How to handle complaints from school

[Funz]

No offense to tamarind but I will just have to disagree with her sweeping statement to ignore the teacher if the child is in kindergarten.


Even if your child is a preschooler, if the teacher constantly gives you feedback about your child’s behaviour in school, it will be good if you can sit down to figure out what is the issue. Not all behavioural issues of preschoolers are due to lack of interest in school activities. And it really depends on the extent of behavioural issues that the child is exhibiting before we can totally ignore the teacher’s feedback.

[corneyAmber]

Yes I agree with Funz that it should not be ignored but need to find the root of the problem. Being disruptive in class is never right and if the parents do not nib it at the bud, it will only go on to worser things which I have known.


I never like the idea of accepting children’s bad behaviour on the pretext that the child is bright, gifted and hence can be allowed to go on with such behaviour in class and disrupts everyone else’s learning. Sometimes I wonder if it is the only way a parent gets the yardstick that the child is bright and ahead.

A child is only as bright as his/her behaviour and adults should not take the easy way of thinking that they will change on their own or will outgrow.

My child was bored in K2 but I had never allowed her to misbehave in school. At worst, I kept her home for the remaining part of her kindy days.

In primary school, I did have my concerns of disruption initially, but nothing came close to that…she used her time in the following way according to the FT:
1. Be teacher’s assistant, i.e. be a coach to the average kids, teacher coaches the poorer ones.
2. Draws, I give her mini sketchbooks which she is eager to show me her improvement on some pictures she is working on.
3. Writes, I give her mini notebooks which she is eager to share with me
4. Reads, she is motivated to share with me how many pages she reads in a day
5. I also give her some mini tasks to find out certain things for me from school

But my child is not gifted, just enjoys learning if the teacher is motivating.

[tamarind]

Funz:

No offense to tamarind but I will just have to disagree with her sweeping statement to ignore the teacher if the child is in kindergarten.


Even if your child is a preschooler, if the teacher constantly gives you feedback about your child's behaviour in school, it will be good if you can sit down to figure out what is the issue. Not all behavioural issues of preschoolers are due to lack of interest in school activities. And it really depends on the extent of behavioural issues that the child is exhibiting before we can totally ignore the teacher's feedback.

I did not mean it as a sweeping statement. What I wrote was addressed to stayhome's case only. I never meant it for other parents.

I had the impression that stayhome knew exactly what was the problem with her boy. She wrote that her boy is bright, and he said he is bored. Parents should just listen to the child and not make everything into such a big issue. A good teacher should be trained to handle kids of different abilities.

[tamarind]

ks2me:

I never like the idea of accepting children's bad behaviour on the pretext that the child is bright, gifted and hence can be allowed to go on with such behaviour in class and disrupts everyone else's learning. Sometimes I wonder if it is the only way a parent gets the yardstick that the child is bright and ahead.

I also do not accept that very bright kids should be allowed to disrupt others. That is why I wrote that such kids should be \"trained\" to tolerate boredom, and I also suggested ways, the best of which is to read interesting books suitable for the child's intellectual ability.

Personally I think it is fine to start training in P1 which is the start of formal education. To me, kindergarten is the time when the kids can enjoy, because the class size is small, and also because we pay a lot of school fees and I expect more from the teacher. I feel very sad for a young child to be restricted, and be made to sit down and listen for long periods of time, this is actually not natural. During my generation, half of the kids in my P1 class never attended kindergarten, and we all grow up fine. I am actually more worried about the younger generation.

[Funz]

Again, I don’t agree that even if a kid is bright and claims to be bored in class, means that we as parents can ignore when the teacher brings up time and again that he/she disrupts the class.


Yah agree that sometimes, especially at preschool level, a child may show disinterest in work but if the child has shown that he/she is capable, we can let some feedback from the teachers slide. But if the child starts disrupting the class, that is not acceptable. And if the teacher brings it up to the parent time and again, it means he/she needs the parent’s help or co-operation to correct this behaviour.

However capable the teacher is, she is still 1 person handling at least 15 kids in most kindys and an average of 30 kids to a class in most primary school and in most cases, more then 1 class. A teacher that bothers will try to work with the parents. A teacher who can’t be bothered will just put the disruptive child aside so that she can continue with the rest of class.

So if my kid’s teacher give constant feedback, I do believe it is something that needs looking into.

[tamarind]

In my girl’s K2 class, there used to be a girl who was a trouble maker. The teacher handled her very well in a class of 18 children. After a few months, she was well disciplined. I doubt that the parents can do anything with the girl, except to put her in a special school. I suspect she has some genetic disorders.


I have a lot of respect for that teacher who tried her best to teach that girl. I do not like teachers who keep complaining to parents. The truth is that there is nothing much that parents can do, talking to such kids is quite useless. The kids may agree to behave in front of the parents, but when they are in school, it is a completely different story. Teachers are the ones who handle the kids in school, and it is really up to them to discipline the kids. The fact is that there are good teachers, and there are bad teachers. Do not assume that all teachers are trying their best.

[Funz]

tamarind:

In my girl's K2 class, there used to be a girl who was a trouble maker. The teacher handled her very well in a class of 18 children. After a few months, she was well disciplined. I doubt that the parents can do anything with the girl, except to put her in a special school. I suspect she has some genetic disorders.

Don't think anyone except the teacher and the child's parents know what truly transpired. The teacher could have roped in the parents' help?

tamarind:

I have a lot of respect for that teacher who tried her best to teach that girl. I do not like teachers who keep complaining to parents. The truth is that there is nothing much that parents can do, talking to such kids is quite useless. The kids may agree to behave in front of the parents, but when they are in school, it is a completely different story.

This is where the parents come in to make the child realise that his/her behaviour at school can have repercussions at home and vice versa. Especially so for preschoolers as there are a lot more flexibilities for the parents and teachers to be in 'cahoots' to manage a child

tamarind:

Teachers are the ones who handle the kids in school, and it is really up to them to discipline the kids.

For most kids without issues, largely yes. But with kids with issues, it is a joint effort.

tamarind:

The fact is that there are good teachers, and there are bad teachers. Do not assume that all teachers are trying their best.

I'd like to think most are decent and trying and approach base on that rather then most are not trying and are just plain complaining.

[verykiasu2010]

may be some of the kids have ADHD which the parents aren’t aware of

[corneyAmber]

Both parents and teachers have to work in tandem for behaviour problem kids. There is just no way the behaviour can be controlled if only one party is working on it as the child can manipulate the situation.

[Funz]

ks2me:

Both parents and teachers have to work in tandem for behaviour problem kids. There is just no way the behaviour can be controlled if only one party is working on it as the child can manipulate the situation.

Yup. :celebrate: