How to handle complaints from school

[Funz]

Again, I don’t agree that even if a kid is bright and claims to be bored in class, means that we as parents can ignore when the teacher brings up time and again that he/she disrupts the class.


Yah agree that sometimes, especially at preschool level, a child may show disinterest in work but if the child has shown that he/she is capable, we can let some feedback from the teachers slide. But if the child starts disrupting the class, that is not acceptable. And if the teacher brings it up to the parent time and again, it means he/she needs the parent’s help or co-operation to correct this behaviour.

However capable the teacher is, she is still 1 person handling at least 15 kids in most kindys and an average of 30 kids to a class in most primary school and in most cases, more then 1 class. A teacher that bothers will try to work with the parents. A teacher who can’t be bothered will just put the disruptive child aside so that she can continue with the rest of class.

So if my kid’s teacher give constant feedback, I do believe it is something that needs looking into.

[tamarind]

In my girl’s K2 class, there used to be a girl who was a trouble maker. The teacher handled her very well in a class of 18 children. After a few months, she was well disciplined. I doubt that the parents can do anything with the girl, except to put her in a special school. I suspect she has some genetic disorders.


I have a lot of respect for that teacher who tried her best to teach that girl. I do not like teachers who keep complaining to parents. The truth is that there is nothing much that parents can do, talking to such kids is quite useless. The kids may agree to behave in front of the parents, but when they are in school, it is a completely different story. Teachers are the ones who handle the kids in school, and it is really up to them to discipline the kids. The fact is that there are good teachers, and there are bad teachers. Do not assume that all teachers are trying their best.

[Funz]

tamarind:

In my girl's K2 class, there used to be a girl who was a trouble maker. The teacher handled her very well in a class of 18 children. After a few months, she was well disciplined. I doubt that the parents can do anything with the girl, except to put her in a special school. I suspect she has some genetic disorders.

Don't think anyone except the teacher and the child's parents know what truly transpired. The teacher could have roped in the parents' help?

tamarind:

I have a lot of respect for that teacher who tried her best to teach that girl. I do not like teachers who keep complaining to parents. The truth is that there is nothing much that parents can do, talking to such kids is quite useless. The kids may agree to behave in front of the parents, but when they are in school, it is a completely different story.

This is where the parents come in to make the child realise that his/her behaviour at school can have repercussions at home and vice versa. Especially so for preschoolers as there are a lot more flexibilities for the parents and teachers to be in 'cahoots' to manage a child

tamarind:

Teachers are the ones who handle the kids in school, and it is really up to them to discipline the kids.

For most kids without issues, largely yes. But with kids with issues, it is a joint effort.

tamarind:

The fact is that there are good teachers, and there are bad teachers. Do not assume that all teachers are trying their best.

I'd like to think most are decent and trying and approach base on that rather then most are not trying and are just plain complaining.

[verykiasu2010]

may be some of the kids have ADHD which the parents aren’t aware of

[corneyAmber]

Both parents and teachers have to work in tandem for behaviour problem kids. There is just no way the behaviour can be controlled if only one party is working on it as the child can manipulate the situation.

[Funz]

ks2me:

Both parents and teachers have to work in tandem for behaviour problem kids. There is just no way the behaviour can be controlled if only one party is working on it as the child can manipulate the situation.

Yup. :celebrate:

[stayhome]

Thanks for all your comments.


I do agree that teacher parents have to work together to correct the child behaviour in school. But not all teacher willing to do that for long term. Some are very nice that they will call you every now and then, some just find a lot of work have to be involved. So depend on your luck what kind of teacher your child get. I may get help from other channel. :thankyou:

[stayhome]

Just would like to share more. This whole issue started from nursurey. He had a very impatient teacher. When she compliant to me during the parent teacher meeting session, I tried to let her understand the suitation. But she refused to listen and kept telling me I had to cane my ds. In-fact my ds is not like that, he had learnt a lot of bad behaviour from classmates. I had called the principal and requested to change class but she refused. I tried to work with the teacher she said she had to rushed home to cook dinner after school. She had no time for us. I really wanted to change school at that time. But as both my teenage dd had gone the same school so we decided to stay for another year. In K1, we are lucky to have a very good teacher. I had talked to her and she listened. We don’t have big problem at all. he was still active in class but under control by the teacher. In-fact during the school outing we don’t even have to pay extra attention to him like before. my ds was well behave in the group never run away and caused trouble. This was peaceful till some way in K2, he started all the bad behaviour again. I had talked to the teacher, she had alot of discipline methods seen good. But still something is wrong. My ds had behaved in the first school outing during the starting of the year, but very very badly behaved in the 2nd school outing. He will hug the K1 teacher but not the K2 teacher. Ask him he cannot explaint. So teacher still play a very very big role in school.

[tamarind]

I highly recommend this book for all parents and teachers :

窗边的小豆豆
http://product.dangdang.com/product.aspx?product_id=706089&ref=book-02-L

The English version is Totto-Chan: The Little Girl at the Window, available in all local bookshops.

This is the all time best selling book in Japan, and is also a best seller in China.

The story is a about a little girl who was considered by her teacher to be too disruptive, and was expelled from the school. Her mother understood very well that she was only behaving like a child should be, and put her in another school which turned to be wonderful. This is a true story. The little girl grew up to become one of Japan's most popular television personalities.

Adults often forget what it is like being a child. A good teacher should always try to imagine herself in the kid's position, in order to understand why the child behaves that way.

[Busymom]

I had an unhappy incident recently… so please bear with my lor-li-lor-so below.


DD is a smart girl and a fast learner. She gives me very little worries in the academic areas and her teachers have consistently been praising her behaviour and attitudes in school. They have always said that she is magnanimous and is least bit petty in nature. Just to add, in my opinion, she is an extremely sociable and gregarious person, just like DH. On the other hand, she can be most absent-minded about her own things and does not even realize it if she has worn her clothes the wrong way, for instance. One of her other teachers (not from school) and some of my friends call her 傻大姐. This is from people who have interacted with her on a frequent basis and for a long time, definitely not something that I have labeled her on my own.

A couple of week back, I received a “complaint” from DD’s teacher. It was technically not a complaint, as the teacher had meant well and wanted me to be aware of what she perceived to be an issue, so that I could properly guide DD.

One of her teachers in her school (teacher A) thinks DD had lied about what she said to another friend. Another teacher (teacher B) who did not witness the incident called me and told me about it, after hearing it from teacher A. I had long talks with DD after that, and I also had a long chat (very long in fact) with teacher A to clarify what teacher B had narrated to me, as well as to tell DD’s side of the story. Teacher A had not planned to bring up the incident to my attention as she felt that things children said to each other could be taken out of context, especially since she herself had not heard the entire conversation between DD and her friend (at least this was what she said to me, whether she thinks otherwise, I have no idea). Having said that, I am pretty sure she had thought that DD lied, which was what led to teacher B making a call to me. DD’s side of the story was that she had simply forgotten it was her who said a particular statement to her friend. I believe DD had said the statement (as some of her other friends had heard it too), but she had forgotten, at the first instance when teacher B asked her, that she was the one who said it.

Despite the long chat with teacher A, and despite the teacher saying that she was more concerned with DD wanting love and affirmation from her friends (instead of whether DD had lied or genuinely forgotten), I have a nagging feeling that DD’s teachers did not buy into what I said. Nonetheless, teacher A thinks it is best not to pursue DD further on whether she lied or not. She thinks it isn’t healthy to keep reminding DD of the incident. Subsequent to this call, I told teacher B that I want to give DD the benefit of my doubt and would appreciate if she could just let the matter rest when DD returned to school. Still, she had to tell DD not to lie the next time (although quietly), during rest-time when DD was lying down and resting! :x

Knowing DD, I know she can be very absent-minded about what she has just said or done at times. For example last night, I suggested playing a Yahama music DVD. Her brother wanted to watch DVD #1 while she wanted to watch DVD #4 (all are Yamaha DVDs, just different numbering). As DD was kind of in a foul mood (plus some other considerations which are irrelevant here), I told them that we will watch DVD #4 first, then DVD #1. DS didn’t complain and so we watched DVD #4. Surprisingly, after DVD #4 had ended, DS didn’t ask for DVD #1 and went away. DD on the other hand, insisted that I should play her another DVD #2, as that was what she wanted initially. She had totally forgotten that she asked for DVD #4… Even after I reminded her, she still had no recollection…

What would be your reaction to the incident in school if you were me? Even though I was unhappy about it, I have decided to leave the matter as it is. Would you have done anything differently?