards) to carry their own bags (incl shopping bags that were of reasonable weight). Now I sort of reaping the fruits of my 'training' that my two elder kids will make sure I don't carry a single thing (except my own handbag) when I go out with them. It's kind of like 'auto' that they will take care of all the grocery / shopping bags and the youngest one will take the lighter ones. Even if go grocery shopping with maid and dad along, my elder son will take care of the heavier items coz to him it's just the 'right' thing to do...

markfch, insider,
i saw this 70 yr (white hair, bended back) old granny carrying school bag for her P1 grandson.
my boys carry their own school bags; trained ds2 from 1st day of sch - he won't asked for me to carry him for long (since 3yo) too cos i told him that my hands will 'break' as he is big and strong ; trained ds1 only late last year to carry his own schbag...had major resistance at first, but succeeded eventually (i gave him a choice of carrying his own bag or my handbag.

[HappyAvon]

insider:

I have a friend who stays in Choa Chu Kang and kids' primary school is within walking distance. Her kids don't carry their own bags and want maid to carry. The maid said too heavy to carry two. Then my friend came up with a 'solution' of using a trolley to push the two bags to school with the kids every morning...

Hi Insider, I really laughed out while reading your post...Just this morning, I told my K1 girl if she still continues to eat very little everyday, she will not be strong and will have problem carrying her schoolbag when she is in P1..I did joke with her that she needs a trolley to push her bag to school...Maybe trolley is a good solution.....kekeke....just kidding...I feel its important to train the kids to be independant....these days, kids rely too much on the maid....My K1 girl always call for aunty whenever she needs anything...With me now staying at home and watching her, she starts to do her own things....[/quote]

[Faun]

My son, sec 1, helps me to carry all the groceries/ shopping bags when we go shopping. He always insists. :D. I suppose he learns from his dad to be gallant towards ladies.


So all Fathers out there, your sons are watching you to learn from you.

I told him he can help carry any bags for ladies EXCEPT their handbags (unless she really needs help for some reason).

I think independence comes naturally when they don't get help. I'm sure most kids would rather do stuff by themselves if given the freedom to do so. Go easy on them, they may be independent in one thing and dependent on another. Although ds is independent in many ways, he still doesn't fold his blanket 60% of the time. I give up on that, at least for now.

[Faun]

My son, sec 1, helps me to carry all the groceries/ shopping bags when we go shopping. He always insists. :D. I suppose he learns from his dad to be gallant towards ladies.


So all Fathers out there, your sons are watching you to learn from you.

I told him he can help carry any bags for ladies EXCEPT their handbags (unless she really needs help for some reason).

I think independence comes naturally when they don't get help. I'm sure most kids would rather do stuff by themselves if given the freedom to do so. Go easy on them, they may be independent in one thing and dependent on another. Although ds is independent in many ways, he still doesn't fold his blanket 60% of the time. I give up on that, at least for now.

[snowman.022851697]

I started going home from school with a friend in primary 4. After that, I went practically everywhere myself. Credits goes to me studying my parents’ street dir. when i was young, now i can go practically anywhere. No, i do not mean asking your children to stare endlessly at a map.


Of course, my parents reminded me to use ped crossings, no walking through quiet hdb estates, ignoring strangers etc… i always take public transport when it’s past nine, or use my bike. When in public transport, i stand in the day, at night, i take the seat directly behind or as close to the driver as possible, for obvious reasons. Sometimes if the bus captain is driving recklessly i will get off. I was in that TIB997G accident.

Lastly, exercise personal safety. Don’t getinto fights, etc… there was a time when i was nearly beaten up by a bunch of secondary school students… the %&@&%^s would have stolen my wallet and phone, luckily, my fight-or-flight worked this time…

but overall, when you decide your child is able to be independent is totally up to you… and the child(ren) too,

[daisyt]

I have heard of kid at P5, maid packed the school bag for him. He blamed his maid for not packing in the correct books in his bag. :roll: